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Hexxit Adventures: The Tale of the Urghast: part 1

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jman5000555's Avatar jman5000555
Level 40 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
76
"Ah, well that was a nightmare," said I.
"At least you didn't almost fall to your death," dsh replied.
"True, but you were the one rushing ahead, in the promise of loot," I refuted.
"Shut up," dsh immediately answered.
I moved along and up the tower, careful no to make a single mistake in footing, because if I did, a long fall to would befall me. I entered the next room half expecting to see more ghasts when something strange caught my eye.
"Do you see that dsh?" I questioned
"Oh yeah, but I don't get it, why so many fences?" he replied.
"Yeah, it's not making much sense, but whatever," I said.
I pulled out my magic axe, from which a golem I stole (alas a tale for another day.) I struck down a fence only to have something odd appear. A strange new block took it's place. One that didn't look quite right, one from another world, a world of computers. Aha, that's what it reminded me of, an error. I thought something was wrong so I did the thing one would naturally do in a situation likes this, I punched it. But this block didn't break. It just stayed there every duplicating itself.
"Dsh, what in the hell is going on?" I asked.
"I have no idea, the blocks just won't break," he replied.
"Got any ideas on how to get through it?" I asked
"Yeah, give me one of those ender pearls," he answered confidently.
So as I was about to hand one to him I accidentally threw it. It flying into the mess of pillars and fences. He then proceeded to use his magic powers of TP to appear next to me.
"Great, now were stuck in here," I moaned.
"Look, it's not that bad we'll find away out," he replied.
"You know what I bet this was your plan the whole time," I accused "You wanted to get us stuck in here so you could all cozy with me." "You know, if you wanted to you could have just asked." I teased.
"Shut up," was all he answered.
We broke blocks furiously until I found a solution to moving forward. If you broke the block and ran forward fast enough you could move forward. I did this around the entirety of the maze, but with my efforts in vain I found no exit.
"God, we are finally out of that place," dsh heaved.
"Yeah, and no closer to getting higher in this place," I remarked.
"I don't know, if I want to go any higher,"dsh replied. "If those mini ghasts are any signal of what's to come, I don't want to see the end of this rainbow.
"Oh, come on where is your sense of adventure, we can kill this city monster and be heroes of it," I offered.
"Fine, I will continue but we need to figure out how to get out of here," dsh answered.
Even though we spent a lot of time trying to get through the maze, it was a beginner's trap, a waste of time. The real path was up and round the building. Once we hit the roof we were greeted with an onslaught of spiders.
"God there is so many of them, dsh I need your help,"
Dsh123 has left the game
"****" I said.

I want to know what you think of my writing style, and improvements I could have. Also if this even interests you, or if I should dedicate my time to writing something else. Thank you and have a good day.
Creditdsh123, he was kinda there
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1
08/03/2013 1:56 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Pokemon
Creamyman
Creamyman's Avatar
dude instead of adding comments. update the submission. or your just spamming submissions. also if they are all part of hexxit they should all be on the same submission
1
08/03/2013 2:15 pm
Level 40 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
jman5000555
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People have short attention spans that is why I break it up into parts.
Second, your right updating it with links of other next installments would have been a better idea.
Hindsight is 20/20
1
08/03/2013 2:20 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Pokemon
Creamyman
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attention span is only low if your work is boring. think about it
1
08/03/2013 2:24 pm
Level 40 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
jman5000555
jman5000555's Avatar
True, but it still takes people getting sucked in, and I try to do that with cliffhangers.
Sure at first with each update people who are following it will be excited once it's updated and another part is added. But for people who get into the story once it is finished, everything will be there for them at once. No cliffhangers to draw them in, they don't have the same drive to know what happens next.
1
08/03/2013 2:43 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Pokemon
Creamyman
Creamyman's Avatar
yes but as you are doing that you are farming points and cheating the system. thats not allowed
1
08/03/2013 2:54 pm
Level 40 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
jman5000555
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I could see what your saying, if each post was incredibly small, but each post is large enough where I feel like have contributed enough new material to let it become a new post. Also it was not my intention to farm points, it was however my intention to tell a story.
1
07/11/2013 9:05 pm
Level 40 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
jman5000555
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1
07/08/2013 10:39 am
Level 40 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
jman5000555
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1
07/07/2013 12:14 am
Level 40 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
jman5000555
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Tomorrow I will release the next part
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