BeetleHunting

Hey, it's been a while huh? I wanted to hop on this account to give an explenation for my absence, and also talk about the new account i will be posting on.

Scroll to the bottom for the @ to the new account if you can't handle the following topics

TW: Mental health struggles, Dissociation, Identity crisis

So firstly my mental health; I've been struggling mentally for a long time, but it had gotten way worse a while ago. I don't remember much because at some point I started dissociating.

(dissocating is basically a stress response, where you detach from reality. Think about it like going on autopilot on a test. Like, there's a test you're super stressed about that you're going to do, but when you walk out you don't really remember what had happend, it's like your memory about it is all foggy.)

I apoligize that I can't go in depth of everything especially what had caused it but I do kinda remember the feeling, when I stopped being active here. I felt helpless, I didn't know what to post because I felt like I posted for the happiness of others and not myself.

I didn't even know if i knew myself, which is one of the major factors of why I made a new account. But the reason i'm not going to keep posting on this account is basically, I want to try to avoid reminders of how i felt then. JUST TO BE CLEAR, you're allowed to bring up memories you had with this account! It's just being logged into the account feels a bit uncomfortable for me I'm sorry.

Speaking of sorry, I'm sorry for seemingly abandoning you all. I isolate myself when I feel alot of stress, people I know in real life are included. I'm not trying to make myself seem pitiful saying all this, I'm trying to explain not excuse leaving you all hanging.

I'm sorry that I stopped responding, you're allowed to be upset at me, you're allowed to be angry. I want to work all this out, I want to talk with you guys again. I'm still not in the clear when it comes to my negative emotions but, even though life is painful for the most part, I want to live till the end if that means I can be with my friends longer.

See you guys at BeetleHunting ,I'll be re-decorating my new account's profile so feel free to stop by and talk to me.