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Eli Reviews: Shrek the Movie - "It's Never Ogre, Isn't It?"

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avatar Peridot XJ9
Level 32 : Artisan Dolphin
145
Hello my fellow reader! It's me! The funniest blog maker and Peridot on PMC! I bet you you're all wondering, "Hey Eli! Why haven't you made a blog in forever?" Well, the main reasons are school, addicting wall daily posts, and a roleplay that I've been participating in on this website. I'm not going to say which one it is because I want you guys to find it yourself. The two other reasons that I'm not posting a lot of blogs are self-explanatory.
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"But Eli!" Hi Magikarp. What do you want? "Where's that Minecraft blog of yours? Is it going to come along anytime soon? Why are you doing another review!? Give me the Minecraft!" Hold your horses there, Magikarp in the comments! I'm going to do that after this review! Just give me time and I'll have one up for you, okay? Yeesh. If you are too lazy to check out the title, I'm forcing myself to talk about a movie that almost everybody's been talking about on PMC and that I've been posting wall posts showing my love-hate relationship for: Shrek.
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Oh, how I dread to do a review on this darn movie. I hate to be the minority here, but I just don't like Shrek as much as I did when I was a child. Wait a second! Don't type any hate comments just yet! I don't hate it at all, and I'm fine with all of the dank memes about it. Heck, I even like most of the jokes in this movie! The reason I can't enjoy it for what is will be revealed at a little later into the blog. For now, it's storytime with Peridot XJ9!
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When I first saw Shrek as a child, I thought it wasn't that bad. It had some jokes that I could laugh at and some likeable characters. I liked all of it's sequels and even was stupid enough to see the third movie in the "legacy" right on the silver screen. But one day, I had a nightmare. A nightmare that I remember to this day that scars me from watching these movies just as bad as Melvin did for me in the past. It was a nightmare where I was a normal child, but both of my parents were ogres. My childhood self couldn't take it and I remembered it ever since. To forget this awful nightmare from ever lurking again, I simply didn't watch any of the Shrek movies ever again until they started to appear in dank memes. The reason why I do this to cope? It's because the more I watch something over and over (i.e; A Fairly Odd Christmas), the more likely I will have that particular dream/nightmare again (Example: One with the Live Action Crocker in it). Since you guys like Shrek so much, I'm doing a review of it for you guys. So yeah, here you go! I'm reviewing it... Oh boy, am I not happy about this.
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Before we start talking about any characters or whatnot, I'm going to tell you the story of the meme movie that started it all. Once upon a time, there was an ogre named Shrek who lived in a swamp. He likes being alone because nobody can judge him for what he looks like. One day, he finds a talking donkey, creatively named Donkey, who always keeps getting on his nerves. At night, some fairy tale creatures are dumped right into Shrek's swamp because of an eviction notice (Ha, that's one of the funniest jokes in the movie!) signed by Lord Farquadd, who I will call Fluffclod for the sake of this review (And because I'm a Peridot and it seems to have a nice ring to the name). So Shrek goes off on a journey with Donkey to fufill a request by Fluffclod to rescue a princess in order to get his swamp back. While doing so, he finds that the princess is not who she seems to be and might have a dark secret about her past what what she really is.
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Okay, now that we've talked about the plot, let's talk about the characters. Note that some of this information is spoilers, but I can assume that you've all seen this movie at least once in your life, so it doesn't really matter if this is spoiling the movie for you or not. If you haven't seen at all, you're one of the lucky ones who is living under a rock. Now, let's talk about the mean green meme machine himself, Shrek (Played by Mike Meyers). As a character, he's not that bad. He's quite relatable in this day of age of how people judge him for how he looks. He hides his sorrow by being grumpy and scaring other people, and as the movie goes on, you will start to get the onion joke that he makes in the movie. I'm not going to spoil it too much, but you probably already know what it is by now. His character design is pretty good too. I mean, for a recognizable character, at least he doesn't look terrifyingly ugly. Fun fact, Shrek was going to be voiced by Chris Farley until he died of a drug overdose halfway through the movie's production. He was going to be portrayed as a more humble and friendly version of the character. That's such a shame because I really want to hear the 95% of dialogue that he voiced for the scrapped version of the movie. I mean, there's a clip online that I saw of him voicing in with actual storyboards and everything, but I want to hear more of his voice like when he has scenes with the princess herself! More on that later...
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Next, we have Donkey (Voiced by Eddie Murphy). Oh boy, out of all the characters that I have to stare at and endure in this movie, this one's my favorite! Along with Dragon and Puss in Boots (not in this movie, unfortunately), Donkey is placed on the upper tier of favorite Shrek characters and it shows. His wisecracking and joyful attitude is probably the highlight of the movie and gets rid of all the pain that I have to go through while sitting through this movie. If you get annoyed by him, that's understandable. He's supposed to be annoying, and he knows it well. He's an outcast, but he doesn't mind. He just wants to make friends just like everyone else in society. Oddly enough, that's how I deal with life in the long run. Sure, I'm a odd Peridot, but so what? I'm still me, and I'll always shrug off insults while living life as it is and going wherever the road will take me. That's how Donkey deals with problems in this movie. He doesn't care if he's an outcast or not and just goes out to help friends in need, yet he still has flaws. Plus, his design is less unbearable to look at when watching the movie, and whenever he's on screen, I'll just stare at him instead.
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Now that I've gushed over my favorite protagonist, let's talk about the antagonist of the film, Lord Farquadd (Voiced by John Livgow [I think that's how you spell it?]). You know what? He's also an enjoyable character to watch as well! Whenever Fluffclod is on, you'll be sure to get a laugh out of him. He tries to look intimidating, but in reality, he's about the size of a Peridot, which is why I nicknamed him Fluffclod in the first place. Since he's too "scared" of rescuing the princess from the dragon, he tries to send out one of his knights to rescue her. Unfortunately, he got Shrek instead because he defeated all of his knights, which ends up leading to his downfall in the end. His design is also not too bad, albeit it looks a little off because it's a human one. Plus, he gives out one of the best quotes that sums up the entire movie: "Ugh, it's disgusting!"
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"But wait!" I hear you Magikarps raging at nothing. "Aren't you forgetting somebody? You know, a certain princess that you should have listed in the protagonist list?" Uh, well, no! I haven't- Oh wait. Her. The one character that triggered my nightmare in the first place. *Sigh* I've got to mention her sometime. Yours for the taking... Ugh. Princess gosh dang Fiona (Played by Cameron Diaz).
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"Hey! What makes you hate Fiona! She's a well developed character with a tragic backstory! Don't you love those types of characters?" Yeah, I love her backstory and human form, it's just the design of the ogre form that made me want to look away from every time she's on screen. I know, her design didn't make me wince as a child and the moral of "So what if you look like an abomination" is what I stand for to this day, but now that it was the cause of my scarring nightmare, it just gives me the heebie jeebies. Before I get into any details about this character, I wanted to share a fun fact that states that Janene Garofolo could've been a sarcastic deadpan version of Fiona in the Chris Farley version. We could've had a cool design for Fiona too, but nope. We just got one that specifically gave me nightmares. Her personality is not that bad, thankfully. Before she was rescued by Shrek, she always followed the cliched path of fairy tales, getting the manly prince charming in the end and receiving true love's kiss. Later in the movie, she learns that she doesn't need cliches to help her find her prince charming, because true love actually comes in the most bizarre forms that you wouldn't expect. See, that character development and morals she goes through is not half bad. I like cute and tragic stuff like this, but gosh. The longer I have to stare at her ogre form, the quicker I want to turn my TV off, especially when it is shown near the climax and the end of the film.

Now that I've revealed what ruined Shrek for me, I'm going to talk about the good part of the movie, the jokes. A lot of the jokes are pretty hit and miss, and sometimes you get some crude humor that makes you wince here and there. But oh man, the jokes that hit bullseyes, really do hit them. I loved most of the satire and adult jokes of the movie now that I'm older, and the crude jokes I loved as a child diminished in quality. It really depends on your joke tastes, and there's at least something in this movie to laugh at for all joke lovers.
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Now that I've covered what I've had to say about this movie, let's go rate this sucker, shall we?
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Shrek the Movie:
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Story: 7/10. Not a bad story and moral. It's pretty creative and it'll at least keep your attention.
Characters: 6/10. These characters are likable and memorable, but Fiona's ogre form design just looks... Argh! To quote the Nostalgia Critic, "What kind of a movie would allow a design like this to exist?"
Animation: 5/10. Sure it looks weird at first, but you'll get used to it. Just be thankful it's not as bad as Shark Tale's animation... :P
Laughs: 8/10. The jokes were solid, all except for the crude ones. For this rating, it all depends on your tastes.
Fun: 7/10. Not a bad experience if you want something to watch when you're bored.

Overall: 33/50. Shrek is a good movie.
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In the end of it all, I think Shrek is more on my love-hate relationship list of movies. There's nothing really that wrong with it, and if you like Fiona's ogre design, more power to you. I'm not shoving my opinion on you like most ignorant clods on the web. I'm just giving you my opinion that you can enjoy for your pleasure, and if you can respect my opinion, I'll totally respect yours. But really, that's what movies are about. It's a different movie experience for all of us, and I apparently had a sour yet a little sweet taste for this movie. Want to request any movies of blog topics for the future or just want to chat? Just leave a comment down below that I'll always respond to in the nick of time and don't forget to live life the porposeful way!
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Welp Id say that's enough internet forthe day. irngflip.com
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Comments : 14

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1 - 14 of 14

  • Desee
  • Level 25
  • Expert Artist
  • May 3, 2018, 10:01 pm
Once you go shrak you never go back...
  • Peridot XJ9
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Dolphin
  • May 4, 2018, 3:43 pm
Oh gosh... You're right.
What have I done to myself...?
Very well written review, so well that it made it to pop reel! Congrats!
  • Peridot XJ9
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Dolphin
  • May 3, 2018, 4:12 pm
Wow, thanks for the compliments! I'm glad that you enjoyed the review. :3
Are you experiencing view drop as well? :/
  • Peridot XJ9
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Dolphin
  • April 30, 2018, 6:10 pm
Eh, I don't care for how many people view this, it's just the comments that count.

And if you're wondering if I'm experiencing a drop in comment amounts, I sure am at the moment, which just sucks because I thrive on comments, good or bad, to keep going with this type of content because I need the motivation to make these beautifully crafted blogs for my viewers! :P
Well I'm still here :)
  • Peridot XJ9
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Dolphin
  • May 3, 2018, 4:13 pm
...And I'm sure glad you are! :D
If only there is a notification bell icon here so that I can see your new uploads as soon as possible. :)




P.S. Great review. <3
  • Peridot XJ9
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Dolphin
  • April 28, 2018, 1:38 pm
Thanks for the compliment! :D

But I don't know. Maybe it's best to not have a bell to not end up looking like every other site possible. If they are going to add some type of bell, they should use a different object like a noteblock or something to make it seem unique to the site. :P
Maybe :o
  • Peridot XJ9
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Dolphin
  • April 29, 2018, 11:42 am
Yeah, who knows what PMC will do! xD
I'm thinking of a lever that you pull to say "Pull for notifications" instead of "Push for notifications".
  • Peridot XJ9
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Dolphin
  • April 30, 2018, 6:11 pm
Ah, that's super clever! If you can make a ticket for that, I would love to support my love for it. :3

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