Arty Greenier

Arty Greenier was the spokesman for the Civil Defense for a good part of the Cold War, warning against the threats of atomic warfare. At every commercial break, on the radio, on television, and on movie screens, you could hear him say one of his iconic catch phrases; "This is Arty Greenier saying, Keep your head down, America!", "Don't go towards the light, America!", or in the seventies, "Flash of light? Get outa sight!". Everyone knew his name, and everyone smiled a little at the sight of him.

With the dissolusion of the USSR, though, he was dumped like a sack of rotting garbage, and as it turns out, giving nuclear safety tips was more or less all he was qualified to do. He was out of a job, out on the street, and before too long, out of his mind. Sadly, all that was left for him to do was to become that nut on the street corner with a sign saying, "Saftey tips for food". The problem with his strategy was that he compulsively gave the tips away without getting food first, but its not as if it would have mattered. Who needs his crazy, useless advice anyway? Everyone, as it turned out.

The bombs fell, and the only one who knew what to do was- guess who. He kept his head down! He stayed away from the light! He got WAAAY outa sight. And he survived with just a mild sunburn. "Who's crazy now!" he said. Him, still, but at least he was alive. But... what does he do now? The bombs have been dropped. No need for his advice now; that is, unless they drop again! You never know, I suppose. Now all he needs is someone to tell...