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The Crying Entity | MC Horror Story | Chapter 1

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MinerBRJ's Avatar MinerBRJ
Level 21 : Expert Pokemon
10
Please, do not read this if you get scared easily. Be careful.

It was midnight. I had bought Minecraft a couple days before. I was searching for servers, small servers, because I was tired of joining full servers. I wanted to make friends, play some survival. I found this one, called "Survival". It was back in 1.8.1. The description had nothing but It's IP. The IP was kinda creepy, it had 666 and goaway in the IP. It was custom. So I decided to join it. The only person online was this guy called goaway1. Suddently, this appeared in chat:

[Server: Opped FrostPerson143]

The server OP'd me for some reason. So I gave myself gamemode 0 and started doing a normal survival.
After a few days of playing on that server, goaway1 was still on. I was like: "What? Maybe this guy is the owner". I decided to tp to him to see what he was doing. When i saw, I got really scared. His skin was only white, everything white. He was looking at a invisible entity. The entity was making cry sounds. Not normal adult cry sounds. Baby cry sounds. It was terrifying. I felt something strange on me. A feeling of hate, despair. Was I getting crazy? Is this all in my mind? Suddently, everything around me started spinning. I was feeling bad. I felt like I would die. I woke up in the garden of my house. I rushed to my computer to see what happened. I tried turning it on, but It wasn't turning it on. I still remember that cry, that horrible cry, I saw my arms, they were covered in blood. Under my computer desk, I found a piece of paper, saying "YOU'RE NEXT." in blood.

Suddently, everything made sense to me. That night at the river, where I saw the thing. The thing was coming after me.

CONTINUES...
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1
08/12/2014 6:13 pm
Level 21 : Expert Pokemon
MinerBRJ
MinerBRJ's Avatar
Thanks for everyone for commenting. This is one of my first horror stories, next time I'll add less cliché. Thanks for all your opinions.
1
08/10/2014 2:45 am
Level 8 : Apprentice Archer
Chetcat
Chetcat's Avatar
Hmm. It's more than a bit cliché. Like basicbrick said, the reason horror stories appeal to people isn't just because it's weird or frightening. It's all about being dramatic, building tension, then releasing it in some unexpected, horrifying manner. Simply describing a horrifying or odd scenario with just a paragraph or so leading up to doesn't do much for people at all.

What I recommend is slowly building action, as most good storytellers practice doing. Make people start to wonder what'll happen, add more and more detail, then suddenly spring something unexpected and frightening.
1
08/10/2014 1:32 am
Level 48 : Master Pixel Painter
basicbrick
basicbrick's Avatar
Wow 666 and a crud ton of blood, this isn't scary because you you used so many cliches. Next time use some buildup.
1
08/09/2014 3:50 pm
Level 6 : Apprentice Crafter
4321zzbb
4321zzbb's Avatar
is this fake or real?
1
08/09/2014 4:11 pm
Level 7 : Apprentice Pig
commando8797
commando8797's Avatar
Lol, what do you think?
1
08/09/2014 4:26 pm
Level 6 : Apprentice Crafter
4321zzbb
4321zzbb's Avatar
i read it again and i feel stupid for asking that
1
08/09/2014 11:19 am
Level 15 : Journeyman Pokemon
Sawyerl
Sawyerl's Avatar
:o i like it diamond fo u
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