This was meant to be my entry for the "Barbarians" contest, except I apparently forgot to click the enter-in-contest button when I submitted it. It is 100% comlpete, except for the fact that I never did get the TNT canons to work. You feel free to try, though, and let me know if you do.
How to Keep Out Barbarians in Three Easy Steps
By Steve
Barbarian hordes are tough, obviously, but they are beatable. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how I proved it.
1. Build a wall.
Any kind of wall will do, so long as it's tall, strong, and surrounds the entirety of what you want to protect. Our wall is made of stone and supported by enormous tree trunks (don't ask where we got 'em).
2. Set up basic commodities.
Make sure the people living within the wall have everything they need to survive a siege. This includes things like edible plants.
3. Call in the big guns
Install the biggest, baddest war machines you can get your hands on. In our case, this includes some big, floating tanks and a larger number of little tanks. Be sure that there are competent people around to operate them (must be nice).