Published Jun 18th, 2013, 6/18/13 9:36 pm
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[A (terrible) Guide to Minecraft]
Looking to join the bandwagon of people who play Minecraft? You've come to the right place! I'm here to show you exactly what to do to become Minecraft's #1 Super-Star player! Just follow these simple steps:
Step 1: Pirate Minecraft; you don't have to pay!
This step is really important, giving money to the people who worked years of their lives towards a project which is being sold at a fairly reasonable price is... ridiculous! A pirate's life for me!
Step 2: Choose a name with lots of Xs, like xXToXxXmandXxXgreXxXenXx!
Don't you want people to respect you and recognize you for your unique in-game name? Of course not, are you kidding me?!?
Step 3: Join a server without knowing how to play, and ask for help in a whiny tone.
People like to help those who whine and act selfishly. Also, people on public servers are known for their great advice!
Step 4: Don't listen to the helpful ones, and break a lot of blocks/rules/builds!
Help is for looser; break things, and you shall go far! Every moderator started by breaking people's builds.
Step 5: Make a hut out of the best material in Minecraft: dirt!
It looks nice, there's tons of it, and nobody has ever thought to make a dirt house before! Your house is stylish man.
Step 6: Beg for materials, laziness = success
Sit down, drink a cup of lemonade, and spam chat with requests for some iron. Without doing any work at all, you will now have a full suit of diamond and anything else you could need. The lazy way is the best way! Isn't that so much more fun?
Step 6: Play with the creepers, they love you
Killing creepers is so overrated, just hug them! Your house may blow up, so what? Now you have an excuse to spam chat about how much you hate Minecraft and why you think Jeb/Notch/Dinnerbone is a complete idiot.
Step 7: If you fail, get back up... and rage quit!
Survival Minecraft isn't for you, is it? Why would anyone play that kind of thing? You need a more manly game mode: try some creative! Now you can blow up cows and place gold blocks until the cows come home, and then you can blow them up again! You will be the next Picasso, if Picasso placed colored blocks in a video game.
Step 8: If its broken, complain!
You've played Minecraft for a total of one day now, and so you must be the expert on what do and does not belong in the game. Where are the planes you may ask, or the guns, or the giant boats? This is where you must make a difference: post your list of genius suggestions on a Minecraft forum, and prepare for the whole world to marvel at your ingenious.
In case you couldn't tell, this is a joke, I'm pretty must saying what not to do.
If you enjoyed this blog, or just want to do some fun clicking, maybe hit up that diamond? Of course, if you still want more click action, you could try the favorite button. That always leaves you satisfied! What? You need more clicking??? Fine, fine, go for the subscribe button! Be careful though, after that, the clicking party has to end. That is, unless you want to flag me.... Don't even think about doing it!
Until next time, -Tomandgreen
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2. Nobody could mistake this as real...
3. Thank you!