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Well, some of you may have seen me cracking them in the chat. Some may have not. Either way, I'M BRING YOU CHUCK NORRIS...
Top 50
1.The only thing Chuck Norris doesn't know is his true potential.
2.Chuck Norris can do a push-up without hands.
3. Chuck Norris is able to pause online games
4. Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
5.Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
6. Chuck Norris can catch laser pointers.
7. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
8. Chuck Norris can catch laser pointers.
9. Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
10. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
11. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
12. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
13. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
14. Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
15. Once a cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
16. Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
17. Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
18. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
19. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
20. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
21. Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the crap out of it
22. Chuck Norris played Rock Paper and Scissors in front of a mirror and won.
23. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
24. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
25. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
26. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
27. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
29. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
30. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
31. Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
32. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
33. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
34. Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
35. The original name for the film 'Aliens vs. Predators' was 'Alien and Predators vs. Chuck Norris'
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
36. Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
37. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
38. When Chuck Norris goes to job interviews, employers give him their resumés.
39. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
40. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.
41. Chuck Norris only works out once a year.....that's about all the gym equipment can take.
42. Once, an entire country disagreed with Chuck Norris. It's now known as the moon
43. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
44. Chuck Norris doesn't run at the speed of light, the light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris
45. Chuck Norris doesn't swim, he pushes the ocean out of his way.
46. Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as ''You Know Who''
47. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
48. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
49. Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed
50. Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
__________________
I hope you like these jokes. :) Diamond, fav and subscribe for more.
___________________
Thanks for readings
SuperJosh635
(I can always add on more or change them. Just comment.)
Top 50
1.The only thing Chuck Norris doesn't know is his true potential.
2.Chuck Norris can do a push-up without hands.
3. Chuck Norris is able to pause online games
4. Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
5.Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
6. Chuck Norris can catch laser pointers.
7. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
8. Chuck Norris can catch laser pointers.
9. Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
10. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
11. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
12. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
13. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
14. Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
15. Once a cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
16. Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
17. Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
18. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
19. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
20. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
21. Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the crap out of it
22. Chuck Norris played Rock Paper and Scissors in front of a mirror and won.
23. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
24. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
25. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
26. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
27. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
29. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
30. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
31. Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
32. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
33. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
34. Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
35. The original name for the film 'Aliens vs. Predators' was 'Alien and Predators vs. Chuck Norris'
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
36. Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
37. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
38. When Chuck Norris goes to job interviews, employers give him their resumés.
39. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
40. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - backwards.
41. Chuck Norris only works out once a year.....that's about all the gym equipment can take.
42. Once, an entire country disagreed with Chuck Norris. It's now known as the moon
43. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
44. Chuck Norris doesn't run at the speed of light, the light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris
45. Chuck Norris doesn't swim, he pushes the ocean out of his way.
46. Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as ''You Know Who''
47. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
48. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
49. Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed
50. Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
__________________
I hope you like these jokes. :) Diamond, fav and subscribe for more.
___________________
Thanks for readings
SuperJosh635
(I can always add on more or change them. Just comment.)
| Credit | Chuck Norris and his facts |
| Tags |
1 Update Logs
Update #1 : by SuperJosh635 11/17/2012 9:52:32 amNov 17th, 2012
Numbered the jokes for reference
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