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First Paragraph to my MC Book!

1 emerald1 reply574 views
created 12/16/2012 9:04 am by BreakfastPizza
last reply 12/19/2012 7:41 am
Can I have some feedback? This is only the first paragraph, and it will get better.

The Evolution of Enderman
Part 1- Eyes.
Chapter 1- Home.
The sound of a fog-horn blew, ringing through Endy’s ears. He knew something was wrong. The air was thick with tension. Endy walked outside, to find every enderman, tall and magnificent, standing outside the crystals. Endy pushed his way through the crowd, trying to find what was going on. He thought about going to the front while trying to teleport. After a few minutes, Endy saw a flash of purple and appeared at the front of the crowd. Hundreds apon hundreds of endermen were queued up, but Endy did not know what for. Endy edged around to see what was going on inside the obsidian pillar. He faintly saw another enderman enclosing his hands around a crystal. Then the watching enderman whispered a short message into his ear. Endy wondered why everyone was doing this, but he followed suit. The process was quick, so Endy was involved in the ritual after a few minutes of waiting. Endy stepped into the dark, unnaturally cold obsidian pillar. An old, dry voice echoed through the giant pillar. ‘Hold it’ said the watching enderman. Endy grasped the purple crystal with is hands. A tingling sensation flowed throughout his body. The watching enderman then croaked some barely recognisable words. ‘Think why, not where.’ Endy assumed this was a riddle. He would go and think about it back at home. He thought about where to teleport (his house). After five minutes of thinking, he asked what the crystal had done to him, and if it had stopped him teleporting. He got the same reply. ‘Think why, not where’. Endy thought about it. Then he realised. ‘Think why, not where’ he said to himself. He thought about why he needed to go home. A cloud of purple smoke filled his eyes. He was back home.
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BreakfastPizza
Level 19 : Journeyman Toast
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12/19/2012 7:41 am
Level 19 : Journeyman Toast
BreakfastPizza
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