Funny Jokes

Hey guys, Kaid here and ima post 20 or so funny jokes & phrases below. At the bottom of this post will be a link to my other post [Yo mama jokes] and i would very much appreciate it if you guys can give a diamond, a comment and whatever else gives me levels so here they are.

1. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Doctor: Wait a minute please

2. Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
She missed the earth.

3. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

4. Policeman: How can you drive so recklessly?
Driver: I have to, this is a getaway car.

5. This birthday cake certainly is crunchy.
"Maybe you should spit out the plate!"

6. If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
Because it wasn't raining.

7. Zoo Keeper: "Ive lost one of my elephants"
Other Zoo Keeper: "Why don't you put a Advert in the paper?"
Zoo Keeper: "Don't be silly, he can't read!"

8. I hear the only place your ever invited is outside.

9. I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.

10. How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana?
Try picking it up. If you can't, its either a monster or a giant banana.

11. Question: What do you call an egg who done a lot of things?
Answer: An egg who has a lot of EGGsperience.

12. Customer: How do i print my voice mail? [Yes that's the end of the joke your meant to laugh at the stupidity]

13. Do you know the difference between genius and stupid? "Genius has its limits."

14. Sugar is sugar, Salt is salt, God made you dumb, Not my fault!

15. Yo mamma's so poor when i saw her kicking a can down the street i asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

16. Why do farts stink?
So deaf people can enjoy them too.

17. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word "hunting" infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes Killing.

18. A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off.
"Shall i run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly.
"You must think im stupid," said the officer.
"You stand here and I'll get it."

19. Yo Mamma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

20. God wanted 10 days to build the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

21. Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all of the grass.

22. My dig is a nuisance.
He chases everyone on a bicycle.
What can i do?
Take his bike away.

23. What did the blode think of her new computer?
She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

24. What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.

25. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris.........After 5 days of severe pain......The cobra died. XD

Check out my other jokes below. Also PLEASE do anything in order to me leveling up. :)

www.planetminecraft.com/blog/yo-mamma-jokes/