Its a shame sometimes when I forget to write. Sometimes I completely forget the reason why I even began these journals. These are my mediums to writing fearlessly, without the need to be judged because these aren't for others personal enjoyment. These are for me. However, sometimes these journals are also to remind myself that the world is a cruel place. Am I myself becoming as cruel as the world outside? I would think so. 






With social media today, contact between myself and the outside world may seem beneficial. It helps to broaden my horizons, expand my job opportunity, meet new people. But with it, I'm also exposed to different types of people. Almost everything that has been created around us is man-made. We in ourselves don't choose for ourselves but what others want us to choose. Whether it be something physically, spiritually, socially, mentally. Everything we do is not of our own becoming. No matter how good or bad, we are all influenced by something. So if everything  we do is influence by another, then why don't we just act out in rebellion? Sadly, its not so easy. In this world we have the nature to conform to any sect that present us. Its our nature. Some people would be introverted, extroverted, but we still conform to a grouping. 

You're probably by now aren't even sure what this relates too anymore but as I explain, maybe it will get a bit clearer. I've been in so many crowds over the years, but to save time I'll just classify them as the good and the bad. The good crowd is the crowd that society wishes you to be. The image brought out by high ranking figures and authorities. The hero in your childhood novel who would save the day and good will always triumph over everything kind of guy. The usual ​blah blah blah happy ending get the girl ​ kinda endings. Then there's what I would like to call the bad crowd. The headstrong rebels who do whatever they please to oppose ​the man​ and don't care what happens as they raise there head and fingers up high. Would seem righteous to be one of them right; not to me. Those vigilantes can be seen sometimes as the antagonist in the story as they oppose the protagonists and they can also seem like the protagonist as in everything they do they do it for the ​"greater good"​. But to think about it, they're something to worry about as they're greater good can be practically anything their mind perceives  They can hurt people, undeserving people but they think its the greater good, they can cause enormous amounts of damage because they think its for the greater good. Also, its not really setting a proper standard for true individuality as they're always looking up. I mean its great to view the stars but its better to reach it. You shouldn't have to be constantly be looking up when you can be climbing your way up. 

You thought though that the good crowd is getting away? Well think again. I may not have as  many reasons for the imperfections within the good people of society but I'll at least try. The good crowd as said before are the conformists, the ones that society wants you to be. Well think of it this way, in any literature novel I've read, the good crowd could be seen as those who don't rebel against the current societal standard. However, what if the  societal norm isn't as genuine as you make it appear to be. I'm gonna use my all time favorites on this one and use thee example of Star Wars. In the original trilogy, they lived in societies either ruled by the Republic or the Sith and the Sith were considered the bad guys because they wanted to shape their empire around what they wanted it to be. However, for imperial citizens, it was rather normal. No signs of abuse detected by the majority and the Sith see them as the "good ones". So you can imagine now that if society extends a norm that may seem wrong to you, in all their reasoning it maybe right. That's what I learnt from listening to my sister about Sociology. If society sets a ruling, its made a norm. Even with the small rebellion.






I am no different. I can't say I belong to any specific crowd as I alternate between the two from carious times. However, I would say though that there is one type that some people do belong to and that is the Genuine. The genuine unlike everybody else is what I believe in. Even though I may not be in it, I do believe in it. The genuine don't believe in giving and receiving back what they gave you. The genuine don't do something just because society told them it was right or do it because society told them it was wrong. They have the reasoning, the development of self thinking to perform the correct action that benefits others without hurting anyone. Its like mutuality in some ways. But then again I can never know.






My way of thinking is different from others as everyone may have a different thought process, even if they sometimes match. However I am someone who needs the most help, I spiral sometimes. I know what's right from what's wrong but I am a meager little voice in the eyes of others. I lack the strength and the courage to say these things out in the open. That's why I use the internet as my medium. I guess that's why I write my journals, not only to remind myself of who I once was but as a cry of help to ask for pardon and be cleansed of the evil within.