Nyamaru
So my brother wanted help from all you lovely people (He won't make an account here no matter how much I tell him how friendly this place is), so it's about him and his friend. Okay, let's say his friend's name is Jack. They have been friends ever since preschool, but my brother used to say he was very bossy. Now, they still keep in contact because our mums know each other. So my brother is in a swimming team, and when Jack's mum saw how good he was, she wanted Jack to swim in the same swimming team. Jack agreed, and he passed. But now, my brother's friends in the school saw his name on this top list, and then THEY wanted to swim too (Luckily passed). So nowadays, my brother always chat and hangs out with the friends in the swim team. But today, he complained about Jack. He told me that when he hanged out with his friends, Jack would suddenly run into the center and choke my brother (for fun, not harsh). He even said that Jack hollered out loud that only my brother could his best friend, no one else. I thought he was jealous, but what do you think? Btw, we can't really do anything about it, because my mom won't tell for reasons, and even if my brother told Jack's mum, Jack would make excuses and lie, one time even making my brother get angry and cry. And when Jack says excuses to his mum, mum either tells him not to do it again or believes him. Jack really respects his mother and even considers her scary, so he makes lies out of fear(Mum is not abusive, she just disciplines him if he does something bad). Anyone help? Thanks!
2
There are going to be people you don't get along with in life. Most of the time, you just have to learn to tolerate them and go about your life. That said, if someone is crossing boundaries with you and you want them to stop, you need to stand up for yourself. Your brother needs to tell this person what is bothering them and ask them to stop.
In this case, if someone wanted to hang out with my friends and I, I could move where my friends and I hang out. If that person followed me, there's a distinct chance that I'd have to deal with them being around. However, I wouldn't have to deal with that person invading my personal space to choke me, joke or not. That would NOT be okay and you can bet your bottom that person would be made to know that's how I felt.
It's also important to mind your tone when you're setting boundaries. When your dog does something bad, you don't whine at him. You say "STOP.". Animals instinctively behave differently based on the tone of your voice and so do people. However, you also don't want to cause someone to become defensive immediately and block out the message you're trying to convey. When you explain what isn't acceptable, avoid accusing the person.
"You make me so mad! You always do this!" is not as effective as "It upsets me when you choke me. Please stop.".
Also, regardless of who you're talking to, it never hurts to try. I would still try talking to either of your parents about this since your brother and this other boy sound old enough to not have these kinds of issues with boundaries. There could be a serious behavior problem that needs to be corrected there that his mom might not be aware of.
In this case, if someone wanted to hang out with my friends and I, I could move where my friends and I hang out. If that person followed me, there's a distinct chance that I'd have to deal with them being around. However, I wouldn't have to deal with that person invading my personal space to choke me, joke or not. That would NOT be okay and you can bet your bottom that person would be made to know that's how I felt.
It's also important to mind your tone when you're setting boundaries. When your dog does something bad, you don't whine at him. You say "STOP.". Animals instinctively behave differently based on the tone of your voice and so do people. However, you also don't want to cause someone to become defensive immediately and block out the message you're trying to convey. When you explain what isn't acceptable, avoid accusing the person.
"You make me so mad! You always do this!" is not as effective as "It upsets me when you choke me. Please stop.".
Also, regardless of who you're talking to, it never hurts to try. I would still try talking to either of your parents about this since your brother and this other boy sound old enough to not have these kinds of issues with boundaries. There could be a serious behavior problem that needs to be corrected there that his mom might not be aware of.
From what it seems this sounds like middle school ages. If its bothering him then he should ask jack in a sincere way, but its much harder than it sounds.Or tell your brother to have a cool and composed attitude but still be firm and not let any shenanigans sway his attitude. Either way, this could just be a phase for Jack, so play it cool.
