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Never trust anyone too much on the internet.

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Havingfun_ISKEY's Avatar Havingfun_ISKEY
Level 64 : High Grandmaster Princess
1,189
Oh my goodness. It's been ages since I've uploaded a blog. I'm really sorry about that.

Just to update you guys, I've been depressed for several days now. Yesterday was just about the worst day of my life. Many of you will never know what I went through, because you'll never understand.

I'm going to be making a few changes, though. The most important one is that Five Nights at Freddy's content is permanently over. No more theories, blogs, discussions, skins, or begging the fanbase to change and respect Scott. FNAF no longer deserves my attention, and neither does Scott.

I've experienced a lot of pain over the past week, but I learned a lot of lessons in the process. I wanted to make this blog to make sure that none of you out there ever make the same mistakes I did.

I have a story to share with you. The person - my former inspiration - will not be named, simply for privacy respect even though I don't respect him at all anymore. I don't want any of you sending him angry emails in support of me. If he can't figure it out on his own without my friends pushing him that he made a terrible mistake, then he's even a worse person than I originally thought.

I also can't explain everything. Some parts of my own life I want to keep private. Not only that, but even some of the parts that I wanted to explain, I CAN'T explain as it would be TERRIBLY obvious who the "person" is.

I almost wish I could send him this, but he's "banned" me from emailing him ever again. Now, before you think I'm a bad person and I relentlessly pestered him, I'd suggest you read on before you make any assumptions. Maybe one of you guys can do it for me, but PLEASE don't say anything you'll end up regretting. This is a man who seems beautiful and perfect in personality on the outside, but inside, he's a monster I can never forgive.

For the longest time - about a year - I had this one wish more than anything. It was all I ever thought of. I legitimately thought it was in my capability to do it. The only problem was?

It required another person. Now, this was no "normal" person. No, this was a very famous and very inspirational figure that I looked up to more than anybody. I knew of his past, and I didn't pity him. Alright, fine, I DID pity him. He was one of the kindest people I have ever seen, and he nearly gave up. If he had, well, my life would be totally different. I would never have had dreams of my future, even if they're gone now, because of him.

After learning of his story, I began emailing this person with full intents to make sure he was alright. I had already sent him emails far before that, and I told him of my future plans. Keep this in mind. Unfortunately, I can never be sure that he saw those, as he never replied.

But it wasn't the last time I ever mentioned my hopes and dreams.

On July 27, 2015, I finally got a reply from this person. I was escastic. I thought he cared about me; he said it himself that he appreciated my email. I thought the world was in my palm, and my future was no longer far out of my sight. I began to dream about it more and more, and I only became more respected of this man's work and personality. In a way, I loved him. He had only responded to me once, and only created one simple internet creation. But in a way, I did.

I thought he did to me, too.

My second reply came from when a Youtuber this man personally knew revealed he probably wouldn't send any more emails to this man, as he thought the man was upset with him. I knew it wasn't true; I thought this man was too good for that. I told the man to tell him otherwise. He responded later, thanking me for letting him know. This was the first time he used my real name. 

I began making art for him, and to thank him for everything he had ever done, I sent it to him. He responded, saying the artwork was cool and thanking me for sharing it with him. He used my name a second time.

This man's personality only seemed to be getting better and better. Another Youtuber he personally knew had lost a lot of money from a PayPal troll donater. The man, though, paid him back, and the Youtuber made a video thanking the man (I need to come up with a better name...how about "CS"?). I sent it to CS, and I told him I was proud of him for doing this and finding his way after everything that happened to him. CS simply thanked me for the email, again.

By this time, I was certain CS cared a lot about me. Things were perfect. I WISH neither of us had messed it up.

A while later, things were pretty quiet between us. Another popular Youtuber then did a second livestream on CS's famous creation. The first one had crashed, and CS joked that he had the ability to shut down livestreams with his mind. The second livestream ended up crashing several times, and I told CS about this. He replied four minutes later, saying that they were coming too close to the truth.

Remember the first Youtuber I mentioned a while back, the one that didn't want to email CS anymore? Well, after this, he became depressed as heck. He even began saying things on his Twitter page that he was worthless. I was so worried, and I thought he was going to harm himself. I decided to take some action, before it was too late.

This is where things start falling apart.

All I ever did was tell CS that the Youtuber was acting strange and that I was worried he was going to commit self-harm. CS responded, saying that he wished he could be involved in everybody's lives, even though he never could. He basically called me out that I was stalking other people's Twitter profiles.

I hated myself for weeks, always whispering under my breath that I was sorry. it was a long time before I forgave myself. I told CS several times how I felt, but he neve rresponded. I was certain that he held less respect for me now.

About a month later or so, I was browsing on the wiki based on CS's famous creaton. The admin and founder of the wiki was telling people off for attacking another wiki after their wiki was somehow redirected to that wiki. I knew that CS's fanbase was hated for a long time, but soemhow CS still respected them. I both tohught it was foolish and admirable, and I told him about the whole ordeal. Surprisingly, though, CS told me that he still had repsect for his fanbase and thought they were wonderful. He said not to judge everybody based on a few bad apples, and that there were a lot of great people out there.

I thought he was one of them. I was wrong.

That was the last reply in a long time. I became increasingly worried; I was certain he was ignoring me on purpose. I wanted to be a part of his life, and his in mine. I let him know again and again about my plans for my future, but he never responded.

Not even once.

Just about a week ago, CS announced to his entire fanbase about a certain thing. And you know what? This "thing" was my dreams! And it wasn't mine. I had wanted this so badly, I told CS again and again, and he brought my dream to the real world behind my back the entire time without even telling me, just so I could let it go right away.

I couldn't even bring myself to cry; it felt like a nightmare. My greatest inspiration had betrayed me. Admist my shock, I was certain he had set out from the beginning to do this on purpose simply to hurt me. I let my friends on PMC know about my stolen dream, and you'll never know how tremendously they helped me. I was in complete panic.

After I calmed down, I sent CS an email explaining what he put me through. I was as polite as possible, but I put a note of devastation in it, and I let him know that he put me in a nightmare that I could never wake up from. I told him that I still loved him, but I could never look at him the same way again, even  if this was all an accident.

I had noticed on my homepage that there was an inbox notification. I almost never had inbox notifications, so I was SURE it was from CS. I went into complete panic mode. I was so certain CS had a nasty reply in store for me. My friends told me not to worry, and that CS would never hate me. They then egged me to open my emails.

At the same time, another one of my friends had told me not to become attached to people over the internet just for one simple thing that wasn't personal. Respect was great, but real life was always more important.

He was right.

I finally gathered up the courage to open up my emails, and to my relief it turned out CS hadn't replied.

But it wasn't over yet. It never could be. Not until I found out the person he truly was.

CS had promised his fanbase that my stolen dream would become a reality on the 22nd of December - nine days when I first found out. I was dreading every passing second, slowly inching closer to the deadline, and the end of my future altogether.

Unknowingly to me, he had already released my dream yesterday, ahead of schedule.

Not only had he hid secrets behind my back, CS literally lied about it too. I freaked out again, and I realized in that moment that CS had never did anything good for me aside from simple replies, despite everything I ever did to him to help him. He betrayed me twice.

In the evening hours of yesterday, I let him know that I was moving on from his creation. I would always repect him and his work, but I needed to move on to a place where I could finally live my dreams. I told him that it was sad to say, but his creation was slowly dying off, despite everything great that he did. I tried to tell him that I would always be around to support him, but I couldn't stay in a place with heartbreak. I tried to be as neutral as possible, no emotion whatsoever. I even thanked him for sending my replies to the last seven emails.

THIS is what he did:

Never trust anyone too much on the internet.

This is coming from the man that I trusted with my life for over a year. My one friend was right. He used to welcome my emails with open arms, but when I simply say that I'm moving on and he'll always be in my heart, he goes off and pulls this.

I NEVER expected this from him.

I showed this to my friends, and they were deeply shocked and disgusted. They trusted him, and of course for a while they trusted him more than i did. I just had a nagging feeling he would do this...I don't know how I did. I can promise I said NOTHING offensive. NOTHING. Admittedly, some of it was very personal, and maybe constructive criticism, but I have always done that in the past and he listened to me.

In case any of you are wondering, I sent him one last final email. I don't know if he responded or not, but I really don't care anymore. He can go off and do whatever he wants. In a nutshell, I told him he was never going to keep a loyal fanbase with an attitude like THAT, and that if he acts like that to other people, nobody will want to email him anymore. I'm going to stay more mature than he was.

Maybe some of you will put the pieces together on your own. If you can, PLEASE don't harass CS with hatred wanting to justify me. I don't want that. What I want is for him to be left alone and come to the realization that what he said was not cool.

But what's my lesson to you?

Never become so attached to somebody on the internet that you lose all ties to the real world, and all you care about is them. You may be friends, of course, but you don't know who's on the other side of the screen. Humans are a very interesting species. They can change in a split second and say things that hurt other people, and they can't take it back.

But sometimes, they truly mean it.

Now, before I leave here, I'm going to add in some good parts of the experience so that this blog isn't qualified as a "rant". And it's true, some good things did come out of this.

As I mentioned several times before, I finally learned an important lesson. I never knew CS in real life. I thought I knew him, but I didn't. He was simply a man hiding behind the screen of his computer with a happy-go-lucky identity on the internet. He wasn't at all who I thought he was, and when I found out the truth, it hurt.

Knowing who he really was, it set me free. Maybe this was destined to happen, to make me realize that CS and his creation isn't worth my time. I need to find a real person, and a real community. I no longer have to worry about disappointing him or letting him down, as it already happened.

This entire experience bonded me with my friends. They understood everything. They always did. Heck, they're worth a billion more dollars to me than CS ever was. We've learned so much from each other. Each and every one of them are irreplacable.

I can finally move on and find some new interests. I'm no longer stuck in the endless web of my dreams; there are so many other opportunities out there just waiting for me to find them. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

This isn't the level 30 special I had planned, and that's still coming, even though I'm halfway to level 31 already. But now that I've become closer to my friends than ever through this whole experience, it's the perfect opportunity to give them what they truly deserve.

If you're still wondering about me and my health, well...to be honest, it's like a had a giant slash across my chest, but the wound immediately healed within an hour, and a shield was placed across my heart. I'm a bit different now. I can't quite be as trusting as I used to be. I don't want this to happen again.

And I don't want this to happen to any of you guys, either.
CreditMy friends and CS
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Myra_
12/12/2016 12:55 am
Level 64 : High Grandmaster Sweetheart
Myra_'s Avatar
I know this happened a long time ago, and you probably don't care about it as much as you did, but I was browsing your blogs today and I have some thoughts to share.

"CS" (I won't use his real name, although I know perfectly well who it is) handled the whole situation pretty badly, but you have to remember that, as a famous indie developer whose email is public, he probably had a lot of people in your same situation angling for confirmation of their dreams. From what I've heard about him, CS is a pretty emotionally shaky guy; there was a lot of pressure on him, from a lot of people. Anyone can say things they regret when they're feeling really depressed or really stressed. And, if I were you, I wouldn't take it too personally. There were a lot of people CS probably didn't tell; I'm sure he didn't mean it as an insult.
You're quite right about getting too attached to someone over the internet. It's all too easy to lose sight of your real priorities in life, and getting a slap in the face like this after investing so much of your life in this friendship must've really hurt.
1
pinkexplosion
03/21/2016 9:44 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
pinkexplosion's Avatar
Is there a TL;dr ???
1
Havingfun_ISKEY
03/21/2016 9:48 pm
Level 64 : High Grandmaster Princess
Havingfun_ISKEY's Avatar
No.
1
pinkexplosion
03/21/2016 9:56 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
pinkexplosion's Avatar
oh ok thx
1
FazbearStudioz
02/20/2016 11:32 am
Level 38 : Artisan Soldier
FazbearStudioz's Avatar
I don't really have a system where I choose to decode if someone is a friend, (i.e, someone really nice) neutral, or a bully. I just do one thing at school "Trust no one."  It makes me feel really pissed off that the man (Scott?) would do something like this to you.
1
bluefishh
01/23/2016 11:12 am
Level 1 : New Explorer
bluefishh's Avatar
I feel so bad for you 3:
This man doesn't deserve to live. No one is meant to be
treated this way. This man can go die in a pit.
1
Havingfun_ISKEY
01/23/2016 11:34 am
Level 64 : High Grandmaster Princess
Havingfun_ISKEY's Avatar
Hey, hey, hey, calm down. Not even he deserves to die. Would that really make me any better than he is?

But thanks anyway for your support. <3
2
Friendly123
01/14/2016 7:30 pm
Level 42 : Master Architect
Friendly123's Avatar
So true, I like never trust anyone anymore
2
Havingfun_ISKEY
01/21/2016 7:34 am
Level 64 : High Grandmaster Princess
Havingfun_ISKEY's Avatar
GG
2
PandiMB
01/02/2016 5:54 am
Level 1 : New Miner
PandiMB's Avatar
Wow. I can't believe that happened. What this person did to you is not okay! I just wanna say I like your skins and stuff, so hopefully that makes you happy! Bai :D
2
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