Ok, so I do a lot of writing myself and something I have learned to either have other people do, or have me do for others is to literally take the original and change it and send it back for the actual writer to review the changes. [i]Basically[/i what I'm saying is, here is what I would write instead. You don't have to keep what I changed if you don't like it, but I think some of the wording sounds a little better. I do like the story so far though and I hope that you continue with it. Anyway, here are the changes:
The night was cold, a freezing breeze slowly blowing from the mountain pass. As the blood sun rose over the misty valley of “name,” distant echoes of last cries could be heard throughout. Thousands of dead soldiers lie on the ground, their blood painted the snow scarlet. Amongst the massacre the King stands with his general, his black cape slowly swaying with the breeze, his full plate armor damaged and colored dark green by the blood of his enemies, and he gazed into the distance at the waving flags of the Empire’s Alliance next to the bodies of his people.
K: This was a hell of a price to pay.
G: I know your grace, but now, finally our lands will be safe. These savages have been nothing but a threat since the mountains collapsed and the pass was opened.
K: That is true. These people are heroes, every single one of them. They deserved better, not to be slaughtered here at the end of the world, for a kingdom that’s half a world away. See to the wounded, we return home as victors.
G: Yes my King.
As the king walked listlessly towards his tent on the hill, he could not stop but to think of all the people he lost. Was it worth it, will their lands finally be safe from the reckless bloodthirsty “name”. Only time will tell.
Another thing you can do, is when you want to add to the story, instead of just adding where you left off, go back over what you already wrote and see if you wanna keep exactly what you wrote or if you want to exact some changes like what I did, because you might think something sounds better when you have different paragraphs to follow and have more of the story in place. :3 I hope this helps and like I said, the story does seem interesting and I hope you continue to write it. If you ever want more advice don't be afraid to ask.
