The Emotional Turmoil of Gender Dysphoria (Emotions Contest)(my story)(74th place!!) Minecraft Skin

FINALIST IN A FINALISTS JAM
This Skin is an entry in the completed Emotions Skin Contest.

Minecraft Skins

The Emotional Turmoil of Gender Dysphoria (Emotions Contest)(my story)(74th place!!)

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HannahLikesCats's Avatar HannahLikesCats
Level 44 : Master Robot
501
*daft punk voice* EMOTIOOOOOOON~

Hello everyone who reads this, the name is Hannah, or Jupiter, and today I'm going to tell you about my journey of Gender Dysphoria and my emotions because of this.

CAUTION! MY STORY MENTIONS SOME THINGS THAT MIGHT TRIGGER YOU. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY DEPRESSION AND THINGS THAT COME WITH IT, PLEASE DO NOT READ IT.

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The first 'emotion' (if you want to count it as an emotion) I encountered on my journey was confusion. At first, I felt like a girl, but I wasn't interested in girly things. I was interested in mud, trucks, wrestling, tattoos, boy things. By the time I hit 6th grade (and puberty) I was so confused. Was I meant to be born a boy?  Why was I born a girl? Why am I not like the other girls? Why do I easily become friends with guys, but extremely struggle with making friends that are girls?

This confusion led to the next emotion, sadness. I cried at my reflection every time I looked in the mirror. I cried every night before I fell asleep. Why was this happening to me? Why am I so confused on whether I'm a boy or a girl?

This sadness then lead to the next emotion, depression. I felt like I was a failure at life, like I wasn't meant to be born at all because I felt like I was born in the wrong gender. I felt like I had chains hanging off of me like Jacob Marley with every move I took. At this point in life, I have written various tear-stained suicide notes, stating how I felt like I was meant to be a boy and not a girl. I kept a knife under my bed, that sat there and glistened under my rooms light, waiting for me to pick it up and ultimately end it.

I expressed this feeling of depression and confusion to one of my few friends that are female. Her mom was a therapist, and worked at a place filled with many therapists, ranging from people who specalized in helping kids with their parents divorcing, to therapists who helped people like me. I started to feel a little better after that, knowing I had someone who cared.

I then went into deep research. It turns out what I had is called 'gender dysphoria' or 'gender identity disorder'. According to Google "gender identity disorder is a conflict between a person's physical gender and the gender he or she identifies as. For example, a person identified as a boy may actually feel and act like a girl. The person is very uncomfortable with the gender they were born". I was relieved knowing I wasn't the only person in the world that had this issue, since it is a medical condition.

After a while, I expressed this feeling of dysphoria to my parents. They weren't happy about it, being the Christian conservatives they were, but at least they let me visit the therapist.

At the therapist, she then officially diagnosed me with gender identity disorder. I could not express to her how happy I felt, knowing that feeling like a boy when you're a girl is totally okay. I sat there and cried tears of joy for at least 5 minutes. After a few visits to her, I started feeling less depressed. I had more female friends, and I felt like I wasn't chained down anymore.

Now, I am currently on hormones and I'm not scheduled for a surgery in a LONG time, but at least I know I'm happier.

Gender Dysphoria is seriously an emotional rollercoaster, it's not even funny.

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Originally I was going to do myself, but then I decided I needed another Steam Powered Giraffe themed skin. :P The skin is inspired by the beautiful Miss Isabella Bunny Bennett (formerly Christopher Bennett), a fellow transgendered person and the person behind the automaton 'Rabbit' from SPG. The skin is wearing the two different outfits of Rabbit.

If you like the skin, please diamond and favorite to help my chances in the finals! <3

And if this doesn't fit the theme, I'm really sorry! I just wanted to do something I know someone else wouldn't do.

Christopher Bennett (male) Outfit Reference
Isabella Bunny Bennett (female) Outfit Reference (minus the leather jacket and bolt hairpiece)
GenderInterchangeable
FormatJava
ModelSteve
Tags

3 Update Logs

Update #3 : by HannahLikesCats 06/02/2015 11:53:49 pmJun 2nd, 2015

Redid the shading style.
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1
09/13/2014 10:10 am
Level 80 : Elite Skinner
Oblivion
Oblivion's Avatar
Grats on 74th place, Hannah. <3 Personally I think your idea was far more original than some skins that placed higher, but at least you still got finals and still placed well. cx
1
09/13/2014 11:38 am
Level 44 : Master Robot
HannahLikesCats
HannahLikesCats's Avatar
Thank you. <3 I think my main "downfall" was the technique and execution bit, but that's just how I shade. xP
1
09/09/2014 3:15 am
Level 26 : Expert Goblin
yellowfishbelly
yellowfishbelly's Avatar
OMGOSH I LOVE THIS SKIN!!!!
1
08/29/2014 6:41 am
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
CresseliaX
CresseliaX's Avatar
Tear up a lil bit~ good luck in the contest <333
1
08/27/2014 10:27 pm
Level 65 : High Grandmaster Sweetheart
Jupiiterr
Jupiiterr's Avatar
I love you.. <3 you've been though alot and i love your story it made me cry.. I hope you do well in this contest Like if you dont i might punch a judge <3!!!
1
08/28/2014 4:47 pm
Level 44 : Master Robot
HannahLikesCats
HannahLikesCats's Avatar
<3333 Thanks!
There's no need to get physical tho. CX
1
08/28/2014 6:11 pm
Level 65 : High Grandmaster Sweetheart
Jupiiterr
Jupiiterr's Avatar
Shhh just let it happen <3!
1
08/27/2014 1:09 am
Level 1 : New Miner
ThatOneNerdBox
ThatOneNerdBox's Avatar
This is lovely. Thanks for sharing! I'm not confused with my gender, But I feel pretty alone. See, I'm a big tomboy. But most girls my age (I'm 11) are very girly, and like One Direction and whatnot. I like video games, Machines and space. I don't really have any friends because nobody is like me. It kinda sucks, So I sort of know that feel.
1
08/28/2014 4:46 pm
Level 44 : Master Robot
HannahLikesCats
HannahLikesCats's Avatar
Thanks, and no problem! c:
1
08/26/2014 4:59 pm
Level 20 : Expert Skinner
conure
conure's Avatar
;-; great skin and story! Amazing gurl! Diamond!
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