Welcome, to my very secondest tutorial which will be equally laced with sarca-- I mean truth as my last one. Now, today I will teach you-- Whats that? Oh. Apparently (According to my proofreader) teaching you how to piss off a teacher would not be a good topic for today. Instead, I will teach you how to hunt an assorment of creatures in this dreaded thing you've probably never heard of... REAL LIFE! *DUN DUN DUUUUUNNN!*. Who am I kidding I'venever seen a actual life before, it sound horrifying, I mean, social interaction and EEEEEEWWWWWW. Ok, let us get to our first of five prey:

THE ELEPHANT:

In order to hunt a creature, you must BE the creature. Now, I want you to touch your nose to your arm. Now wave it around. Yes good job. Now, you must go eat tons of Mcdonalds food in order to-- What? My proofreader tells me eating enough Mcdonalds food will not get you as fat as the elephant. Ok, instead of eating Mcdonalds food, you must get pregnant with a alien baby via the Illuminatis secret alien baby maker ray. As the alien festers inside you, remember, its worth it! Now-- Ok fine I made the whole illuminati thing up, just go eat lots of pickles or something and come back when you're done. Ok, done? Now, get down on all three limbs left (remember, one is touching your nose) AND HUNT THAT ELEPHANT!

Disclaimer: If this section did not help you hunt elephants, you likley suffer from being a moron and you should consult your local mother immediatly.

THE YOUTUBE SUBSCRIBER:

This prey, has some requirements. You must be a tween, yes, you cant get subs unless you're a tween. Now, make sure your voice is realy high pitched got it? Ok. Now go buy a realy bad mic, make sure it can pick up your typing noises. You're almost set, last thing you need is minecraft, after all, what other game could you possibly record *COUGH*alanwakeborderlands2callofdutystarwarstheforceunleashedassassinscreedstrongholdcrusaderteamfortress2halflife2portal2samandmaxleftfordead2ammnesiagmodeurotrucksimulator2014goatsimulatorxcomdeadpoolbattlefield4finalfantasy--waitwhichoneareweon?legendofzeldahalomariodarksidersdishoneredmasseffect*COUGH*. Now then, you'll want make sure you ave a completley rediculouse username everyone will ever remember, how about xXDaBauss7867657567696543234564747635847648746894368567856785658706523803850768037690347408759037639074634907Xx. With a name like that, no one will think anyone else just had he name xXDaBaussXx or that you're a complete idiot, no they'll all think "Wow that guys username isn't rediculous and doesnt sound like a steriotypical gamer tween, I should realy check him out!". Ok, now you need to hunt. First, load your account with two pointless tutorials that no one else has made, lets say, "How to survive your first night in minecraft" or "How to make a minecraft server", that way you even will have googles attention. Now, you need to go around to everyone with more then 100,000 subscribers channel (Yes even pewdiepie) and spam the comments with "Hey, Im new, and if you guys could check out my channel that would be awsome! Once you get 10 subscribers, (which are realy other account you need to make, see my nonexistant guide on "How to forge accounts") you can start doing lets plays. Also, microsoft paint will work well for you're thumbnails, but if you're to lazy, google images will do just fine. Happy hunting! *snicker*

Disclaimer: Using this method will often draw in people with taste who will do this nasty thing called criticize you, you've been warned.

THE MONEY FROM STEAM:

So, youtube isnt working so well for you huh? You're down in the dumps. You need a self esteem boost, well LOOK NO FARTHER! First off, go find a free game maker online, any one will do. Now, make a game that about, one infinityinth of the way works, now from here you have a few options. Option number one is find a publisher who is known to upload good, quality games, liiiiikkke, EA, but they might be a bit to busy dealing with all the love they get to deal with you, and besides, if they got ahold of your game they would make it waaaaaaaaaayyy to good, right? Ok, option number two is steam greenlight, but thats no gauruntee (unless you just put up fake screenshots from google images). Now, make sure your game is in early acsess, and advertise a bunch of features you'll never be able to finish. Ok, it should be selling for around twenty bucks, then, right before the update that will add allthe cool features that were promised, announce they are allcancelled and you're only doing bug fixes from here on out (Oh don't actualy do those, that would be to much work.), don't worry, no one will be dissapointed or angry, after all, you're in early accsess. Ok, now abandon your game and never ever touch it again. Whats that? People are complaining?!? Goodness grascious me, who could have predicted that? Hmmm... Oh I know! You should just delete everything negative and tell everyone that they were trolls and morons, that usualy works.

Disclaimer: You might be spammed with positive cmments and reveiws to the point where you wont want to touch steam ever again.

THE SNIPE:

Ok, so you want more animal hunting, well the snipe isn't the brightest of animals. It's a hybrid between a Mongoose, Wombat, Moss Handled Three Headed Family Gradunza, and Easter Bunny. Now, you'll need a flashlight, and a laundry basket. In order to catch a snipe, you must go out into the woods, with your eyes closed. Walk for six undred sixty six seconds, the spin around in a circle six hundred sixty six times, and sit down. When its night time, open your eyes and flick your flashlight on. Now scream one of the three following things: "ASKLFGJFHUOIDFGHDJGBJHCGDTYCUSLFYGBHBVHCGKXRSXYCULVI:BJNKLBVHUGCXRCYVUHBJNIVHCXTECTF GVBHJGVCRCYUVBIYV" "HERE SNIPEY SNIPEY SNIPEY!" "*This section of the blog was censcored because planet minecraft would not approve of children seeing it*". Now when it comes, snatch it up with the laundry basket and bring it home.

Disclaimer: Family might think you are to intelligent to stay inside the house once you catch the snipe.

THE GIRLFRIEND:

The requirements are that you have a life. The fact you are actualy reading this, and you are that desprate, testifies to your lack of a life. Sorry bud, this prey is waaaaaaaayyy out of your league. Ooooooohhh I have no life do I.....?

Disclaimer: TROLOLOLOL

That is all, this is for a contest on who can write the most sarcastic blog. I am beyond good at being sarcastic, in fact I even have my own nicknames due to my sarcasm, I have been dubbed, "Smart*$$" and "Twit" . *bows* that is all.
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