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chapter 1 of my deep-ocean horror story
i really need feedback so i thought i'd post it here in case people dont like clicking on doc links
(i know im supposed to be working on my short story but i dont want to)
For Ari Xale, every night was the same. Pressure check the train, sync navigation systems, wait for his staff to arrive at the terminal. Being the conductor of Line 7, he was responsible for transporting engineers, scientists, and cargo for the major science company, Chromium Technologies. Line 7 ran from the Bathypelagic zone of the northern Atlantic ocean to the Oceanic Laboratory at the bottom of the ocean in the Hadal zone.
Ari lived in darkness. Only on occasion, if the ocean was clear enough, he could see faint beams of light reach the terminal.
He sighed and sat down in his seat in the conductor’s cabin. He flicked the light switches, listening for the buzz of electricity in each car before turning on the next.
Turning back to the control panel, Ari heard the main doors slide open. Kal Reyes was the Line 7 mechanic and steward. The young man ducked into the train. He was tall, smart, and quite expressive. His short wavy golden-blond hair was dyed at the ends with a deep red, a stark contrast to the dull gray of the train and the blackness of the water.
Kal dropped his bag on the seat outside Ari’s cabin before opening the engine room door. He stepped in to check the power level. The engine on Line 7 was a specialized deep sea engine, used for propelling the train through the tunnels at speeds no other train could reach. It also helped stabilize the pressure in the cars.
“You’re early,” Ari noted.
He could hear Kal pull the lever to start the engine. A deep rumbling vibrated through the floor.
“I had to get away from Mara.” His voice was slightly muffled.
Mara was his older cousin. She worked at the surface in the Chromium Sea Life Museum as a guide, constantly telling Kal he needed to get sun, that his job was too dangerous. Kal’s parents and younger siblings, Nona and Ide, lived several hours away from the museum. His mother was a history professor, and his father was a Latin professor at the same university.
Kal came back into the cabin.
“She’s right, you know,” Ari said. “About needing to get sun. I don’t think these vitamin supplements are working.”
“You say that because you’ve never been to the surface. It’s blindingly bright. Even the night sky has lights. It’s terrible.”
Ari sighed and looked down at the control panel. A message was blinking on the screen.
Cargo transport ready for pickup at Hadal station.
He dismissed the message and stood up. “We’ll be leaving a little earlier today. Dr. Wylie is heading to the museum to give a lecture.”
Kal nodded, pulling out his tablet from his bag and tapping something on it. He left the cabin and headed to the passenger cars to do a routine check. While he was gone, the security guard assigned to Line 7 that day—Owin Janay—stepped into the train, metal-soled boots clanging on the steel flooring. He glanced around the interior of the car, nodded at Ari, and ducked back outside to await passengers.
Ari let out a breath. Not Ether, then. Owin was great at his job, but he was one of the less friendly security officers. The captain would have preferred Ether Lockend, the female officer on rotation for Line 7, but she had been assigned to his train two days ago. The chiefs rarely assigned the same guard twice within a week, but not rare enough to keep Ari from hoping. He still peered out onto the platform, looking for Ether’s black-streaked hair.
“Who are you looking for?”
Ari jumped. Kal was standing behind him. Ari didn’t remember hearing the younger man come back.
“N- no one,” the captain stuttered.
Kal raised an eyebrow, a faint smirk on his lips. “No one, huh? Not even a certain blue-eyed security guard that spends more time in your cabin than on her job?”
Ari felt his face grow warm. “Shut up,” he muttered.
When the passengers arrived, Ari and Kal kept busy, preparing the train, keeping the engineers and scientists happy, and making sure the terminals were clear. Once Ari got the signal to proceed, he eased the train forward, speeding up until they were going over 300 miles per hour.
Kal took his seat and leaned back, closing his eyes. “Wake me if the light is red,” he muttered.
A red light above the doorway indicated a passenger was calling. But, like most trips, the light never turned red. Ari spent a majority of the four hour ride watching the navigation system. The red dot that traveled across the map of the ocean floor wasn’t much, but it was far more entertaining than the blackness outside the windows.
10 minutes before the arrival time, Ari woke Kal, and they checked the systems and tended to the passengers.
Soon they pulled up to the Hadal station. Once all the scientists and engineers had been dropped off, Ari, Kal, and Owin went to get food from the cafeteria.
The food hall was dimly lit and silent. No one was eating at that time—about two hours after sunrise. The only sign of life was a cook in the kitchen at the back, preparing lunch.
Kal practically slammed his tray down on the metal table that Ari and Owin sat at, breaking the silence with a loud clang.
“Did you have to throw it?” Owin grumbled, shoving a cold biscuit into his mouth.
“Why can’t we have some variety in our food?” Kal picked up a piece of wilted lettuce.
Lunch at the Hadal station was the same every day. A bland salad that tasted like it had been made two years ago, a cold biscuit with no toppings, a block of lab-grown chicken, and a vitamin smoothie. Ari didn’t love it, but it was better than no food, and it was free.
“Because it’s cheaper to get the same thing,” the captain said, taking a sip of the smoothie and making a face. It tasted like hand sanitizer.
“Maybe I should start bringing my own food,” Kal said over a bit of plastic chicken.
“We don’t get paid enough for that.”
“Speak for yourself,” Owin remarked.
Kal rolled his eyes. Ari sighed.
The rest of the day went exactly as all the other days. They picked up the night shift workers, spent four more hours in the train, and headed back to their own housing platforms. Ari got to his apartment two hours past midday.
The building was made of a dark metal that resisted the immense pressure of the ocean. His room was just like all the others: a small, stiff couch, a kitchenette on the right wall, and a bed on the left. A door leading to a small bathroom sat at the back of the room. There weren't any windows. None of the cheaper apartments had windows. Pressure safe glass was a luxury not many could afford. Ari was lucky that the train had some, not that there was much to see in the ocean anyway.
He set his bag down on the couch and got out his captain’s log. There was a small radio on the side table that he liked to listen to while recording the shift in his logs.
“Tomorrow’s forecast is sunny all day, with temperatures around 18 to 26 degrees Celsius.” The radio crackled.
Ari finished the paragraph for that day. He leaned his head back on the couch, staring at the ceiling, listening to the news on the surface.
Kal’s family was up there. He was lucky, even if he didn’t know it yet. Ari didn’t have any family left. His parents had died when he was young, and being raised by his aunt who worked as a scientist for Chromium, he never remembered being to the surface. When she died from a chemical leak in the lab, Ari was forced to get a job. He had been studying to become a conductor already, but he was unable to complete the course.
Because of his aunt’s death, he was given a train license when he was 17. Most people finished their schooling at 18 and were hired the same year. That was why a lot of people that worked at Chromium were younger.
It had been six years since he became a captain. Kal had only been a mechanic for a little over a year. No wonder he wasn’t used to the bland lifestyle. He’d figure out pretty quickly that the work wasn’t worth the pay. But once you worked with Chromium, you couldn’t go back.
i really need feedback so i thought i'd post it here in case people dont like clicking on doc links
(i know im supposed to be working on my short story but i dont want to)
chapter 1
For Ari Xale, every night was the same. Pressure check the train, sync navigation systems, wait for his staff to arrive at the terminal. Being the conductor of Line 7, he was responsible for transporting engineers, scientists, and cargo for the major science company, Chromium Technologies. Line 7 ran from the Bathypelagic zone of the northern Atlantic ocean to the Oceanic Laboratory at the bottom of the ocean in the Hadal zone.
Ari lived in darkness. Only on occasion, if the ocean was clear enough, he could see faint beams of light reach the terminal.
He sighed and sat down in his seat in the conductor’s cabin. He flicked the light switches, listening for the buzz of electricity in each car before turning on the next.
Turning back to the control panel, Ari heard the main doors slide open. Kal Reyes was the Line 7 mechanic and steward. The young man ducked into the train. He was tall, smart, and quite expressive. His short wavy golden-blond hair was dyed at the ends with a deep red, a stark contrast to the dull gray of the train and the blackness of the water.
Kal dropped his bag on the seat outside Ari’s cabin before opening the engine room door. He stepped in to check the power level. The engine on Line 7 was a specialized deep sea engine, used for propelling the train through the tunnels at speeds no other train could reach. It also helped stabilize the pressure in the cars.
“You’re early,” Ari noted.
He could hear Kal pull the lever to start the engine. A deep rumbling vibrated through the floor.
“I had to get away from Mara.” His voice was slightly muffled.
Mara was his older cousin. She worked at the surface in the Chromium Sea Life Museum as a guide, constantly telling Kal he needed to get sun, that his job was too dangerous. Kal’s parents and younger siblings, Nona and Ide, lived several hours away from the museum. His mother was a history professor, and his father was a Latin professor at the same university.
Kal came back into the cabin.
“She’s right, you know,” Ari said. “About needing to get sun. I don’t think these vitamin supplements are working.”
“You say that because you’ve never been to the surface. It’s blindingly bright. Even the night sky has lights. It’s terrible.”
Ari sighed and looked down at the control panel. A message was blinking on the screen.
Cargo transport ready for pickup at Hadal station.
He dismissed the message and stood up. “We’ll be leaving a little earlier today. Dr. Wylie is heading to the museum to give a lecture.”
Kal nodded, pulling out his tablet from his bag and tapping something on it. He left the cabin and headed to the passenger cars to do a routine check. While he was gone, the security guard assigned to Line 7 that day—Owin Janay—stepped into the train, metal-soled boots clanging on the steel flooring. He glanced around the interior of the car, nodded at Ari, and ducked back outside to await passengers.
Ari let out a breath. Not Ether, then. Owin was great at his job, but he was one of the less friendly security officers. The captain would have preferred Ether Lockend, the female officer on rotation for Line 7, but she had been assigned to his train two days ago. The chiefs rarely assigned the same guard twice within a week, but not rare enough to keep Ari from hoping. He still peered out onto the platform, looking for Ether’s black-streaked hair.
“Who are you looking for?”
Ari jumped. Kal was standing behind him. Ari didn’t remember hearing the younger man come back.
“N- no one,” the captain stuttered.
Kal raised an eyebrow, a faint smirk on his lips. “No one, huh? Not even a certain blue-eyed security guard that spends more time in your cabin than on her job?”
Ari felt his face grow warm. “Shut up,” he muttered.
When the passengers arrived, Ari and Kal kept busy, preparing the train, keeping the engineers and scientists happy, and making sure the terminals were clear. Once Ari got the signal to proceed, he eased the train forward, speeding up until they were going over 300 miles per hour.
Kal took his seat and leaned back, closing his eyes. “Wake me if the light is red,” he muttered.
A red light above the doorway indicated a passenger was calling. But, like most trips, the light never turned red. Ari spent a majority of the four hour ride watching the navigation system. The red dot that traveled across the map of the ocean floor wasn’t much, but it was far more entertaining than the blackness outside the windows.
10 minutes before the arrival time, Ari woke Kal, and they checked the systems and tended to the passengers.
Soon they pulled up to the Hadal station. Once all the scientists and engineers had been dropped off, Ari, Kal, and Owin went to get food from the cafeteria.
The food hall was dimly lit and silent. No one was eating at that time—about two hours after sunrise. The only sign of life was a cook in the kitchen at the back, preparing lunch.
Kal practically slammed his tray down on the metal table that Ari and Owin sat at, breaking the silence with a loud clang.
“Did you have to throw it?” Owin grumbled, shoving a cold biscuit into his mouth.
“Why can’t we have some variety in our food?” Kal picked up a piece of wilted lettuce.
Lunch at the Hadal station was the same every day. A bland salad that tasted like it had been made two years ago, a cold biscuit with no toppings, a block of lab-grown chicken, and a vitamin smoothie. Ari didn’t love it, but it was better than no food, and it was free.
“Because it’s cheaper to get the same thing,” the captain said, taking a sip of the smoothie and making a face. It tasted like hand sanitizer.
“Maybe I should start bringing my own food,” Kal said over a bit of plastic chicken.
“We don’t get paid enough for that.”
“Speak for yourself,” Owin remarked.
Kal rolled his eyes. Ari sighed.
The rest of the day went exactly as all the other days. They picked up the night shift workers, spent four more hours in the train, and headed back to their own housing platforms. Ari got to his apartment two hours past midday.
The building was made of a dark metal that resisted the immense pressure of the ocean. His room was just like all the others: a small, stiff couch, a kitchenette on the right wall, and a bed on the left. A door leading to a small bathroom sat at the back of the room. There weren't any windows. None of the cheaper apartments had windows. Pressure safe glass was a luxury not many could afford. Ari was lucky that the train had some, not that there was much to see in the ocean anyway.
He set his bag down on the couch and got out his captain’s log. There was a small radio on the side table that he liked to listen to while recording the shift in his logs.
“Tomorrow’s forecast is sunny all day, with temperatures around 18 to 26 degrees Celsius.” The radio crackled.
Ari finished the paragraph for that day. He leaned his head back on the couch, staring at the ceiling, listening to the news on the surface.
Kal’s family was up there. He was lucky, even if he didn’t know it yet. Ari didn’t have any family left. His parents had died when he was young, and being raised by his aunt who worked as a scientist for Chromium, he never remembered being to the surface. When she died from a chemical leak in the lab, Ari was forced to get a job. He had been studying to become a conductor already, but he was unable to complete the course.
Because of his aunt’s death, he was given a train license when he was 17. Most people finished their schooling at 18 and were hired the same year. That was why a lot of people that worked at Chromium were younger.
It had been six years since he became a captain. Kal had only been a mechanic for a little over a year. No wonder he wasn’t used to the bland lifestyle. He’d figure out pretty quickly that the work wasn’t worth the pay. But once you worked with Chromium, you couldn’t go back.
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