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A Heart of Snow (Contest 5th Place)

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avatar Zatharel
Level 44 : Master Sweetheart
371
I'm uploading this in quite literally the last minute without even a single proofread. Yeah. Enjoy.

Ancient Text / Introduction

An ancient text, it spoke
Of one that had awoke


Traveling through the snow
Comfortable in the cold


Not by spell, nor by a charm
Could it do any harm


Not by will, nor by strange force
Could it end its remorse


Not by the Moon, nor the stars
Could it heal its scars


And on a Winter day
It begins to decay


And as snow is falling
It is now slowly dying


Rising

I knew I could not smell
Yet I smelled cold winter air



I knew I could not feel
Yet I was loyal like a dog


I knew I was no sheep
Yet I had a shepherd indeed


The snow rises
And it will protect


The snow rises
And there is no storm


The snow rises
And I am born


Runaway

I remember a lost day,
A day so far, far away


We went out, casual stroll
To where he took his toll


As we walked upon our path
We had forgotten the way back


And it was then they came out
And it was then the Master’s shout


And there I stood and bravely fought
Yet it was his own safety Master sought


And it was when they saw me crack
They began a fierce attack


It was over when I finally came to
And there was no doubt it was true


There I stood alone as I had once been
For the Master was nowhere to be seen


The Walk

As my end slowly grew near,
I walked, absorbed my fear


Near the lonesome woods,
Two villagers with dark hoods


I approached them and greeted,
But into the woods they retreated


With a naive tempo I followed
Attempting to kill my sorrow


Surrounded by cold, lifeless ground
They were nowhere to be found


At once they came out to kill
For coin, or perhaps for thrill


As I was ready to face my demise
I saw an army of one shadow arise


When I finally looked around,

There was no life, nor sound


I continued along the void of my path
Walking boldly, not looking back


After a short distance I had once again
Reached the place where I had lost a friend


Perhaps there was a reason I circled around?
Perhaps there was something meant to be found?


A Heart of Snow / Conclusion

I stood on the fragments I held onto
Wondering if what I thought was true


And it was as the snow began to melt
And it was as I did not know what I felt


And in the ground that was below
That I saw a cave which was hollow


And it was in that very specific hollow cave
That I saw a decaying body of a man so great


I could not feel, but I felt a sense of relief
Something to finally soothe my grief


My master had never run the other way
He merely slept so he may fight another day


And it was then that I began to melt
And it was then I finally knew what I felt


And it was when I thought he had gone
That I realized he had been with me all along




Decided to include a jukebox for nostalgia sake. RIP Cohen.
v0nmHymgM7Y
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Comments : 10

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What if you win first AGAIN??!!??
  • Zatharel
  • Level 44
  • Master Sweetheart
  • January 19, 2017, 5:30 am
nah that ain't happening, lots of better entries this time around.
Good :D
it smells like rotten cheese
  • Zatharel
  • Level 44
  • Master Sweetheart
  • December 28, 2016, 7:34 am
mmmkay?
  • Strauss
  • Level 1
  • New Nerd
  • December 27, 2016, 4:11 am
So good, too bad I can't diamond twice
  • DragonLilly
  • Level 20
  • Expert Dragonborn
  • December 24, 2016, 8:21 am
wow I was hoping to win the contest but I'm screwed this is to good XD
Damn, tryna catch up to you :P
  • Pepijn
  • Level 54
  • Grandmaster Cyborg
  • December 23, 2016, 5:10 am
Nice entry. The story you told is way better than most other entries I've read.

The only thing I can think of that is sort of "negative" (just for the sake of complaining :P): I'm personally not a fan of AA BB CC rhyme schemes as I find them not "flow" as well as others, but that's just my taste of course.
  • Zatharel
  • Level 44
  • Master Sweetheart
  • December 23, 2016, 5:20 am
At the time of writing this I was studying about the Persian ghazal, which contains 6-26 stanzas (2 lines per stanza) and has a few other specific things in it. This isn't a ghazal because those things are damn hard to write, but definitely inspired by it.

I wasn't going to use rhymes at first but then it just became natural and I stuck with the AA/BB/CC. It's an interesting scheme for me but I can understand why some don't like it.

Thanks for the criticism though c:

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