Please remember that this is a joke blog. Fangirls don’t have a disease, though they are slightly special in the brain department. Enjoy!



The Symptoms


We all know the symptoms of advanced fangirling. Those afflicted with this terrible condition usually have dark circles under their eyes, chipped nail polish from three weeks prior, and a desire to wear onesies outdoors, and tend to actively try and pass their condition on to others. Unless they are isolated from unaffected humans, they can easily pass on their fandom. What is their fandom you ask? Well, their fandom is a specific strain of the disease. Fangirls who have different strains attack and try to convert other fangirls who have different fandoms within their cells, usually with dire consequences.


Conversion and Dominant Strains


Conversion is only possible when a fangirl encounters another fangirl with a more submissive strain. Say ‘fangirl A’ had a strain of fangirling known as ‘Doctor Who’. ‘Fangirl A’ encounters ‘fangirl B’ who has a nasty case of Onision fangirling. Now, ‘fangirl B’ has a submissive strain, therefore she can be converted to the more dominant strain, which is Doctor Who. As far as we know, YouTube strains are the most dominant type of fangirling, with TV shows a close second.


Reduction Therapy


Teams of scientists all over the world have collaborated in order to cure this hideous viral disease. In the last few months they’ve been working on a technique called ‘reduction therapy’. During this process a fangirl will gradually have any sort of content related to their fandom taken away. This starves the virus of sustenance without affecting the fangirl in any way. Some say it’s cruel to the patient, most say they will thank the doctors later once they’ve got the horrible disease out of their system.


The Affects of Fangirling on Families


A few weeks ago we interviewed the Robertson family. They are a family of three from Denver, in Norfolk, and last year they discovered their daughter had the early symptoms of fangirling. Bob Robertson had always been a strong father figure; however, during the interview he expressed how helpless he felt when he found fanfiction in his daughter’s search history. “I was distraught; I couldn’t believe it had happened to us.” This sense of helplessness is common among family and friends of the victim. The disease has little to no information about it in mainstream media, leading to awful misconceptions.


Success Stories


Not all cases of fangirling are bad news. Reduction therapy has a one in five chance of success, with many fangirls going on to live fulfilling normal lives. Relapses can occur, but with the right support recovering fangirls can make it through. So for all those reading, remember the signs:


~Peeling nail polish from three weeks prior


~Dark circles under the eyes


~A tendency to lash out at those expressing opinions that conflict with theirs


~If they are making an effort to convince you to think the same way


 


Don’t let people live in ignorance. Tell your friends they’re infected, and get them to seek help. You may just save a life.