Wish you included a plain text copy ._.

Not bad overall; your flow is nice, and the writing is smooth. The biggest issue I have is that you're repeating yourself a lot to stretch out the length of the story; "it started on a rainy day", with "on a rainy day" two paragraphs later. I noticed similar stumbles occurring throughout the story, but it's nothing too bad. The best fix for those is to set up your timeline better; continue on the rainy day segment instead of starting it, going into a little backstory, and then coming back. I think I understand what you're trying to do, with flashbacks and all, but it's not working well.

What you generally want to do with flashbacks is start and stop them with a slight progression from start to stop in the present. Ergo, "it was a rainy day.... *flashback* the rain grew heavier". Very blunt example, but you should get what I'm saying. Starting and stopping at the same present point in time is very jarring for the reader. Good story overall, though, I like the Brine tribal concept.

Nice plot =D