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She loved the rain.

She loved the way everything turned blue.

She loved the way it defined her.

She loved the way it hit the ground.

She loved how it changed people.

She loved the way it rejected her.

She loved the way it described her.

Just like the rain, she didn't last long.

One drop didn't make an impression.

She was like millions of drops.

Even thought it killed her, she still loved it.

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She's walking faster with each step.

Everything is falling away as soon as she touches it.

The noise in her head is getting louder.

Her heart is falling apart.

She can't see her future, yet she's still running towards you.

Aren't you going to accept her as her world is crumbling?

She's leaping.

Aren't you going to pull her up?

She's falling.

Aren't you going to catch her?

She's crying.

Why don't you comfort her?

...Why aren't you doing anything?

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She looked so beautiful when she was in love with him.

He was what kept her going.

He was what kept her sane.

She thinks he cares for her too.

He doesn't.

Suddenly, he's going far, far away.

The rejection is hitting her.

it hurts so much

The words are leaving her mind.

why must it hurt so much

The emptiness is crawling towards her.

it's crippling me

The distance is getting bigger.

why is god doing this to me

It's all

fading

away

from

me

...

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I came and listened to your stories everyday.

I love the waterfall.

The stories seem so beautiful.

The sakura seems so pretty this season.

...It's changing.

You look so beautiful.

The words that come out of your mouth, smart or dumb, are so pretty.

The sakura seems even brighter.

...I think I love you.

...I tell you.

I see the caution in your eyes.

It scares me.

We start talking less.

I'm scared! Keep on talking!

...Why wouldn't you start talking?

I leave.

Fall comes.

I marry.

Winter falls.

I have my firstborn.

Spring crys.

You come down from that rusty mountain of yours.

I see the regret in your eyes.

My fear is escalating.

My hope is getting larger.

I'm so scared.

You offer your hand to me.

...Is it too late, I wonder?

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Your smile is beautiful.

I want to keep that smile.

I engrave into my mind.

...

I'm gone.

Then I wake up.

It's been years.

Your not mine anymore.

Your hers.

I'm empty.

I'm not me.

You're not you.

I'm still the girl before the coma.

I'M STILL HER!

SO WHY ARE YOU HERS?!

My anger is tearing me apart.

My depression feels like a cage.

I'm torn.

I'm in the past but also in the present.

...Why don't I become apart of the past?

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You say your leaving,

so why don't you take me with you?

You promised didn't you?

My anger is flaring.

Im exhausted.

tired of lies,

petty excuses,

and fake promises.

It hurts,

all the things you do,

the way you dump it all on me,

and how your now leaving me.

You owe me,

you know?

You can't just leave.

You can't just leave me behind, okay..?

...

James?

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My fiancée, my beautiful fiancée.

I love that word.

Fiancée.

So,

why was she with you?

Why did you try to marry me?

Right when you said,

"till death undo us"

it was fake.

She was there,

the girl your REALLY in love with.

Don't look at me with that sweet look.

I run off,

then I meet

you.

You,

who has the string tied across your finger.

When I look down,

I see it tied across mine too.

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When you pushed me away

that day

My heart,

my damp beautiful heart,

turned into a fiery underworld.

My eyes were pure,

innocent,

pretty,

and kind.

Now their,

hateful,

ugly,

and hurt.

When your little girl

comes around

with her lover

and drops her lovely tears

into my heart

a spring grows

it's not exactly yours

it's not his either

but it's beautiful anyway.

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I'm walking

along the road

to you

I faintly hear

my teachers,

my friends,

and my lover

calling out my name.

I feel like I'm sinking.

Mother,

Father,

why did you die?

I'm running over

to you

with my black dress

and my grey umbrella

my eyes are rotting

the skies are crying

and your dancing

It's all fading,

you,

me,

and him.

I hear the

urgenacy in their voices

when they call me

they're trying to drag me out of my ocean

and into the light

No!

I want to stay here with them.

my precious parents...

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I used to think

death wasn't scary

i just thought when you die

you die

there isn't anything after

just pure nothingness

now, older

i think

oh, we turn into ghosts

or

we turn into different people

while deep inside

i wonder

if death means

nothingness

and

emptiness
...

i'd guess I would never know,

not even when I perish myself

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i watch

and watch

but never do anything

first you had so much life

then slowly you started to drain

till you crumble

and turn into a mindless puppet

yet I still watch

and watch

and watch

as it happens all over again with the next one

then the next one

and the next one

then I kill you all

then we start over with this never ending cycle.

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I wonder

why we live

god watches us suffer

never answers our prayers

we wonder if he's really there

we create so many things

stories,

civilization,

and many "beautiful things"

many stories crowd the walls

crowd my mind

and this is just one of them

god has so many stories crowding him

i wonder what he thinks

does he pick one up

read it

then toss it away and continue on?

or does he sit in a room

with many books

too afraid to open even one?

or is he too godly for me to even describe?

i wonder why I'm here

trying to tell you this

when i don't the answer

to so many questions

like this one

...

"is god even here?"

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I'm like any other human

i honestly don't care if you say your not like me

i don't care if you disagree

i will feel a bit hurt even though I said all that before

but didn't we all want to love

and have someone to love us

sometime in our life?

thinking,

i want to find the right person

yet i think that too

but then I think I'm too scared

too scared to end up in pain like my parents

too scared to even up divorcing with a child

too scared to even remarry

...too scared to even love in the first place

yet i don't want to be alone

humans are so pitiful, aren't they?

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Tick

tock

the mouse ran up the clock

tick

tock

it rings once

twice

thrice

The mouse scurries down the clock

tick

tock

the mouse screams

tick

tock

...

tick tick tick

tock tock tock

she wonders how the mouse died

tick

tock

there goes the clock

once

twice

thrice

she walks away

tick

tock

she screams too

tick

tock

an old man sceams in horror

tick

tock

no one notices the poor mouse

tick tick tick

tock tock tock

say bye-bye to the old man too

his fault for not noticing the mouse.

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He's cold,

rude,

and annoying.

at least, that's how he seems.

at the same time,

he's kind,

beautiful,

and helpful.

his past is full of mistakes,

lies,

and worries.

his future is full of friends,

you,

and a warm family.

his mask is only something

you can control.

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being so stubborn

has left me

in crumbles

and despair

im alone

and it might be like that

forever

but

that might change

if I run away

so let me hang on

as you swim away

your

everything

to

me.

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Your screaming is overtaking me

your cries are hurting me

im so scared

that you'll hate me

please know

im doing this to protect you

i can't change the past

im just trying to save you

please,

believe me.

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i dont want to know

dont wanna know

never will know

"babe"

you say you love me

tell me that when we're alone

tell me all your pretty lies

look me in the face

tell me truth

you've been out all night

making no sense

your petty lies once entrapped me

but now,

i don't wanna even know

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im not good at showing emotions

on my face

i love you

and I'll do anything for you

so please don't doubt me

i promise

even if you don't love me the same way

i won't let you die

please,

look me in the eyes

and tell me that you trust me

ill be so happy.

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I'm jealous

you have everything

that happy look

the friends

the lover

you broke me

i never want you to look so happy again

only after I come after you

and you die

i realize

you were never completely happy, were you?

you suffered just as much as I did

...why was I so stupid?

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the shadows are falling

the sun is dying

your mind is corrupted

twisting slowly in the light

wars raging

hungry for the fight

stop the corruption

kill the might

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it's pouring

my love

for you

is over-heating

yet my hate

is like a irreplaceable exist

in my heart

they co-exist

within me

and will never leave me

until the day i die.

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my innocence

so pure

so pretty

you must of thought,

yes?

torturing that cuteness out of me

is your objection

you tear me apart

leaving me horrified

and ripped like a

paper doll

but

you forgot to take a few things

my will

my love

and my hope.

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scars, scars, scars

you say

why don't you look at me

and take a damn look

on the inside?

i'm much more than scars

i'm not nothing

and i never will be

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smoking gun

everything is gone

dead

destroyed

thanks to you

all the love is gone

baby, you no longer have me

or anyone

for that matter

and

i hope you know

me and my precious little girl

were so much better

than you will EVER be

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sorry for the smile i have now

but that's all thanks to you

you'll never know the pain you've caused me

because your dead now

just some more regrets

no one can't change me now

i'm walking down a path of self destruction

am i still not good enough for you?

guess i will never be

until the day i die

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looking away

you embarrass me

whenever asks

i lie

saying your quite alright

when in reality

your a broken mirror

reflecting me

and me for eternity

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screams ring off the walls

wonder if anyone else feels like this

feels like a fragile little baby girl

too scared to fight

five years later

she's still too scared for anything

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daddy used to weigh more ten years ago

mommy and daddy's relationship was great

at least, in the eyes of a very small child

ten years later

the small child is now older

and broken

his despair hidden by his smile

the gold ring that used to shine on his daddy's love finger

is now gone

probably shoved in it's case

thrown away or hidden somewhere

the poor boy doesn't even remember if his mommy even wore her ring

he wonders what went wrong

but he already knew what it was:

it was a failed marriage that was hidden from the public

society regards us as a loving family

in actuality,

the boy is just a child who's a bridge between the two

the link

there is no smooth breakup

because if there was, it would of happened long ago

instead the boy fears his mother

loves his father to death

and hates himself

as small children, we all think it's our fault

the boy though that as a eight year old

now fourteen

he's a bit more smart

bit more mature

and realizes;

he knows nothing about the world

thinks his depression and anxiety and mental illnesses

are nothing to real world

that reality is worse

doctors pity him, only knowing a small part of him

people don't know anything about him

and mommy calls him sick

daddy tries to help him

and he did help him; got him out of the four year depression

that daddy didn't even know he had

mommy just breaks everything

whispers about how she's gonna kill you

curses everyday

sometimes mommy is ok

she cooks, she cleans

other times she beats the boy, makes him feel horrible

tells him he's worthless

she's the one that has influenced the boy to curse

to use those bad words

she's the one that has influenced the depression

and the thoughts of the boy, trying to convince himself,

"i'm ok. i'm healthy."

when in reality

he doesn't know how to think of himself as healthy

because he just doesn't know what he is anymore.

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