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Level 49
Master Herobrine
245
  • My Heart



    (Picrew Link)

    ~

    The words people use to describe me
    Are like dichotomies that somehow coexist
    I don't fit into any set group
    I'm an archetypal misfit
    My personality is atypical
    Its askew from the norm

    A childhood of trauma
    An adolescence of more
    Some people crack under the pressure
    While others grow from the weight
    For me I walked both paths
    They never parted ways
    Trauma after trauma left my heart in a frozen state
    Trauma after trauma made my mind distort out of shape

    Left in a room isolated and alone
    Hours passing yet no one knows
    A hole in my memories
    A rift in my soul
    A change in my perception
    A darkness at my core

    Accelerated maturity lacking natural development
    A villain by age eight
    A mastermind at eleven
    Age fifteen
    Seeking help through deception
    Slipping my past under a hefty mattress
    If I can't see it
    Then it never happened

    I'll be fine on my own
    I don't need anyone
    I can't let anyone in
    But the years passed by
    And regrettably I was mistaken

    I'm a conglomeration of mismatched parts
    What shouldn't naturally work together
    Has somehow fused together as one
    Making my inner person obnoxiously complex

    I'm an onlooker of the world behind a thick pane of glass
    I see people walk by
    I see them interact
    But whether they are the best of friends or have only just met
    I realize they have something I lack

    I try to make friends but it always ends the same
    I don't know what that means
    What does it mean to befriend
    I can't comprehend

    I cop out on the truth to escape reality
    I try to say I have social anxiety
    But in all actuality
    I have nothing to offer the closer someone tries to get to me
    Its an ugly truth I'm constantly hiding
    What I would give to have what is missing inside me

    ~

  • Get To Know Me


    (Enjoy some vibes while you read)

    Favorite Shows/Movies
    Anime:
    While the majority of my favorite anime series have an overpowered protagonist in a fantasy world such as:

    One Punch Man

    The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

    Mob Psycho 100

    Problem Children Are Coming From Another World Aren't They?

    Cautious Hero: The Hero is Overpowered But Overly Cautious

    My absolute favorite anime is actually very realistic and was in fact inspired by real life events. And that's the movie, "The Silent Voice" (or "The Shape of Voice" depending on translation). 10 out of 10 (I absolutely recommend watching it if you haven't, that is unless you have sensitivities to themes/topics of depression and suicidality.)

    Action Movies:
    Pretty much every movie made for the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) -- Endgame being probably my favorite though.

    The Pirates of the Caribbean Series

    The Lord of The Rings and Hobbit Trilogies

    Star Wars

    (Can't Think of Anything Else Right Now)

    ....Ummmmmm Love Stories:
    Pride and Prejudice (I literally started to laugh and cry at the same time during the end of the movie when Elizabeth was explaining to her father why she wants to marry Mr. Darcy...my sister didn't know what to what to do with me...we don't talk about it...it's embarrassing)

    The Anne of Green Gables Trilogy

    The When Calls the Heart TV Series

    Heartland



    Favorite Music Groups:


    Gothic Rock:
    Fields of the Nephilim

    Nosferatu

    The Wake

    Sonsombre

    The Merry Thoughts

    Sisters of Mercy

    Inkubus Sukkubus -- goth rock / pagan rock

    Goth Inspired Metal:
    Semblant

    Stitched Up Heart

    New Years Day

    (Goth inspired metal used to be my favorite style of music. This was until I started listening to gothic rock, which swiftly put all metal at the way-side. It was what initially drew me to goth rock. I always wondered why I enjoyed goth inspired metal, because metal isn't typically my type of music (with a few exceptions), so I thought I'd try listening to actual goth music in which case I was hooked.)

    Other Alternative Bands:
    Starset

    Falling In Reverse

    (I mean if we want to be technical I've only listened to two songs from both Starset (My Demons, and Trials) and Falling In Reverse (Losing my Life, and Popular Monster)
    So I guess the songs listed can exist in my list of favorites, but not the two bands, because I never got that deep in their music.

    Icon For Hire

    K-Pop:
    Blackpink

    KDA

    Dreamcatcher

    Loona


    Other Music Groups:
    Heilung -- an experimental folk group, inspired by texts and runic inscriptions from the Germanic people during the Bronze, Iron, and Viking Age --(also fairly high on the list of favorites)

    Paleowolf -- shamanic, tribal and prehistoric ambiental music

    Trobar de Morte -- tribal, ritualist styled music

    NF -- rapper

    Faouzia -- pop singer

    Nathan Wagner -- pop singer

    Mattia Cupelli -- composer of orchestral music as well as a merge of minimal electronic and neo-classical/ambient

    The Enigma TNG -- dark electronic music

    SKYND -- electronic/industrial/experimental music that delves into the darkest places of the human mind

    [​I'm also a fan of Witch House -- which is a micro-genre of EDM]



    ************************************


    Random Things About Me:
    I'm not always the best conversationalist but my PMs are always open if you want to chat.

    **********************************
    I'm a 26 yr old (as of Oct 5 2020) Christian guy. I see beauty in things that most people that I know do not, particularly when it comes to having a darker aesthetic -- an aesthetic that I love very much, although it mainly stays within the realm of décor and aesthetic for me, and not so much in the way I dress (that seems to change as time goes on though). I find inspiration for my skins based on the music I'm listening to in the given moment.

    I've never had any support system from anyone to be who I want to be (in just about any context). Everyone just wants me to fit in, but I don't want to -- I just want to be myself. Every person is gifted the opportunity to live once. I don't intend on spending my entire life miserable, just trying to make everyone else happy, only to make it to the end and never have truly lived. My childhood really wasn't that great, so I find myself a lot of times just wanting to make someone's day and bring a little joy.

    **********************************
    I really enjoy (for non-academic / non-occupational purposes) researching criminology, psychology, cold cases, heinous criminal cases, and serial killers. Serial killers are my favorite topic to research.
    ***********************************
    I have no idea what personality I would have based on the Meyers Briggs personality test, but here's my Big 5 Factor model for anyone who's interested in what I'm like:



    Typically within the big 5 factor model they will estimate neuroticism -- not emotional stability, which is the opposite of neuroticism. Neuroticism is pretty much how prone someone is to experiencing strong fluctuations in emotion, as well as feeling negative emotions. Since they used "Emotional stability" in their test and its extremely high, it simply means that the neuroticism is very low.

    Another thing to note is that the "Intellect/Imagination" is just another name for "Openness to Experience" which has to do with someone's openness to new things, new ideas, and new experiences as well as how imaginative the individual is. It doesn't really have anything to do with IQ, so I feel like they should have just used the normal title. The one used could be a bit misleading.

    In short what the chart shows is:

    1.) I'm an Introvert
    2.) I'm not prone to strong emotions, negative emotions, or strong emotional fluctuations
    3.) I tend to be hard-headed, competitive, and extremely skeptical of other people's intentions
    4.) I can be spontaneous and tend to be very flexible during disorganized situations
    5.) I'm very open to new ideas/experiences and I'm very imaginative

    *************************************
    A very relatable song:

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