Captain Evil (contest)

There was once... a man. Well, not yet, but we'll get to that part in a paragraph or two. All anyone knows about his TRUE origins can be traced back to a desolate field in a little town called Middle-of-Nowhere. A romantic couple was walking in the moonlight, trying and failing to ignore the rank odor that came with so many grazing cows and focus on each other. But then! They happened upon... an old man. But right next to him was a baby in a cute little other-worldly rocket ship/baby carriage! Seeing as the old man was passed out in a drunken stupor, and taking into account that the baby was probably not the old man's, and that the old man would probably flip out when he woke up because the ship crashed into his booze stash, the couple shared a glance, then snatched up the baby and fled into the night.

They named him Victor Eevileman, not for any reason other than because it sounded really awesome. But then a coincidence occurred, as they are wont to do. Victor developed powers... of EVIIIIIIIL!!! All was well for a time. Vic could fly, incinerate things with his eyeballs, and bring his dead goldfish back to life as a zombie, which all the other kids agreed was, "really cool". But then a tragedy occurred, as they are wont to do. He was in the kitchen with his adoptive mother, and he asked for some peanut-butter cookies. She said, "No, you're allergic, and you'd swell up like a balloon and pop, maybe. But even worse, you'd spoil your dinner," Bursting into a whiny rage, Vic accidentally incinerated his mother. But Vic's father walked in, and, panicking, he incinerated him too. Then the mailman walked in, and, fearing more witnesses, Victor incinerated him. But then! Victor's schoolteacher walked in, but Vic just commanded his undead goldfish to distract her and ran away.

In the following years, Victor would reflect on what he'd done. He realized that if he continued down this road, he'd end upo ¦ evil. "I will master these great powers, and use them for good!" he exclaimed to the drunk old man from the first paragraph. No response was given.

So the boy, now a man who used to be a boy but grew into a man, became the man who becameo ¦ Captain Evil! Protector of truth, justice, and general all-around goodness!