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Some Jokes :D
Owl: "So I counted to '3' and then I ate his lollipop"
Another Owl Joke: What do you call a magic owl? Who-dini
You: "I have a knock knock joke but you have to start it" They will be confused after you say "who's there?"
"Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months"
If you ever get a cold, just stand in a corner. They're usually about 90 degrees
Teacher: Class, today we're having a half day this morning.
Class: WOOOOO!
Teacher: We'll have the other half this afternoon.
I am one step from being rich, all I need now is money.
Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.
Any jokes you have, post in the comments and i will find my favorites and put them in another joke thing!
Another Owl Joke: What do you call a magic owl? Who-dini
You: "I have a knock knock joke but you have to start it" They will be confused after you say "who's there?"
"Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months"
If you ever get a cold, just stand in a corner. They're usually about 90 degrees
Teacher: Class, today we're having a half day this morning.
Class: WOOOOO!
Teacher: We'll have the other half this afternoon.
I am one step from being rich, all I need now is money.
Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.
Any jokes you have, post in the comments and i will find my favorites and put them in another joke thing!
97
I've posted on this forum, but all of them have gotten deleted...
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Get out of my house.
You'll get it if you like guns and roses
Who's There?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Get out of my house.
You'll get it if you like guns and roses
How many super saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DBZ
2. One, but it takes three episodes
1. FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DBZ
2. One, but it takes three episodes
Doctor: So what is the problem?
Click to reveal
Donut: I Feel So Empty Inside
Chelsea 2015/2016
-snip-
I have one
Click to reveal
Kylo Ren
[deleted]
I have a really funny joke.
Click to reveal
Let's not bring any political debates into this, shall we...
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts to do it!
Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!
Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side!
You know Dark Humor is like food, some people dont get it
1 what do you call an enderman comedy show
2 what do you call the hotels inn the end
sorry i only have endermen jokes
edit: i didn't mean to do the inn thing lol
Click to reveal
endertainment
2 what do you call the hotels inn the end
Click to reveal
endpartments
sorry i only have endermen jokes
edit: i didn't mean to do the inn thing lol
The bartender asked why we carried weapons into the bar. I replied with "Mimics".
He laughed. The party Laughed. The table Laughed. We killed the table. it was a fun time
He laughed. The party Laughed. The table Laughed. We killed the table. it was a fun time
I have a couple. They're sorta lame though.
Click to reveal
what do you call a spiky doll?
A barbie!
A barbie!
Click to reveal
Why did the banana have so many friends?
It was Appeeling!
It was Appeeling!
Did you know oxygen and potassium went on date? it went OK.
Oxygen and magnesium together?! OMg.
No, I'm not trying to poison you. Now eat your Pb and Jelly sandwich.
Oxygen and magnesium together?! OMg.
No, I'm not trying to poison you. Now eat your Pb and Jelly sandwich.
Currently on the subject of the periodic table at school so XD.
School being the best thing ever
LOL BEST JOKE 10/10 WHOOO!
(Funny right? xP)
LOL BEST JOKE 10/10 WHOOO!
(Funny right? xP)
Did you hear about how they are not celebrating Christmas in the White house?
Apparently they couldn't find three wise men
Apparently they couldn't find three wise men
Alright, here's another one...
Click to reveal
Two geniuses and a fool die in the same accident and go to the gates of Heaven. Rather than God or an angel waiting there, like the men expected, the Devil was guarding the entrance.
"Due to Heaven being overcrowded," he explained, "God has hired me to only let in the wisest men of modern Earth while he deals with the problem. So, you must ask me a question. If I cannot answer it correctly, you may go through. If I can, you must go to Hell."
One of the two geniuses decides to go first. Being an accomplished historian, he asks the Devil an extremely difficult question. The Devil nods, understanding the question, and summons a pile of paperwork, reading through it all in an instant. He then turns to the man and accurately answers his question. A hole appears in the ground, letting him fall through, then disappears as quickly as it appeared.
The other genius, a famous scientist and mathematician, asks an incredibly difficult question. Again, the Devil summons a pile of paperwork, reads it, and answers correctly. The man also falls through a magical hole to Hell.
The third man, a fool, asks the Devil to bring him a wooden chair. The Devil summons one in front of him. The man then asks the Devil to make seven holes appear in it. He obliges. The fool sits in the chair, takes a deep breath, and farts. He gets up and asks the Devil, "Which hole did my fart come out of?"
"Third hole on the right." he answers confidently.
The fool shakes his head. "It came out of my butthole."
"Due to Heaven being overcrowded," he explained, "God has hired me to only let in the wisest men of modern Earth while he deals with the problem. So, you must ask me a question. If I cannot answer it correctly, you may go through. If I can, you must go to Hell."
One of the two geniuses decides to go first. Being an accomplished historian, he asks the Devil an extremely difficult question. The Devil nods, understanding the question, and summons a pile of paperwork, reading through it all in an instant. He then turns to the man and accurately answers his question. A hole appears in the ground, letting him fall through, then disappears as quickly as it appeared.
The other genius, a famous scientist and mathematician, asks an incredibly difficult question. Again, the Devil summons a pile of paperwork, reads it, and answers correctly. The man also falls through a magical hole to Hell.
The third man, a fool, asks the Devil to bring him a wooden chair. The Devil summons one in front of him. The man then asks the Devil to make seven holes appear in it. He obliges. The fool sits in the chair, takes a deep breath, and farts. He gets up and asks the Devil, "Which hole did my fart come out of?"
"Third hole on the right." he answers confidently.
The fool shakes his head. "It came out of my butthole."
Click to reveal
Pinecones
haha...
There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a loving family man."
The second guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a caring husband and a schoolteacher who made a huge difference to kids."
The last guy says, "I would like them to say -- LOOK, he's moving!"
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a loving family man."
The second guy says, "I would like them to say that I was a caring husband and a schoolteacher who made a huge difference to kids."
The last guy says, "I would like them to say -- LOOK, he's moving!"
The other day I walked back and said to my wife:
"Honey, pack your bags, we are moving into a hotel tonight!"
"What? Why" She asked
"You know I've been playing at the casino recently right" I smirked
"Oh really." She stated excitedly. "How much did you win??"
"Nothing, I lost the house."
"Honey, pack your bags, we are moving into a hotel tonight!"
"What? Why" She asked
"You know I've been playing at the casino recently right" I smirked
"Oh really." She stated excitedly. "How much did you win??"
"Nothing, I lost the house."
omg this one is hilarious :,D
Q: What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? A: Game of Clones
Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side.
Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side? A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi? A: Because a Jedi must have patience. Roses are red, violets are blue, if you love Star Wars, may the force be with you.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force? A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
Q: What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side? A: Vader Tots.
Q: What do you call a Sith who won't fight? A: A Sithy.
Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such? A: At the Darth Maul, of course.
Q: How do Ewoks communicate over long distances? A: With Ewokie Talkies
Q: What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A: A Sith-Kabob! Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial? A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? A: Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Q: Which Star Wars character uses meat for a weapon instead of a Lightsaber? A: Obi Wan Baloney.
Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely? A: Because he's always making new friends!
Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side.
Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side? A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi? A: Because a Jedi must have patience. Roses are red, violets are blue, if you love Star Wars, may the force be with you.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force? A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
Q: What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side? A: Vader Tots.
Q: What do you call a Sith who won't fight? A: A Sithy.
Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such? A: At the Darth Maul, of course.
Q: How do Ewoks communicate over long distances? A: With Ewokie Talkies
Q: What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A: A Sith-Kabob! Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial? A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? A: Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Q: Which Star Wars character uses meat for a weapon instead of a Lightsaber? A: Obi Wan Baloney.
Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely? A: Because he's always making new friends!
When the world gives you lemons, throw the lemons at the world and yell, "I WANTED LIMES!"
How many Minecraft players does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the light bulb and the other to sit back and complain about how good the old one was.
Two, one to change the light bulb and the other to sit back and complain about how good the old one was.
cyber_dragon_123Dexzernq79
Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.
That one got me good.
"You'll never catch me, copper!"
"I wouldn't bet a nickel on it"
"I passed the test!" "That's beryllium!"
"have you seen any elemental dragons?" "I have heard of the hydra-gen!"
(BTW why do you have an art of my skin in your sig? haha I remember when I got that art made)
Dexzernq79
Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.
That one got me good.
"You'll never catch me, copper!"
"I wouldn't bet a nickel on it"
"I passed the test!" "That's beryllium!"
"have you seen any elemental dragons?" "I have heard of the hydra-gen!"
They say exercising helps with your decision making
Its true, after going to the gym, I decided to never go again
Its true, after going to the gym, I decided to never go again
ahah :,D
playtime is ogre
shrek is love, shrek is life
you crossed ogre the line
shrek is love, shrek is life
you crossed ogre the line
the puns
Have you heard the one about the water cordial? That's because it hasn't been made up yet!
Person #1: Want to hear a joke?
Person #2: Sure.
Person #1: Ceiling.
Person #2: I don't get it...
Person #1: Don't worry, it's an inside joke!
Person #2: Sure.
Person #1: Ceiling.
Person #2: I don't get it...
Person #1: Don't worry, it's an inside joke!
-snip-
You lost your phone and it's on silent?
Too bad. If you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it
Too bad. If you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it
You're fat
Don't sugar coat it because you'll eat that too
Don't sugar coat it because you'll eat that too
When life gives you lemons,
Click to reveal
Throw them back and say "I WANT CHOCOLATE!"
After talking to this fat girl who seemed to take an interest in me I decided to do the right thing.
"Here, if you want to see me again, call this number" I stated
"aww men don't usually give me their numbers"She replied excitedly
"Its not mine, its weight watchers"I said
"Here, if you want to see me again, call this number" I stated
"aww men don't usually give me their numbers"She replied excitedly
"Its not mine, its weight watchers"I said
hAHa
your jokes are the best
your jokes are the best
When life hands you lemons, what do you do? Squeeze them back into life's eyes...
1) Knock Knock
2) Who's there?
1) I ate a pile up
2) I ate a pile up who? (Sounds like he said he ate a pile of poo)
1) You ate a what?
Get it?
2) Who's there?
1) I ate a pile up
2) I ate a pile up who? (Sounds like he said he ate a pile of poo)
1) You ate a what?
Get it?
Sorry, I love dark humor
-snip-
-snip-
YOU DID NOT JUST PULL OUT THAT VANOSS JOKE.
Yes I did <--Thats vannoss
[deleted]
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Click to reveal
Damn!
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