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Some Jokes :D

Dexzernq79's Avatar Dexzernq7911/30/15 7:04 am
1 emeralds 2.8k 97
8/25/2016 10:57 am
JozyP's Avatar JozyP
Owl: "So I counted to '3' and then I ate his lollipop"

Another Owl Joke: What do you call a magic owl? Who-dini

You: "I have a knock knock joke but you have to start it" They will be confused after you say "who's there?"

"Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months"

If you ever get a cold, just stand in a corner. They're usually about 90 degrees

Teacher: Class, today we're having a half day this morning.
Class: WOOOOO!
Teacher: We'll have the other half this afternoon.

I am one step from being rich, all I need now is money.

Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.

Any jokes you have, post in the comments and i will find my favorites and put them in another joke thing!
Posted by Dexzernq79's Avatar
Dexzernq79
Level 20 : Expert Explorer
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97

1
08/25/2016 10:57 am
Level 42 : Master Pixel Painter
JozyP
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I've posted on this forum, but all of them have gotten deleted...
1
08/25/2016 9:13 am
Level 20 : Expert Explorer
Dexzernq79
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Knock Knock.

Who's There?

Heaven.

Heaven who?

Get out of my house.

You'll get it if you like guns and roses
1
12/31/2015 6:28 pm
Level 20 : Expert Explorer
Dexzernq79
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How many super saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1. FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DBZ

2. One, but it takes three episodes
1
12/31/2015 5:51 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
sunborn
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Doctor: So what is the problem?

Click to reveal
Donut: I Feel So Empty Inside
1
12/29/2015 5:28 pm
Level 45 : Master Princess
vinyl-ripp
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Chelsea 2015/2016
1
12/28/2015 9:57 pm
Level 8 : Apprentice Prince
OreoTurtle
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-snip-
1
12/28/2015 9:26 pm
Level 45 : Master Princess
vinyl-ripp
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I have one

Click to reveal
Kylo Ren
1
12/28/2015 9:33 pm
Level 10 : Journeyman Network
Eager8
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¡NOT KYLO REN!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!
1
12/28/2015 7:49 pm
Level 59 : Grandmaster Senpai
AnimeFanFTW
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I have a really funny joke.

Click to reveal
1
12/28/2015 7:51 pm
Level 64 : High Grandmaster Princess
Havingfun_ISKEY
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Let's not bring any political debates into this, shall we...
1
12/28/2015 11:56 am
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts to do it!

Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!
1
12/28/2015 9:26 am
Level 18 : Journeyman Explorer
RenegadeRad
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You know Dark Humor is like food, some people dont get it
1
12/10/2015 6:11 pm
Level 13 : Journeyman Artist
GraciousMaximus
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1 what do you call an enderman comedy show

Click to reveal
endertainment


2 what do you call the hotels inn the end

Click to reveal
endpartments


sorry i only have endermen jokes

edit: i didn't mean to do the inn thing lol
1
12/10/2015 2:57 pm
Level 21 : Expert Toast
Lufuu
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The bartender asked why we carried weapons into the bar. I replied with "Mimics".
He laughed. The party Laughed. The table Laughed. We killed the table. it was a fun time
1
12/10/2015 10:30 am
Level 22 : Expert Explorer
SyntaxError73
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I have a couple. They're sorta lame though.

Click to reveal
what do you call a spiky doll?

A barbie!

Click to reveal
Why did the banana have so many friends?

It was Appeeling!
1
12/09/2015 6:12 pm
Level 11 : Journeyman Network
Nyamaru
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Did you know oxygen and potassium went on date? it went OK.

Oxygen and magnesium together?! OMg.

No, I'm not trying to poison you. Now eat your Pb and Jelly sandwich.
1
12/09/2015 10:46 pm
Level 57 : Grandmaster Loremaster
Spectral
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Currently on the subject of the periodic table at school so XD.
1
12/09/2015 5:02 pm
Level 52 : Grandmaster Blob
Estuary
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School being the best thing ever

LOL BEST JOKE 10/10 WHOOO!
(Funny right? xP)
1
12/09/2015 2:32 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
TLDRPost
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Did you hear about how they are not celebrating Christmas in the White house?

Apparently they couldn't find three wise men
1
12/09/2015 3:18 am
Level 28 : Expert Button Pusher
yoda473
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Alright, here's another one...
Click to reveal
Two geniuses and a fool die in the same accident and go to the gates of Heaven. Rather than God or an angel waiting there, like the men expected, the Devil was guarding the entrance.
"Due to Heaven being overcrowded," he explained, "God has hired me to only let in the wisest men of modern Earth while he deals with the problem. So, you must ask me a question. If I cannot answer it correctly, you may go through. If I can, you must go to Hell."
One of the two geniuses decides to go first. Being an accomplished historian, he asks the Devil an extremely difficult question. The Devil nods, understanding the question, and summons a pile of paperwork, reading through it all in an instant. He then turns to the man and accurately answers his question. A hole appears in the ground, letting him fall through, then disappears as quickly as it appeared.
The other genius, a famous scientist and mathematician, asks an incredibly difficult question. Again, the Devil summons a pile of paperwork, reads it, and answers correctly. The man also falls through a magical hole to Hell.
The third man, a fool, asks the Devil to bring him a wooden chair. The Devil summons one in front of him. The man then asks the Devil to make seven holes appear in it. He obliges. The fool sits in the chair, takes a deep breath, and farts. He gets up and asks the Devil, "Which hole did my fart come out of?"
"Third hole on the right." he answers confidently.
The fool shakes his head. "It came out of my butthole."

1
12/09/2015 12:48 am
Level 15 : Journeyman Taco
Johnanater
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Click to reveal
Pinecones


haha...
1
12/07/2015 10:58 pm
Level 57 : Grandmaster Loremaster
Spectral
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There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a loving family man."

The second guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a caring husband and a schoolteacher who made a huge difference to kids."

The last guy says, "I would like them to say -- LOOK, he's moving!"
1
12/07/2015 10:17 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
TLDRPost
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The other day I walked back and said to my wife:
"Honey, pack your bags, we are moving into a hotel tonight!"
"What? Why" She asked
"You know I've been playing at the casino recently right" I smirked
"Oh really." She stated excitedly. "How much did you win??"
"Nothing, I lost the house."
1
12/10/2015 4:34 pm
Level 37 : Artisan Cookie
oh_wow333
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omg this one is hilarious :,D
1
12/07/2015 9:10 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
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Q: What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? A: Game of Clones
Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side.
Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side? A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi? A: Because a Jedi must have patience. Roses are red, violets are blue, if you love Star Wars, may the force be with you.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force? A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
Q: What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side? A: Vader Tots.
Q: What do you call a Sith who won't fight? A: A Sithy.
Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such? A: At the Darth Maul, of course.
Q: How do Ewoks communicate over long distances? A: With Ewokie Talkies
Q: What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A: A Sith-Kabob! Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial? A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? A: Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Q: Which Star Wars character uses meat for a weapon instead of a Lightsaber? A: Obi Wan Baloney.
Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely? A: Because he's always making new friends!
1
12/07/2015 9:05 pm
Level 23 : Expert Dolphin
EmeraldEclipse
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When the world gives you lemons, throw the lemons at the world and yell, "I WANTED LIMES!"
1
12/05/2015 10:50 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
TLDRPost
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How many Minecraft players does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the light bulb and the other to sit back and complain about how good the old one was.
1
12/04/2015 7:19 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
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cyber_dragon_123
Dexzernq79

Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.


That one got me good.

"You'll never catch me, copper!"
"I wouldn't bet a nickel on it"

"I passed the test!" "That's beryllium!"
"have you seen any elemental dragons?" "I have heard of the hydra-gen!"

(BTW why do you have an art of my skin in your sig? haha I remember when I got that art made)
1
12/04/2015 5:54 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Dragon
cyber_dragon_123
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Dexzernq79

Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.


That one got me good.

"You'll never catch me, copper!"
"I wouldn't bet a nickel on it"

"I passed the test!" "That's beryllium!"
"have you seen any elemental dragons?" "I have heard of the hydra-gen!"
1
12/04/2015 4:15 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
TLDRPost
TLDRPost's Avatar
They say exercising helps with your decision making

Its true, after going to the gym, I decided to never go again
1
12/04/2015 4:54 pm
Level 37 : Artisan Cookie
oh_wow333
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ahah :,D
1
12/02/2015 1:16 pm
Level 7 : Apprentice Explorer
Peridotx_xDorito
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playtime is ogre

shrek is love, shrek is life

you crossed ogre the line
1
12/02/2015 9:38 am
Level 18 : Journeyman Explorer
RenegadeRad
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the puns
1
12/02/2015 2:01 am
Level 28 : Expert Button Pusher
yoda473
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Have you heard the one about the water cordial? That's because it hasn't been made up yet!
1
12/02/2015 1:25 am
Level 32 : Artisan Hunter
Wyvernian
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Person #1: Want to hear a joke?
Person #2: Sure.
Person #1: Ceiling.
Person #2: I don't get it...
Person #1: Don't worry, it's an inside joke!
1
12/01/2015 10:38 pm
Level 6 : Apprentice Engineer
AysoTech
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-snip-
1
12/01/2015 9:35 pm
Level 23 : Expert Engineer
beszt91
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You lost your phone and it's on silent?

Too bad. If you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it
1
12/01/2015 9:33 pm
Level 23 : Expert Engineer
beszt91
beszt91's Avatar
You're fat

Don't sugar coat it because you'll eat that too
1
12/01/2015 10:06 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
TLDRPost
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Quit making fun of fat people
They already have enough on their plate
1
12/08/2015 11:18 pm
Level 23 : Expert Engineer
beszt91
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gg
1
12/01/2015 4:44 pm
Level 7 : Apprentice Explorer
GiraffeCircle
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When life gives you lemons,

Click to reveal
Throw them back and say "I WANT CHOCOLATE!"
1
12/01/2015 4:16 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
TLDRPost
TLDRPost's Avatar
After talking to this fat girl who seemed to take an interest in me I decided to do the right thing.
"Here, if you want to see me again, call this number" I stated

"aww men don't usually give me their numbers"She replied excitedly

"Its not mine, its weight watchers"I said
1
12/01/2015 6:07 pm
Level 37 : Artisan Cookie
oh_wow333
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hAHa

your jokes are the best
1
12/01/2015 3:55 pm
Level 20 : Expert Explorer
Dexzernq79
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When life hands you lemons, what do you do? Squeeze them back into life's eyes...
1
12/01/2015 3:30 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Dragonborn
Monke
Monke's Avatar
1) Knock Knock
2) Who's there?
1) I ate a pile up
2) I ate a pile up who? (Sounds like he said he ate a pile of poo)
1) You ate a what?






Get it?
1
12/01/2015 10:30 am
Level 30 : Artisan Procrastinator
Elizardbeth
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Sorry, I love dark humor

-snip-
1
12/01/2015 10:28 am
Level 32 : Artisan Artist
Spa-Geddy
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YOU DID NOT JUST PULL OUT THAT VANOSS JOKE.
1
12/01/2015 3:13 pm
Level 20 : Expert Explorer
Dexzernq79
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Yes I did <--Thats vannoss
1
12/01/2015 9:24 am
Level 14 : Journeyman Miner
anonpmc1665509
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[deleted]
1
12/01/2015 8:17 am
Level 2 : Apprentice Miner
Ben Settle
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Click to reveal
Damn!
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