The year is going so fast I might as well make my anniversary skin or smth smh

I seriously feel like I’m developing depression
but not one irl would care they would just say I’m just being an ‘attention seeker’ ‘you don’t look depressed’ ‘you seem fine’ ‘there’s no reason for you to be depressed.’



but oh god if only everyone knew how I have to live everyday when I don’t want to be on this earth any longer 😭

I literally feel emotionally and mentally drained and I have no one in person to talk to about it irl
Bc-
My mum would say I'm ungrateful
My dad doesn't even act like a parent to me
My 2 close friends don't know how to react or act which isn't their fault think its their neurodivergence
One doesn't know how to sympathize.
The other turns my symptoms nd worries onto themselves and basically tries to compete with what I'm going through as if they are suffering worst like wth 😭

Can't rlly tell my counselor or I would probably put in a care home or smth .-.
But in the last session u hd shes started picking up im emotionally drained

I am heavily relating to this song to much

'A little bit tired of tryin' to care when I don'tA little bit tired of quick repairs to cope
A little bit tired of sinking
There's water in my boat
I'm barely breathin'
Tryna stay afloat
So I got these quick repairs to copeDo you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die (I do tho-)
Like a numb little bug that's gotta survive
That's gotta survive'
Numb little bug - em beihold

This morning there was a car we have never seen before parked outside my house. It was probably waiting for one of us to leave so they could stab us or smth cus they think my mum is l's mum 😭
We were about to go out and checked the ring doorbell first
A car parked infront of our house was leaving
My mum told my dad to check the registration but as always he decided to act like a stupid dickhead instead.

Its like he's not even worried. Apparently he was laughing when our tyres got slashed.

On the daily mail news its report people fighting with machetes and hammers not sure if its the same people hunting for l

The gang is back outside my road atm im ngl im scared-
my mums saying she’s worried I’m telling her to phone the police before something happens but she’s ignoring me 😭
if something happens istg its her fault

Today I was having mental health first aid training at school

all the students year 8s - year 10s and the school counsellor and person training us agreed - England is a teenager experiencing bipolar 😭

Update: if you haven't already read my last post before this or it will make no sense
On the Tuesday the people with the machete knifes were chasing a boy my age (14) and were trying to stab him.
I found out bc I went to my sister's sch bc I left early so me and my mum went to pick her up
My mum explained her situation and a teacher said that explains why my son came here for no reason
She explained that her son were chased by 15 boys w big knifes 😭

tw: some people may find this sensitive

Hi,
this isn’t going to be my usual post.
if you have time this will probably be a while but it’s important you read it some time and I’d appreciate if you would :)
im not supposed to tell anyone but uh y’all are online strangers so what r u going to do o.o

There’s this boy let’s call him l.

on Tuesday 15-20 ppl w machetes came running down my road and they wanted to stab l. But apparently they stabbed someone else down the road* ('*' because I forgot to add this before)

My mum was outside when she saw it and had to hid behind our car while phoning the police
my mum told l’s mum to keep him inside. What did she do? She came outside and made it obvious where she was hiding. She snatched the phone out of my mums hands and was talking to the police and was making it obvious it was the police and she was talking about them. She was describing how they were dressed… in front of them ffs

yesterday both our tyres got slashed by knifes. They think my mum is l’s mum. So they prob want to stab her so I think that’s why they slashed the tyres.

My dad came out so now they (the gang) know what my dad looks like o.o
my mum phoned the police and they came
idk what happened bc my mum didn’t tell me the full story but all Ik is that they said we need to move house immediately and my mum said I may have to move school 😭
l’s mum set us up so my household looked like his household so now we r all in serious danger

this home we r living in was going to be our forever home my mum was planning on buying it but now bc of a bitch we may have to move
and I may have to move schools
i have my fucking end of year exams soon
I already chose my gcse options
that would ruin my whole academic life 😭

my school is so amazing and supportive it would destroy me
I cried myself to sleep last night
1. Bc I’m a loner at school
2. Bc I may have to move


but yeah so I post wall posts on pmc VERY often
if I don’t for a while then o7 it was nice knowing y’all ig

That’s enough revision for one day… (today is Thursday 18th atp all I have done is make the revision table thing lmfaooooo)

Why am I actually pretty proud of this 😭 (mainly the face idk what I like abt it sm lol)

:o I put up a picture on my page which matches my wall banner

I GOT A FUCKING GRADE 8 IN MY SCIENCE EXAM I ONLY LOST 7 POINTS OR SMTH AAAAA 😭
I went from a grade 3 and a grade 5 in my two previous science exams and now I got a grade 8 which is in between a and a* 😭
I haven't seen the test i just asked the teacher what I missed in my lesson and she told me she's telling me early before anyone else what my grade is and its an 8
I lit started crying in front of her 😭

'I live my day as if it was the last
Live my day as if there was no past
Doin' it all night, all summer
Doin' it the way I wanna
Yeah, I'ma dance my heart out 'til the dawn
But I won't be done when morning comes
Doin' it all night, all summer
Gonna spend it like no other'
Lush life- zara Larsson

Someone plz give me what she was on when writing that song I need it 😭

How fun
First day of school
By myself in all classes
Struggling to breathe without extreme pain but luckily I found a way to breath and mitigate the pain
And then something else will probably happen now im home .-.

I'm seriously considering running away from home or ending my life
I cant do it anymore
Its against my religion to k urself but atp I'd rather hell then living bc im already in hell .-.
My abusive father threatened to snap my finger backwards this morning so thats fun (not im being sarcastic to lighten the mood)
And in a few seconds in arriving at hell (school) for my first day back 😭
YaYyYy sitting in classes by urself bc your such a loner u have no friends
YaYyY having to go back home depressed but you don't rlly have anyone to vent out to apart from ppl on the internet 😭
And yall may think this isn't bad but trust me its sm worse

I gtg I've arrived at sch 😭:/
Wish me luck ig

Finally have a new pfp* *o* just need to get rid off the old character cus it’s still ugly

Omg but why do I act lowkey like my new wallpaper or whatever it’s called 😭😭

I’m literally paralysed in my legs from 4-9pm I’ve been running around with my cousins .-.

I have asthma hyper mobility (- severe pain) limb migraine (more pain o.o)
I can lit not walk 😭😭
I was literally babysitting 4 kids
2 - 5 year olds, 1, 4 year old , and 1, 1 year old o.o
lit all under my care at the same time
an hour of running after all of them (not as long for the youngest)
my back feels broken and now I’m crying about it and feel pathetic but I cannot help it


I’m sorry for this rant but I have no one to vent it out to 😭

oh yeah and my sister is fucking losing her mind
she keeps seeing monsters everywhere and they r tryna bite her or smth
early this morning my mum took her a and r (accident and emergency) but she was fine

I’m Muslim so we believe in spirits and stuff and uh 2 people died in my house o.o
coincident that she’s only delirious inside our home??

Fun fact stabbing urself with scissors doesn't hurt that much :O
(it was an accident) but soon it won't be an accident)

'Whats your name i didn't quite catch it' he said
'I didn't throw it' I replied before walking off.

*

But many years later as we stood together on the wedding podium we shared our last name as one, but now there's only one of us with our feet above the ground as one of us is six feet under but still in the skies above.

This is something I wrote in my university scholars program I am doing atm I wrote it an hour ago what do yall think?

Someone in my group said 'woah I think u need to write the rest of that thats really good!!!' 😭
Should I?