Published Dec 27th, 2024, 12/27/24 11:33 am
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Hello my dear audience and dear strangers who might stop by. Annually I am here to tell some personal life updates and thoughts about life in general. Maybe you'll find something you needed to hear in my words to then help yourself reflect on your own life and be inspired by my actions or be cautious by seeing my mistakes :) |
For me personally winter is time to reflect, think, and dive deep into my life choices and decisions.
Slow down, observe for a while, feel what I want and need.
So by the spring I can unfreeze myself and bloom as beautifully as I can.
This year I was shuttered and forced to crawl and collect all the pieces to become whole again.
Still processing it all nowadays, hoping to let go and start fresh, as we all are in the New Year.
Rough start.
The 2024 started for me brutally, placing me in the middle of unnecessary drama.
Whole community, I was a part of, accused me in awful things, forcing me to prove I wasn't a bad guy.
But while trying so hard to show them I cared and never did any wrong, I suddenly realized I do not have to.
If after 4 years they don't even see who I am, why would I bother proving that I'm a good one?
So I just quietly left, and I'm glad I did. Why give your best into something not really worth your attention?
I'd spill more tea, but you're all too in love with this guy, and I'm once again not gonna be believed anyways.
Let's leave it here. I'm glad I saw the true toxic colors of him and his community and removed myself out of it.
Something came true.
Grieving the betrayal and a lost of my safe place, I tried to focus on my own things.
I was able to turn my passion into a job.
This year I created a store for my Minecraft builds on Ko-Fi and re-released every project.
I opened commissions, and amazing customers found me with inspiring orders!
Rachel, if you are reading this, you are my blessing, I appreciate you so much!
Most of the year.
I spent months focusing on orders and ideas, sounds like a dream,
however my mental health was struggling a lot in the process.
My surroundings, unfortunately, are nowhere near changing to the better.
East part of Ukraine is wildly unsafe space, also called as my home.
For almost 3 years the war here is real and cruel,
taking away friends and family members one by one.
Unfair and violently.
My days spin around 2 feelings:
Deep rooted depression and grief, and random upbeat gratitude for being alive
and trying to stay worthy of this chance I have - still be here.
I can not describe the feelings I have here every day,
it ruined me forever, and I know that.
I can only fight to accept this and learn to live with these images in my mind.
I know a lot of you care and pray for me and my family, thank you all for that.
Thank you so so much.
If I could leave it all, trust me I would.
But I'm stuck here for so many reasons... more like I'm just caged.
But still here. Alive, lucky, and blessed.
Music.
Ah, another passion of mine, but I've been putting it away for another year, unfortunately.
Even tho, I never stopped creating lyrics and melodies to express my feelings,
I didn't get the chance to turn them into something worth releasing to the public.
I invested some time in learning but I am still far from producing something I am satisfied with
(somebody take away my perfectionism, please๐ ).
Losing the music partner made me realize I don't have to stick to their opinion about my music anymore.
Too rock, too pop, too boring, too casual, not impressive, yada-yada-yada.
They made me feel worthless for years but...
What if I can sound however I want now? What if I can be anything?
I feel like I can freely just do whatever I want and fulfill any vision I have about everything I've been keeping in my vault for years.
I could call the 2024 year - the year of cleansing.
Why? It washed so many friends off of me for good.
Were they even friends I still wonder... Guess not.
The real ones would stay.
Whole stack of 7 people decided to rust our connections this year,
and I am grateful for that.
Not hiding the fact that I hate some of them for hurting me so much, while I was already in pain.
But mostly I just let them go.
So as a closure I just wanna address all of them.
Community guys, phony friend, sneaky rat, toxic music partner, returned long-lost mean friend, and...
the one who was my best friend for 7 years.
Thank you, for abandoning me.
It made me see who you really are, and I honestly feel free from you.
I can even see my real self more clear, being out of your influence.
Please, don't ever contact me again.
And don't tell people that you knew me, cause truly you never did.
My future dreams and actions: |
Album release. I am proudly starting the next year with full investment in music to release an album and say what I wanted to say with my lyrics. I am extremely grateful for support of my music project neveroctober. |
Minecraft Secret Something new and special related to Minecraft is coming to live in 2025, I've been working hard on it for a while. |
Upgrading work environment. I am already in process of improving my working space using money I've got for my builds from Ko-Fi shop. If you purchased any of my maps I am extremely grateful! |
Minecraft Maps I am booked for a lot of big maps for next year and their release is under embargo, so you might not see a lot of my published projects, but I still build and build a lot, don't lose me I'm forever on Planet Minecraft :) |
2024 closure.
And even after everything, I don't feel defeated, I feel at my very strongest, even while being at my very lowest.
I have dreams, and maybe I don't have that much hope anymore,
but I believe in my own powers now 'cause they're real.
I want you to feel powerful and fearless in 2025.
Tender, yet invincible.
Trust your gut, pay attention to your feelings.
Find your passion and stick to it, even if other people call it silly or unserious.
Only YOU can define yourself and YOU can be whoever you want or at any time change your mind and reinvent yourself.
Care about your true friends and never forgive those who betrayed you.
You can move on without forgiving them.
I'll see you soon in my next project. With forever love to you ๐
Cara.
Credit | to Aqua - for support, happy days, for holding my last drops of mental health, and bringing me well-being ๐ |
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The words at the end are very helpful. :D
Random but I kinda wanna hear the tea ngl. I wonder who "guy" is.
everybody likes the tea hehe