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The Most Serious School Survival Guide
With the new school year fast approaching, many of you will be wondering how to get down with those cool kids so you aren’t a complete dork for another year. Well, look no further! In this mature and well written tutorial, I will explain how to attain ‘swag’ and ‘human companions’. This information is as true as the pop ups which promise you wrinkle free skin in three days.
Dressing Majestically
All those who aren’t forced to wear a uniform will be faced with the daily dilemma of picking out an outfit. To ensure you don’t get your head flushed on your first day for being a complete loser, you have to ditch the jogging pants and creeper themed shirts. Here, we shall refer to popular teen stars such as ‘Justin Bieber’, and ‘Miley Cyrus’. Impersonating these two is guaranteed to gain you ‘street reputation’ and ‘swagger’.
Male Outfits:
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr01/2013/2/27/13/enhanced-buzz-27046-1361989103-13.jpg
http://theeverymanjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/hammer-pants-justin.jpg
Female Outfits:
http://awesomegifs.com/wp-content/uploads/twerking-miley-cyrus-turkey.gif
http://img.allw.mn/content/2013/11/05183111_5810.jpg
Getting the Right Equipment
Some may spend twenty plus pounds on new pens and pencils every year. Why should you? Since you are obviously not a total idiot, you are just going to be the guy who turns up with a pen tucked somewhere in the waistband of your trousers. This will earn you some serious respect. Turning up on the first day with no proper equipment and a terrible attitude to learning is how you gather the coolest of human companions!
Prioritising Work
High school is the stool that will enable you to reach the top shelf of a successful adulthood. So what you are going to do is kick the stool out from under yourself and waste your time on unnecessary things and human companions! Let’s be honest here, we all know that the reputation you gain in high school lasts forever! It’s something required for every application to McDonalds.
Remembering to be True to YOU
Sometimes it feels like the tide of posers will sweep you away, taking with it your personality and little quirks which make you unique. This is completely fine! Allow yourself to be dragged away and feel the Facebook friends increase by the second. Everyone knows these friends are for life, and anyone with three thousand friends on social media is obviously at the height of their existence. Going with these people will ensure you collect the right human companions, ones with the swagger that you deserve.
In all Seriousness
Don’t do drugs, and don’t mess up school. Parties may be fun, but it isn’t worth it. If you’re getting bullied, tell someone. Don’t let peer pressure get to you. Real friends don’t care about necking whiskey; real friends are up for Netflix and pizza. Have a safe year, and please remember this is all my messed up sarcastic humour.
With the new school year fast approaching, many of you will be wondering how to get down with those cool kids so you aren’t a complete dork for another year. Well, look no further! In this mature and well written tutorial, I will explain how to attain ‘swag’ and ‘human companions’. This information is as true as the pop ups which promise you wrinkle free skin in three days.
Dressing Majestically
All those who aren’t forced to wear a uniform will be faced with the daily dilemma of picking out an outfit. To ensure you don’t get your head flushed on your first day for being a complete loser, you have to ditch the jogging pants and creeper themed shirts. Here, we shall refer to popular teen stars such as ‘Justin Bieber’, and ‘Miley Cyrus’. Impersonating these two is guaranteed to gain you ‘street reputation’ and ‘swagger’.
Male Outfits:
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr01/2013/2/27/13/enhanced-buzz-27046-1361989103-13.jpg
http://theeverymanjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/hammer-pants-justin.jpg
Female Outfits:
http://awesomegifs.com/wp-content/uploads/twerking-miley-cyrus-turkey.gif
http://img.allw.mn/content/2013/11/05183111_5810.jpg
Getting the Right Equipment
Some may spend twenty plus pounds on new pens and pencils every year. Why should you? Since you are obviously not a total idiot, you are just going to be the guy who turns up with a pen tucked somewhere in the waistband of your trousers. This will earn you some serious respect. Turning up on the first day with no proper equipment and a terrible attitude to learning is how you gather the coolest of human companions!
Prioritising Work
High school is the stool that will enable you to reach the top shelf of a successful adulthood. So what you are going to do is kick the stool out from under yourself and waste your time on unnecessary things and human companions! Let’s be honest here, we all know that the reputation you gain in high school lasts forever! It’s something required for every application to McDonalds.
Remembering to be True to YOU
Sometimes it feels like the tide of posers will sweep you away, taking with it your personality and little quirks which make you unique. This is completely fine! Allow yourself to be dragged away and feel the Facebook friends increase by the second. Everyone knows these friends are for life, and anyone with three thousand friends on social media is obviously at the height of their existence. Going with these people will ensure you collect the right human companions, ones with the swagger that you deserve.
In all Seriousness
Don’t do drugs, and don’t mess up school. Parties may be fun, but it isn’t worth it. If you’re getting bullied, tell someone. Don’t let peer pressure get to you. Real friends don’t care about necking whiskey; real friends are up for Netflix and pizza. Have a safe year, and please remember this is all my messed up sarcastic humour.
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1. Parties
for example, if ya ditch your freinds bday, you may lose freinds. We all know thats not good.
2. Uniforms
Sometime you just have to be yourself. You don't have to wear miley or justin shirts. If you do get made fun of, don't mind or tell. It's not tattling if someone is bullying you.
3. swag
you don't have to have swag to go to school. People who are more swaggy will most likely get lower grades. (i said most likely)
4. supplies
that is totally not true.
This is not even close to being related to minecraft.