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Jack had just moved out of his parents house after his senior year of high school. He said his goodbyes and was on his way. He had found a small apartment in the town next over. He didn’t have a job, but he was planning on finding one. Jack didn’t need to worry about school anymore, so he just tried to enjoy himself, while he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking about the one thing his mind was stuck on; the voices. He had been hearing them at night when he tried to go to bed since he was four, when his twin brother died. They never got along, and Jack was messing with him in their front yard when Zach, his twin brother, tried to run to the other side of the street, not seeing the car coming down the street. He had heard the voices every night since then. He knew it had something to do with his brother, but he never knew what. Jack had been scarred for life after that, but he managed to go through with his life. One night, he was laying in his bed reading while his dog, Buster, was laying at the edge of the bed, when he heard, “I know you hear me, but one day you won’t only hear me, you’ll see me too.” Jack had learned to just ignore it, and try to read. When he got bored and restless he went to sleep. The next morning he took Buster for a walk, and came back to a box on his door step. He went inside and opened it, but what was inside didn’t make any sense, until he read the note. It said, “Don’t ignore me, or you’ll regret it.” In the box was a little bottle with red juice in it. Not bright red, but blood red. That had been enough for Jack, so he decided to stand up to whatever it was. That night, when he heard the voices again, he yelled as loud as possible, “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?!? WHO ARE YOU?!?!?!” The voice answered, “Seriously? You killed me and you don’t know who I am? Well, I am now The Whisperer, and you’re about to take my place.” Jack then heard his dog barking at something behind him. As he turned, Zach’s ghost formed from mid air, stood and looked at Jack for a second, then said, “Hey, there buddy… looking for me?” As soon as he said it Jack fell on his back, aching in pain. Zach had a very unpleased look on his face. “Remember how I said you’d take my place?? Well, here it goes, and I’ll be free!” As Zach was about to finish Jack off, Buster jumped up and tackled Zach, and as the two wrestled, Jack got up, grabbed a knife, and stabbed his brothers ghost, and Zach was no more. Or at least Jack thought so. While Jack was sleeping, Zach got up from playing dead and whispered, “Can’t kill a ghost with a knife, silly Jack!” and stabbed Jack straight in the heart, which lead to Jack becoming the new Whisperer. The two boys were never seen again.
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--Paragraphing. Definitely.
--You don't need so many exclamation and question marks. We understand that he's very angry and/or confused.
--Question here. How did Jack get a knife? He was in his apartment, correct? Did he just have it lying on the ground, in the closet...?
Overall, I think it's very nice!