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Revolve [Contest Entry]

Contest Finalist!
This Blog is in the LEGO Minecraft Cave Hanger Contest which is now Complete!
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avatar Sam
Retired Moderator
Level 56 : Grandmaster Senpai
272
Raw Text Version (for checking my word count)

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Raw Text Version (for checking my word count)
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Comments : 18

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1 - 18 of 18

  • blackgoomba44
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Dragonborn
  • January 17, 2016, 10:27 am
Steve died...
  • GrayRemnant
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 23, 2015, 1:58 pm
Very nice!  You've got a very expansive vocabulary, and it suits this story very well.  ;)
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 23, 2015, 2:50 pm
Thanks dude!!
  • Punkamoar
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 50
  • Grandmaster Gent
  • September 8, 2015, 6:24 pm
Very nice, but I wasn't a huge fan of the descriptive language (the words kinda bogged it down). Also, a few commas would've went a long way.
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 8, 2015, 6:38 pm
(Directed at the comma comment:) Where specifically? Don't want to comma splice it up...
  • Punkamoar
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 50
  • Grandmaster Gent
  • September 8, 2015, 6:58 pm
This is the spot where I noticed it most:

"Suddenly Steve felt a haphazard surge of pain in his back and in an instant darkness encompassed him."

I'd change it to:

"Suddenly, Steve felt a haphazard surge of pain in his back, and in an instant darkness encompassed him."
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 8, 2015, 7:47 pm
Fair :) I'll keep it in mind dude!!
  • Akki Shu
  • Level 1
  • New Network
  • September 8, 2015, 4:53 pm
OMG
wow
Good Luck, Mine is terrible...
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 8, 2015, 6:40 pm
Thanks dude! I'm sure yours is awesome!! I'll give it a read
  • Akki Shu
  • Level 1
  • New Network
  • September 9, 2015, 2:47 pm
Mine wont be done for a while ;p
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 7, 2015, 7:08 pm
Hey Sam!

Wow dude this was beautiful, I thought that my entry was eloquent, but you have used some fantastic vocabulary here. (Hypnagogic was a personal favourite.)

Wasn't sure whether or not the images would count, as I had a similar idea to lay out the text like this, but decided not to risk it just in case, might now reconsider.

Seriously though well done! I'll be genuinly surprised if you don't do well with this!


-Buzzers


P.S. If you could check my entry out i'd be grateful to have some feedback, as this was my first blog and you definitely seem to know what you're doing. (Sorry if this is spammy, I bet you get requests a lot xD)
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 7, 2015, 9:27 pm
Thanks for the awesome response dude!


I'll check your blog out and give it a read :D
  • Art Dei Tech
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Grump
  • September 7, 2015, 5:32 am
Huh. Some drug-induced version of respawning. Pretty neat xP
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 7, 2015, 6:39 am
That spider venom can elicit some crazy trips dude ;)
  • PureNerd
  • Level 59
  • Grandmaster Batman
  • September 6, 2015, 1:34 pm
Whelp, thanks for making winning impossible for the rest of us.
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 6, 2015, 1:42 pm
HAH! If only dude.. I think I'll get 50th place at best. 


Thanks for the comment though :)
  • PureNerd
  • Level 59
  • Grandmaster Batman
  • September 6, 2015, 1:47 pm
10$ You'll get top 10 if not top 3
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 6, 2015, 1:49 pm
I think it's safe to say your money will stay safe inside of your wallet :) 


Regardless, you're very kind and I appreciate the positivity!

1 - 18 of 18

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