Few quick bits of feedback. One, the music in game really overpowers your voice and makes it hard to understand. People watch others gameplay commentary to have them share their experiences, not just watch the game. Second is the intro and background, when someone comes to your page; they are getting a first impression, and if its bland and boring. They won't stick around. And lastly, be more outgoing! People want to see you having fun, not just tolerating the game.
