I'd ignore Igorgames. A good story makes you ask questions; if you knew everything we'd you read the story? Anyways...
I like the story but the first sentence would be more interesting if you started with "Flames danced in the crisp winter air, tearing through the darkness" rather than start with an non-captivating sentence such as "It was dark". There is a comma splice here "clean through the silence, the sound of those" and here "into the snow, the scent of beer". Start a new sentence or use a semi colon ( this thing -> ; ). I kind of don't like how you say that night the alchemist's clover was stolen because if you worded it as "the most worshipped possession of the alchemists was taken" for example a character later on could explain it later on in more, greater detail. It also gives a bit of mystery.
Other than that you are a very descriptive writer; you've got the concept of show don't tell well in your head. You're going in a great direction.
