If you are reading this and you exist, you probably don't need this guide. (so leave please you know the tricks)If you are reading this but you don't exist, you've done something wrong. 


Please read the guide for tips on how to exist.



Step 1: Thinking
A wise man once said: "I think, therefore I am."
He pretty much just said that if it thinks it exists.

...So, everything exists, then?

Yep. Some people say their mind is the only thing that exists, and everything else and everyone else is a figment of their imagination.

We in the business call these people "nutters".

Everyone thinks, and everyone exists, and the stuff we see just exists. It doesn't think, but it somehow exists.

Anyway, try thinking about something.

Anything.

No.

Not that.

Definitely not that.

There we go.
Now you technically exist, if whatshisface was right.
(I hope he was.)



Step 2: Moving
Now that you've thought about something, you can try moving.
Lets start with opening your eyes.
Just think really hard about lifting your eyelids (If you have any) and eventually they will open.




...



There we go! 

You should be seeing now. Not much, mind you, but still lots of colored blobs.

Seeing makes you think, and the more you see, the more you think and store as "memories".
Memories are things you can think about in the future, and feel good about them. Or bad. Or like the time you found some green putty under your left armpit on a Saturday morning in November last year.

Now that you've moved your eyelids, try moving a finger. No, not the middle one. Just do what we did for the eyelids, but for the finger (If you have one) and it will move. Don't worry, it gets easier than it is now.

Good job! You can nearly exist! 



Step 3: Get a PMC 
If you have never used PMC you are missing out, if you don't have one you are missing out even more! So get one...

Go on. 

It won't bite. 

(I hope.)



Conclusion
Now what you exist, you are free to do whatever you want (Just try to stay within the laws of wherever you are)

But most of all, try to keep existing.
You might like it.


DON'T FORGET TO EAT PIE ON YOUR JOURNEY!