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Of Clouds and Creepers [chapter 1]

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verdecraze's Avatar verdecraze
Level 15 : Journeyman Scribe
4
Hope you people like it, if you do, please leave a diamond or two so others can see it. this is my first chapter on the novel I'm working on. I already uploaded the introduction/prologue, so please check that out before you read this. it will make a lot more sense. Feedback is very much appreciated , but please make it constructive and not just "this is stupid"

Chapter 1





SLAM!


My once wonderful drawing was now just a smudge of charcoal lines.


I slowly removed my two front legs from the top of the desk, a small thing pieced together by wood and metal scraps. I am a creature with four strong, flexible legs versatile in use for almost anything, which makes up for my lack of arms. And green leathery skin. It was likewise for all the other students in the classroom, who were now staring at me with mixed feelings of sympathy and jest.


The teacher in front of my desk was a far uglier version of anything else found in the little school building, and, as others often joked, the entire world. Her skin was wrinkly beyond explanation, and was covered with warts. Her spine was at a crooked angle, and her eyes were so yellowed it made you want to throw up straightaway.


o NATHANIEL.o


Her voice was raspy as, well, nothing could really compare to. A few snickered, knowing what I was in for.


o You know perfectly well that DRAWING is not allowed here, especially when it is not subject-related. As punishment, you will remain here after the end of the day, and make my classroom SPOTLESS. Understand?o





A mumble was all that I gave the ugliest teacher in the world.


Not that I would have much to do after school besides go back to the orphan house, or o little lost oneo s homeo as it was officially named. She droned back into the lesson, which was about the I dono t care war in the useless date hundreds. I contemplated running away from this island many times. But you see this particular island that I am lucky enough to live on is surrounded by nothing. Except for clouds. Clouds are nice. I think thato s what I was drawing. Anyway, I obviously couldno t just jump off whenever I wanted to. Sure there were airships that could fly me away to another island, but the only ones I would be able to steal would only have room enough for me and about a mouthful of food. So I stayed here and bided my time, hoping for something to happen other than cleaning materials being thrown at me.


I cleaned for about a solid hour, waiting for the teacher to go away. She didno t. After cleaning the blackboards for a third time, I came up with a plan. While her back was turned, I threw the sponge out the window with my teeth. It tasted horrible, but hopefully it would be worth it. It landed on a creeper named Burk. Burk was not the brightest fellow, and neither were his thugs that surrounded him. So of course that action caused confusion, quickly followed by violence. The teacher went outside immediately to quell the fighting, and I darted out of the newly-cleaned window. I smiled as I raced through the streets. Having four legs is something to get used to, but as everything I was born with, I had made the most of it. as a result, no one could match my speed. I smirked as I passed the gigantic broken down orphanage. I liked to believe I was the reason it shut down. The saying o it takes a village to raise a child.o Really described my childhood. The orphanage used to house potential friends in it. But then, they decided that I wasno t good enough for them. Burk had started it; he was the one who, for the first time, questioned me. I remembered that day more than any others...





It was Dark and cloudy, and cold. Fitting for someone to walk three miles from the School to His orphanage, where he could expect the very opposite of a warm bed. I treaded up the gravel path, and was nearly to the rusted gate that guarded the entrance to the o lost oneo s homeo when I heard the gravel crunch behind me. Expecting the warden, chiding me about being late again, I turned to see about five of my kind standing there. For a few seconds nothing happened, then one stepped forward, presumably their leader. I later learned his name as Burk. When I was this young I was still naive about almost everything, so I dumbly tried to introduce myself and was greeted in return by a fist to the face. When our kind makes a fist, we can either sheath or bear our claws. This was the last time Burk gave me the honor of sheathing them. I was put to the ground, and, realizing this was a fight, I stood up and took a pitiful stance, resulting in a scratch and another introduction to the muddy ground. I climbed up, more slowly this time, evaluating my opponent. Burk threw another punch, but this time I dodged it, with much reaction from our slowly growing audience.


I attempted to throw a blow back at him but he dodged also. The fight quickly progressed, getting quicker and deadlier with each minute. Halfway into the brawl we were both splayed with mud and had sizeable bruises and cuts. Burko s temper had been steadily rising as well, and was at boiling point. When I landed another swift kick at his side he backed up a little and roared.





o I wono t be tangled with an ugly hatchling!o





And with that he stalked past me, through the gate and into the broken house. He turned back and called o oh yeah. Fellows, make him pay for this insult.o I was immediately surrounded by three faces with no trace of good intention. The fourth stood behind the others, waiting for his turn. I gave them a hard time, but I was outnumbered and out-muscled. I then used my last resort. There is a special function for us o creeperso as other species call us. When threatened, we can activate a chemical reaction inside our bodies, which contains explosive elements. Our kind has to have a certain amount of control over this natural power, otherwise we would explode entirely. I was far from winning, and it did not look like they would stop anytime soon. I threw a punch at the nearest thug, and he caught it. I made a small explosion out of that limb which knocked him back a few paces. While he recovered I socked the second unfortunate thug. I smiled a little to myself, but my small joy ended quickly by a hard smack to the side of my head. The first one was recovered from my small explosion by now, and he kicked me in the stomach, laying me flat. They all took turns beating me; using miniscule explosions to torment me. One by one they walked back to the sad building. I slowly stood up with difficulty. This time I did not hear the shuffle of the gravel road behind me.





o Getting in a little trouble now, are we?o


I recognized that voice immediately; it was the voice of the Fishing captain I worked for. He was a long ways from the dockso ¦. What could he possibly want? I must have given something away while looking at the warm, kind face. Unlike the teacher I would meet in the future, he wore wrinkles well, almost as if they were his favorite robes. He stood up straight and tall, making the other of my kind look smaller than him, although in truth he wasno t far off from everyone else. He had an overall weathered look, yet still had a fire inside him. All this Aura of importance for a lowly fisherman. I respected him greatly.


o M-Master Lewick, hello sir.o


o Hello Nate.o


o Can I help you with anything sir?o


o Well, first of all, you can dust yourself off.o





We walked back down to the fish yard, bullies forgotten. Master Lewick started teaching me the finer points of combat that day, as well as how to properly catch a fish among the clouds. I never forgot that day, when I gained a valuable friend.


Today I repeated the habit I developed back then right after school, every day, without fault. I made a sharp turn and sprinted toward the old Fisheryo s entrance. I slowed down just in time to knock my head


on the planked wall. I recovered as an old man emerged from his house.


o be careful there, wouldno t want to ruin whato s left of those brains you have.o He said with a smile in a pleasant voice.


I smiled back.


o Good day Master Lewick.o


The man was in no way hindered by his age. His features were of a sharp look, his chin jutted, unlike most of the elderly; he had stayed in shape, and could prove it. He turned his head toward the sky, and we both heard thunder.


o Well, leto s get to work then. As much as Io d like it, these fish dono t catch themselves!o


I nod and walk down to the platform. The wooden structures jutted out into the open air, very near the clouds where the fish loved to gather. I worked the wench controls to bring a net right above the nearest cloud that had blown in. I turned toward Master Lewick, who nodded approval. I hit a switch near me and the net dropped into the mist. We hauled a load of healthy fish into the storeroom before resetting the net. Lewick headed back into his house to work on something. I waited a bit, picked another cloud, and released. This time it was much heavier to pull up, which I took for a good sign.
I called for master Lewick to come see this haul, and he came out right as I pulled the net onto the platform. We examined the contents for a minute in silence. They were pieces of wood, tattered bits of fabric, and burnt twisted pieces of metal. I opened my mouth as a roar echoed through the skies. Seconds later, a large craft broke through the thickening clouds. It was in extreme disrepair and burning. Hideous black clouds followed it into the surface of the island. I had to turn away at the flash of light and loud BOOM that accompanied the explosion. I started running toward the tower of smoke.
Creditmyself.
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1
04/15/2012 12:02 am
Level 40 : Master Goblin
ItsBill
ItsBill's Avatar
You have very good writing style, but one of the things I don't like about a story is bad pacing. I'm not saying you have bad pacing, but don't get so caught up in describing things that you forget to make it clear what's actually going on :)
1
04/15/2012 10:06 am
Level 15 : Journeyman Scribe
verdecraze
verdecraze's Avatar
thank you! i was wondering about that myself, so your opinion was helpful in confirming that for me. and yes, i will do a review on your texture pack soon :D
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