Themangalorian

I looked through your rant and summarized it into a set of questions, then gave a response to each one. If you ever have anything else to ask about Christianity or what I said here, I’m willing to respond.

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“So, you like me as a person and you're my friend, cool, but you think I'm sinning by living my life the way I do. Hmm.”

It’s not a matter of “sin”. When you stand before the God of all that is good who exists outside of evil, you either have sin or you don’t, and there isn’t anyone who doesn’t. Christians should want everyone to do the right thing, but that’s not what we really want. It’s about your meaning of life. Are you trying to carve out life with your own ability, or do you trust the Gospel as the path to true life?
Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭12‬ “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers over this present darkness and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
To be friends with people who believe differently without letting it change your own is something that anyone, religious or not, should try to practice. The Bible shows us that it’s possible.

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“And you worship an invisible force who is definitely a guy and not a woman because that would be unimaginable”

We refer to him as “he” because the Bible uses it to paint a specific picture of him based on human knowledge. God is not does not have a gender because he is not confined by nature. Plus, a type of entity can’t have more genders than beings. It makes it silly to argue about God’s gender. He’s not male, female, or even bisexual. It’s that he exists beyond nature.

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“but he's actually 3 guys who are really just 1 guy.”

As sophisticated as humans are in their design, God’s design makes us look as complex as a fungus. Could a being that can’t hear or speak be able to comprehend how talking makes any sense?

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“and you love him, he makes you happy, he's everything good,”

Yeah… when we remember to rely on him. We still live with sin inside us in this life. And even than, God doesn’t promise that this broken world will suddenly become perfect once we accept Him.
John‬ ‭15‬:‭19‬ “If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, because I chose you out of the world, the world hates you.”
None of that will change until we reach Heaven.

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“but you also truly believe that he will torture me for eternity if I don't repent and start worshipping him. And instead of realizing how [​messed] up that is, you ignore it,”

That’s not how it works. If I let wrongdoing into my life in front of a God who’s the source of good, I have to go because God wouldn’t be God if He was exposed to evil. The salvation is that He provided a way for you to be freed from the penalty and able to go back to him. Sin is still justly punished, but now you have a shot at life if you decide to live in it. But if your parents own a well-lit house, ask for you to come in, and you don’t, that doesn’t make the darkness their punishment for you not coming in.

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“because one of the requirements of being Christian is that you don't ever question god in any real way.”

Who told you that? You are indeed allowed to question the requirements and how God works. We do it all the time. We have the Bible, we have the Holy Spirit, we have each other. There’s a lot of ways to test your own knowledge about Christianity. The only reason you wrote this post is because God let humans have the ability to ask questions.

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“the whole "no tears or sadness in heaven" adds another layer to it too! I don't ever want to only feel bliss. There are things I never want to forget that make me myself.
What do you mean I won't have empathy any more??”

Our time on Earth comes from the choice humanity made to try and figure out our purpose, identity, and function without God’s help. If you accept God’s invitation to join him in Heaven and let Him give you all the answers, you don’t lose your ability to think, it’s just that everything becomes all the more clear. You’ll still have apathy in Heaven. It will just be used to its original potential. Plus, God still allows us to experience finding our Earthly identity, you’re on Earth right now.

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“I've been through so much for the past decade now and despite it all I'm a kind person.
I've had OCD since I was really little and it took me so long to realize that nobody cared when I was a 7yo with religious OCD because being "extra religious" is a virtue.”

Whoever told you that “being extra religious is a virtue” lost the plot of Christianity. OCD is a disorder, through and through. Having it directed at Christianity doesn’t change how unhealthy the disorder can be. The Bible is filled with people who live as extra religious people, and still end up as spiritual failures.

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“Your own suffering is seen as noble, and if I hadn't left the church by coincidence I might still be like that, and nobody would care, because suffering is noble. the church is especially fundamentally abusive to neurodivergent kids; you can't be different, you need to be docile and unquestioning and afraid of being different”

Either that church has a misunderstanding of how God works, or you have a misunderstanding of how they told you God works. From here, I can’t tell. Either way, none of that is true to say about Christianity. Suffering is seen as noble, but only depending on the reason. It’s possible for someone to suffer because he’s a coward, because he’s dishonest with God, or just because of the state of the world.