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The Bible of Lord Potato

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larazziV's Avatar larazziV
Level 14 : Journeyman Narwhal
For the Glory of the Potato, I write this to worship you and to spread the word of your almighty power. I bow down to you praying to your fair and righteous rule, and pledge my soul to you.
The Old Gospel of Vizzaral
Our Lord Potato has been the rightful ruler of our world since creation. He is the almighty God that governs both Peace and Life, and is the decider of everything. Before the stories of Jesus and God, around 2000 BCE, Lord Potato appeared in a single, small bush, where he declared, "LET THERE BE INTELLIGENT LIFE" and accidentally created humans instead. He then went on to govern the ways of life, and influenced humanity greatly. The humans worshipped Lord Potato for many centuries, as he gave humanity the creation of animals, and the knowledge of living.

One day, a foul human that had been influenced by the evil Tomato God, bringer of war and agony, decided to betray Lord Potato. This foul human plotted with the Tomato God and brought war amongst the humans and the Holy Lord Potato. With the powers of the Tomato, he managed to conceal parts of Lord Potato’s powers and committed the ultimate sin, attempting to kill the Potato God, they cooked him in a huge roast and turned the entire town into potato eating monsters. With the taste of the God in humanities tongue, humans declared war against Lord Potato and started hunting down every child of his, torturing them in every way possible. Little did humanity know, Lord Potato had to power to transfer his soul to other potato bodies, which Tomato had not managed to block.

With the betrayal of humanity, which he had created and raised himself, he had no choice but to undo his mistake of creating them. So once again, Lord Potato made an almighty declaration, stating "LET THERE BE DEATH", starting the end of the war, creating the first and last tornato, the hailing of explosive potatoes. With the last bit of his strength, he sealed the powers of the evil Tomato away, and left the world with one human left to pass down the legend, Morgan Freeman.

Peace can’t last forever, and Lord Potato knew this. Many years after the declaration of life without the Potato God, a new and dangerous evil had arisen, the Broccoli God. Broccoli God, the God of Invasion and Control, had quickly spread across Earth and taken control of the new humans minds. The Broccoli God had the humans completely in his control, and had started what was to be the new world.

After realising the state of Earth, our God and Saviour Lord Potato knew something had to be done. So in an instant, he summoned his powers back. With his powers returned, the Evil God Broccoli detected the return of Lord Potato. With fear of the almighty Lord Potato in his heart, Evil God Broccoli made his move. Forcing humanity against Lord Potato, the humans started the Potato Extermination Act (PEA), where they hunted down every potato and destroyed the residence of every potato to try to prevent rebirth.

With the start of the PEA, Lord Potato had to act. With his powers, he summoned Morgan Freeman once again, hoping to resolve the matter peacefully. He sent Morgan Freeman to the rest of humanity to pass on the word. But it was too late, as the Broccoli God had already taken control and invaded the minds of the humans. They captured Morgan Freeman, and tried to brainwash him as well, but being a being created by Lord Potato himself, they were unsuccessful. Therefore, they sentenced Morgan Freeman to life imprisonment.

With the rising threat, Lord Potato had to make an almighty declaration, stating “Let there be a power”, where he created a new humanoid being named Chuck Lee, the strongest and most skilled Martial Artist to exist. With his new weapon created, he sent Chuck Lee to battle the Evil Broccoli. Chuck Lee fought his way through humanity, being the mutant he is, and managed to severely weaken the Broccoli. With the Broccoli God weakened, Lord Potato declared “Let there be a stew” where he freed all the humans from God Broccoli’s control, and executed the BEA (Broccoli Extermination Act) and finally defeated the Evil God.

With the new peace, Lord Potato made one more declaration, “Let there be Independent and smart humans” where nothing changed at all and humanity remains the same to this day.

The New Gospel of Vizzaral
The Bible of Lord Potato
Since the battle of godly power between our Lord Potato and the evil gods, progression has been halted. Humanity has been left alone from its true creator and ruler, causing their purpose to be completely forgotten. The intelligent life that the lord tried to create has since evolved backwards, causing Lord Potato to lose all his mighty powers and cause panic. This is the gospel of the lord, and his power must be restored for a better future.

While the lord remains inactive, he has managed to gather followers through the word being spread, and his creation of Morgan Freeman was not forsaken. A new cult highly ranked religion has been formed and currently consists of 44 a lot of followers that are dedicated to his revival. These members are the true humans that serve the will of Lord Potato and still carry purpose. The more followers Lord Potato manages to gather, the more power he regains.

On the contrary, with his powers in halt, more sinners are being gathered. The world is still in chaos from the defeated gods, but the evil God Tomato, bringer of war and agony, has broken free of the seal and destroying humanity faster than the possibility of regrowth, because even if our Lord Potato is revived, even gods can’t fix the screw up that is humanity.

Join the Potato religion today for our only chance of survival, because a killer war is coming!

  • He is the almighty God of this world;
  • Who doesn't love Potatoes;
  • He deserves to be praised;
  • He created Morgan Freeman;
  • Because I told you too;
  • Because his story is the only true religion;
All Hail Lord Potato

The Bible of Lord Potato
Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License
CreditSpecial thanks to Auradyme and AnimeFanFTW for the inspiration to part 1.

5 Update Logs

Update #3.2 : by larazziV 09/22/2016 9:02:18 amSep 22nd, 2016

  • Deleted Part 3;
  • Updated the tags;
  • More blog format changes;
  • Image added;
  • Corrected a few spelling errors;
  • Reworded a few sentences;
Special Notes
  • Setting an unreachable goal of 100 diamonds for this blog!;
  • If you like this, please leave a diamond, especially if you want more, helps let me know it's worth fixing and continuing;
  • If you have any feedback, criticism and opinions, please comment them to help my blogs improve;

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10/10/2016 10:43 pm
Level 2 : Apprentice Network
Sereniti_'s Avatar
Omg I should of read this long ago
This is so potato perfection
09/23/2016 8:21 am
Level 7 : Apprentice Ranger
mooshroomlord777's Avatar
That was awesome!!!
I love this
12/06/2015 7:28 am
Level 59 : Grandmaster Senpai
AnimeFanFTW's Avatar
Nice to see people are still worshipping out lord Potato-senpai
09/19/2016 1:50 am
Level 14 : Journeyman Narwhal
larazziV's Avatar
11/07/2015 5:16 am
Level 49 : Master Sweetheart
Zatharel's Avatar
11/07/2015 12:42 am
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx's Avatar
"LET THERE BE INTELLEGENT LIFE" and accidently created humans instead.  Best quote 2k15
11/07/2015 11:30 am
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx's Avatar
11/07/2015 4:09 am
Level 14 : Journeyman Narwhal
larazziV's Avatar
xD cheers, best insult to humanity I ever came up with.
11/03/2015 11:53 pm
Level 14 : Journeyman Narwhal
larazziV's Avatar
chuck norris ain't got nothin' on this
07/07/2015 1:20 am
Level 5 : Apprentice Skinner
Sunnyminer555's Avatar
1. Who is Morgan Freeman
2. Who is Chuck Lee
3. The Broccoli God is brainwashing me
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