What do I even write for the description. Uhh.


hummumm...

Guess I could copy some random therapy websites stuff?

Therapy ahead ↓



It's easy to get frustrated and self-critical when you repeat
mistakes. You might think you're the only one who does this, but you're
not. Each person's specific patterns might differ, but we can all relate
to the general concept. The tips in this post apply to a wide range of
these types of recurrent mistakes, including:

• • Overeating

• • Ignoring your instinct to say no or speak up (and then regretting it)

• • Prioritizing the wrong things

• • Buying things you don't need, because they're on sale

• • Getting irritated with your kids, because you're stressed out about work

Note: To identify your self-sabotaging habits, check out this list of 30 types. Once you know what you want to work on, consider these points.




1. Vowing to never make a particular mistake again is the wrong approach.


After you stuff yourself at Thanksgiving, you say "I'm not going to
do that again. I feel terrible. It wasn't worth it." However, next year
rolls around, and when you first notice you're overeating again, you
completely give up and go back for two more slices of pie. Sound
familiar?




Paradoxically, to change recurrent patterns, it's often best to assume you will
make the same mistake again. When you do this, you can change your
focus to developing practical strategies that will help you make less
severe mistakes, less often. This tends to be a more successful approach
overall.


2. Develop strategies for prevention.




Lets say you know you end up overeating when you've become overly
hungry. What strategies do you need to put in place to prevent becoming
so ravenous you scarf four bread rolls that are hanging around in your
break room at work?


Let's take a deep dive into how you might solve this problem. Perhaps
you know you should stop for lunch at 1 p.m., but you often end up not
stopping until 1:30 or even 2 p.m. You recognize that if you start new
activities in the 30 minutes before you plan to take your lunch, it
increases the chances you'll get distracted and not go to lunch on time.
Therefore, you need to plan activities for the 12:30-1 p.m. period each
day that won't run over time and cause the problem of going to lunch
late. If you have some control over your schedule, what would be the
types of work that would be predictable, not prone to running over time,
and well-suited to your energy levels at that time of the day?




Hopefully you can see from this example how personalized your
strategies need to be. You need to take a problem-solving approach
that's tailored to your exact circumstances, one that's actually doable
rather than aspirational. Your strategies should feel like a reflection
of yourself and be things you'll want to do, rather than seeming
unappealing.




3. Put aside time and mental energy.


I know the example strategy I've given above seems simple, but this
is deceptive. Improving your patterns doesn't just happen. Success
requires all of the following: thinking about what strategies you could
use, making a decision about what to try, implementing your ideas, and,
often, troubleshooting aspects of your strategies that aren't working.