186
The thoughts keep coming to mind,
"Are these really my friends" "Do they dislike me?"
Nonstop, almost feeling as if these "friends"
these nice "friends", were me being delusional.
Do I really have friends that I care for?
It almost feels that if they get into a tight situation
I'm not caring, even though in reality I'm supporting them.
This isn't me, This isn't me. THIS ISN'T ME!
I was never like this, it's painful to see that I joke around
more than I care about anyone. It's not who I want to be.
But yet that is me. That is who I am. The only people who I call
friends is poetry, the stress relieving tick that I always itch for.
I feel alone with this thought, every second, every minute.
I can't take this in, this is unbearable to see that I'm not who
I should be, caring, the only word I worry about, I manage
to convince myself that they are hurting, that I should shut up,
listen to their sorrows, their point of views,
comforting them in the end, because they need more comfort
than my problems, the problems that won't be solved, that
won't let me free from this scary world, this horrid perspective.
Do I really want to live like the person I am?
or should I go through the unbearable lies I spit out?
I'm scared for my future, scared about losing my "friends" because
their the only ones that comfort me in this world, this lonely world.
This is my thoughts...I've been thinking of different scenarios of suicidal attempts but yet I don't consider myself depressed....but rather miserable, there's a difference....thanks for reading, it means a lot...this wasn't me when I was younger, I was bright, cheerful, now its quite the same except I hide my feelings from the rest of my friends, except the ones who are going through the same situations that I've been.
"Are these really my friends" "Do they dislike me?"
Nonstop, almost feeling as if these "friends"
these nice "friends", were me being delusional.
Do I really have friends that I care for?
It almost feels that if they get into a tight situation
I'm not caring, even though in reality I'm supporting them.
This isn't me, This isn't me. THIS ISN'T ME!
I was never like this, it's painful to see that I joke around
more than I care about anyone. It's not who I want to be.
But yet that is me. That is who I am. The only people who I call
friends is poetry, the stress relieving tick that I always itch for.
I feel alone with this thought, every second, every minute.
I can't take this in, this is unbearable to see that I'm not who
I should be, caring, the only word I worry about, I manage
to convince myself that they are hurting, that I should shut up,
listen to their sorrows, their point of views,
comforting them in the end, because they need more comfort
than my problems, the problems that won't be solved, that
won't let me free from this scary world, this horrid perspective.
Do I really want to live like the person I am?
or should I go through the unbearable lies I spit out?
I'm scared for my future, scared about losing my "friends" because
their the only ones that comfort me in this world, this lonely world.
This is my thoughts...I've been thinking of different scenarios of suicidal attempts but yet I don't consider myself depressed....but rather miserable, there's a difference....thanks for reading, it means a lot...this wasn't me when I was younger, I was bright, cheerful, now its quite the same except I hide my feelings from the rest of my friends, except the ones who are going through the same situations that I've been.
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