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An original idea made by DragsZombies
-If you are seeing strange like question mark symbols, don't be alarmed, I do too. I'll be fixing that here soon.-
-UPDATE
I will be making a animation of this once I get all the lore and stuff worked out :)
Along with Deathassassin05's help ^.^
SNEAK PEAK INTO THE NEW VERSION COMING SOON!
-The Rift-
An original Creepy Pasta by DragsZombies and Deathassassin05
Announcement! :D
THE ENTIRE THING IS BEING RE-WRITTEN IN FIRST PERSON STAY TUNED!
Episode 1 <<<<< Being rewritten
Written by Deathassassin05
Alexander woke up at around 3:00 a.m., he could hear nothing but the constant whirring of his desktop computer,o��Hm, I might as well check my emailo��,He thought, as he got up and walked over to his computer.o��What is this?o�� He thought as he looked at an email entitled with nothing but, o��The science of fear.o��. He opened up the email, and an attachment began downloading, around the time that the download was half way finished, he heard the doorbell ring, o��Now who would come to my house at 3:00 a.m?o��shrugging off the thought, he walked downstairs to his front door, opened it, and no one was there. o��Stupid pranksters..o�� He thought to himself as he closed the door and walked back to his room upstairs.Since his room was the first door to the left upstairs, he always had a view of the staircase, as he was walking back into his room, he could have sworn that he saw something out of the corner of his eye.
The download was finished now, it was a 30MB .mp4 file. It showed nothing but a black screen, until the last 5 seconds of the 2 minute video. It was a room, with a man standing inside of it, staring at someone who was on a computer. The strangest thing..was that he could have swore that the bed sheets in the video were the same as his. As he cautiously turned around,expecting the worst,something darted across his room, and down the stairs.It looked like some kind of shadowy figure wearing a cloak. Alexander ran down the stairs, chasing after the odd creature, as soon as he went to grab the creature, it vanished into mist. He ran back up to his room, looked back at his computer, the video seemed to have closed, he goes back to his desktop, a face pushing out of the screen before finally shorting-out, causing his whole apartment to lose power, leaving him in pure darkness...
Episode 2 <<< Being rewritten
Written by DragsZombies
Laying on the floor, Meredith shook awake, unaware of her surroundings. All was silent, and all was calm, except one thing, but what.
Shaking slightly, she got to her feet, leaning against the dresser. Her head pounding, slowly making her way toward the bathroom. Squinting slightly, a blurry figure slowly came into view. She rubs her eyes, trying desperately to clear her vision, splashing some water on her face. As the world around her slowly became a reality, stumbling out of the bathroom and to the bedroom, avoiding the various objects surrounding the floor beneath her feet.
Meredith looks about her apartment, slowly regaining her strength and sight.
o��What a night..o�� She says out loud. As she walks out of her apartment, she notices a few things that are a bit differento�¦ Only a few things could be seen in the hallwayo�¦ No one could be seen, not even a slight stur. Even on a Wednesday morning would there be a few people wandering the halls, but there was an eerie feeling in the air.
She looks behind her on the other side of the hall, looking down carefully and squinting to get a better picture. As she slowly tilts her head to the side, she notices something on her shouldero�¦ A dark wispy hand, slowly moving to grasp around her neck...
Expect a new episode every week!
This is a test story made for people's opinion on this creepy pasta.
I have had this idea for years, ever since I was real little. Some parts were sorta based off a tv show, if someone catches that, which was changed up for certain purposes.
Any opinions or things you'd like me to know, or change, can be put in the comments and I appreciate every little bit. ^.^
Thanks and help support us by giving me a Favorite, Subscribe, and Diamond
| Credit | Deathassassin05, DragsZombies |
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9 Update Logs
Update #9 : by DragsZombies 11/20/2013 8:53:02 amNov 20th, 2013
Postponed due to my other writer being out of internet and myself with school.
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-Scary stories are nice in first person, to give it that "I'm the one being scared" feel, instead of "He's being scared" feel (although this is some pretty scary stuff)
-Less repitition, in terms of what's happening. But you did a nice job of trying not to repeat vocabulary, which is excellent
-Use commas and paragraphs to help readers catch their breath to build up suspense, sometimes, even a "..." works (if used correctly)
-Try to give it an eerie feel, but at the same time try to make it dark and ominous instead of dishing out fright. This way when the scary part delivers, it DELIVERS. And when describing scary objects or characters, don't say "a hand grabbed me" or "it was a cup about 8 inches", instead use words that describe what it's LIKE so readers can have free imagination (this is the main reasons why books are better than the movies). Instead, use phrases like: "But then I felt a cold shiver down my spine, and I knew he was holding me" or "It was a small and luminous cup, but something about it didn't seem quite right."
Nice job on keeping in steadfast and not jumpy paced, using good vocabulary and generally giving it a good try. +1
~Snurly