Joke Central!

roses are red violets are blue, some poems rhyme but this one don't.

Q: What did the digital clock say to his mother?

A: Look ma no hands!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To whom.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have a gun.
Get in the van.


Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.


Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

... well anyway, here goes:
-Ironic desert joke-
A man is stranded in the desert after his plane crashes. He then goes to try and find help. After many days of walking he is incredibly thirsty and stumbles upon a tie shop. He asks if the shopkeeper sells water but is replied with a no, they only sell ties. Days pass with the same routine- Walking tens of kilometers, boundless thirst, tie shops. lots of 'em. Eventually he finds a bar! Relief at last! However his accomplishment is short-lived after he is refused entry by the barkeep: "Sorry mate, you don't have a tie on"

Sion

Pangamma2

maybe lock it if people start going off on a massive tangent flamewar. (We should probably stay away from religious jokes for that reason)

Before i say anything, i'm not trying to start a flamewar, i'm just stating this because i have the right to.

Anyone who is on the internet, well, most aren't religious. If they are, they won't be for long. I mean... It's the internet. Jokes are just helping them get over their religious views in a slightly nicer manor.

[youtube]www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCI2l9JIMi4[/youtube]

A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass?
Kid: The cow ate all of it.
...Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow?
Kid: It left because there was no more grass.

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

I was telling some sheep jokes the other day.

But none of them laughed and one just ran away going "baa."

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Any way there are two blondes ina car and they see another blonde out in a wheat feild rowing a boat, so the driver says to the passanger " oh god its Blondes like those that give us the bad name" then the passanger replied "Yeah i know, If I could swim i'd go out there and drown her"....

Srry mate

Whoa Whoa , BloXy slow down on the posting... No need for the spam.

A blonde goes on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

meh, should I lock this thread? It's obviously going to have offensive content >.> on the other hand they are jokes...

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Its a joke...

What do you do when someones having a seizure in the bath? Throw your dirty clothes in there!