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mentally stuck

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CaraRose avatar CaraRose
Retired Moderator
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Princess
569
Hello everyone, thank you for being here right now.
This blog can clarify everything about quest and tell you some personal experience.
it's gonna be extremely honest, hard and open
if you'd like to know - this is all for you.
it don't - just take a deep breath and close this page.


SUPPORTERS ON PMC
Firstly, I want to say a huge thank you for your support!
Especially these people who said very nice things to make me feel better.
You really motivated me to continue making the quest at some point.

mythicaldream69 SouthDakotaGirl Overlord_Aqua_2 Funiverse Minnesota Karaoke Bertiecrafter O2xygen Papa Enny

These people supported me in the comment section
when I decided to create a forum discussion to ask your opinion about quest.


THE BEGGINING OF AUTUMN ANXIETY

As we all know I created some quests for the community in the past
and surely wanted to make another one for Christmas
right after I put everything left in me into Halloween quest.
Unfortunately, I didn't realize I was extremely drained of every strength and emotion.
And you didn't know that it was actually hard for me to create Halloween quest back then.
I managed to do it great tho, but well... I ignored everything my mind and body said to me.


CHRISTMAS QUEST PROCESS

I really wanted to make it an amazing thing for everyone, as I did last year.
It was so so great. We were having fun under the Christmas tree on my quest map.
I needed it. So I surely decided to start creating a new quest.

I was struggling through the whole December with no motivation to do anything
and with a lot of pressure to make Christmas quest.
I know nobody actually expected it from me, but I wanted to bring some joy to everyone 'cause it makes me happy.
I was hoping to heal myself by creating something for people.
Well... I had no idea I was empty inside.
That's when I thought "Oh, I just need some more motivation"
and I decided to create a forum discussion to see how many of you actually was waiting for the quest.

It did motivate me eventually for 2-3 full days of building and creating puzzles
and I was... kinda happy but truly lied to myself.
I was not okay at all.

Those hard-working days drained me even more.
I started to feel no joy from the process but I kept going 'cause I was hoping I can feel better if I finish it.

Around December 28 I felt like I have nothing in me at all.
No Christmas / New Year mood.
No will power to wake up at the morning
No idea what to do with all of those emotions.
I cried every day and felt like I achieved nothing in 2021.


IRL

October/November/December was the time when it all started. I lost a friend to covid, 4 years relationships got into huge troubles, I had to make some lifechanging decisions, I felt overwhelmed with my job and other projects I have, some people from my past came back and confused everything I built without them, I experienced some hate and threats, got confused about life purposes and my existence, and

sensitive content
tried to take my own life, feeling useless, weak and unwanted.
I was clearly not okay. I wish I could actually see it earlier.


FINAL UNDERSTANDING
In January I realized if I have nothing to give from my heart to yours
then there is no point of doing this quest anyways.
I was stressed and I felt anxious.
I did not wanted to "share" these feelings through my builds.
I know some of you said I can create this quest even for January/February
but it just didn't feel right anymore.
It was meant to give you Christmas happiness
not just any random winter vibes.
So I officially decided - it can wait till December 2022.


NOWADAYS
Well here I am. January is quite passing me by.
I still feel weird. I tried to rest but I think I don't even know how to relax anymore..
But I have a hope I'm gonna be fine anyways.
I'm gonna get through the whole mess around me and in me.

Thank you for still being so carrying and kind people even if you don't really know me.
I feel so safe here with all of you.

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2
02/27/2022 11:08 am
Level 29 : Expert Enchanter
AvatarKage
AvatarKage avatar
I understand you completely, hope you doing alright.
2
01/20/2022 12:03 am
Level 6 : Apprentice Artist
ComposerLumos
ComposerLumos avatar
I'm so sorry all this happened to you. I have not gone through anything nearly as bad/hard as what you've gone through, I don't know you at all, and there's nothing I can say that could be better than what other people here have said. But... I believe in you, and I know you will be very happy again! Don't worry about making things for us, go do whatever helps you and makes you happy! I hope you have very nice family members and friends to help you get through this – I mean, while I know that kind comments from people here can have a big impact, they can only go so far, especially ones from complete strangers like me.
Anyway, I just really hope that you will get through everything. It doesn't matter that I don't know who you are... because everyone deserves to have a happy life. (Especially such an amazing and kind person, as I can already tell you are!)
I hope my words help you even just a tiny bit. I wish you the very best!

<3

Sincerely,
Composer Lumos
2
01/20/2022 4:36 am
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Princess
CaraRose
CaraRose avatar
aw thank you for your warm words ♡
3
01/19/2022 5:39 pmhistory
Level 48 : Master Enderdragon
SouthDakotaGirl
SouthDakotaGirl avatar
I hope things start to look up for you!

Also here's my advice take a break. It sounds like you need it. I don't mean take a break from PMC, I mean take a break from anything projects that might stress you out (unless it's for work). If it's not urgent or required don't do it. It's not worth the stress and you need to take time for yourself.

Also Just go have fun. It sounds like you put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes you just need to do something fun that you find childish. Like play in the rain or slid across the house in socks. Idk I'm werid. Sometimes you just need to laugh or cry.

In the end everything will work out. Just give a little time to yourself ok? I mean it. You are a amazing person and you will get past this mess.

Also I hope you have good friend(s) that you have expressed all the crap that happened during in October/November/December. Because keeping all that in is really bad. If you don't have good friend(s) or haven't expressed stuff then I heavily suggest you do.

We are here for you if you need us.
1
01/20/2022 4:34 am
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Princess
CaraRose
CaraRose avatar
thank you so much! I appreciate your advice ♡
3
01/19/2022 7:45 am
Level 54 : Grandmaster Guard
Overlord_Aqua_2
Overlord_Aqua_2 avatar
I like to thank you first for all the work you've been making for us and it is really great to meet an amazing member such as you. Just remember that we are here to help you out too. Take some rest when you feel like it and don't force yourself to push too hard for us. You cam message some people you trust here if you like.

If you're interested, read Holy Bible and/or listen to the audio. As a Christian, God has a way to heal my heart from all the troubles in my past and gave me signs and messages on what I need to do. From there, I'm slowly recovering and I believe that he will heal your heart and give you something that you need as well [Matthew 7:7]. Always remember that I'm here praying for you and I'm sure there are more people who loves you praying for you. Stay strong. ♥
3
01/19/2022 9:24 am
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Princess
CaraRose
CaraRose avatar
oh.. thank you so so much! ♡
3
01/19/2022 6:04 am
Level 29 : Expert Skinner
Funiverse Minnesota
Funiverse Minnesota avatar
All I can say is that if you feel like it's an obligation to make something your gonna find it dissatisfying in the end. I don't believe anyone will be angry if you skip out on a quest and if someone is angry they do not deserve your attention.
3
01/19/2022 6:44 am
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Princess
CaraRose
CaraRose avatar
yeah you're totally right! and that's why I decided to skip it
oh but I wish quest was my only problem
3
01/18/2022 6:38 am
Level 43 : Master Dragonborn
Anas099
Anas099 avatar
U Know Sometimes in life we feel down, in a void with nothing only depression But Always remember that even with hard times comes a happy ending. It doesn't Mean that when the life is leaving pressure on us that we are losting our value everyone is still important nomatter what happen or will happen person do not lose Value in life. everyone is playing a important role that's also including you so don't let deperssion let u down just rise up and try ur best :b.
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