I need to stop pretending to be someone I am not

It is always hard for me to make a beginning, even though I planned to make the post a long time ago. Last year,I changed my icon to Bender, the times goes like a skurvol in butcher's store, times change. Yesterday Sailor, who travelled around the world and seeked for people, now just scapegoat.
My mental health goes up and down. My emotions feel kind of limited. Constant laughter of anything, sometimes different actions. I mentioned that I returned to KB or KR, yet currently I don't watch it, now I am more on ŚWK with my Grandpa. Times have changed, what seemed to be theory is now practise. Sometimes, I feel powerless, like I cannot do anything. "What have I become, my sweetest friend?"
I have traumas, pre yesterday my grandpa unawarly mentioned a situation that I see as a trigger. I felt broken, thankfully my dog came with the support and forced me to go out with her. I regret the traumatic situation, I feel grossed out of myself. I try my best, even my parents' way how to act by my failures is different than before. I still have the trauma from a case. Thankfully. I had exams once, by one I felt like I was going to get mass shot. Today I am doing this, tomorrow is the preparation and after tomorrow is the action. I talked with my dad about the exams and I watched Ralph The Horse too. I passed the exams. By any exam, I have also prayed. God and the Sacred Mother support me. I am thankful them for passing the exams.

A week ago, it was on thursday, I had a dream that I exactly wrote down.
It is night, I wake up to freely catch our MommyCat(in reality she was caught one day before and was waiting in the car) and put her to the car, which oddly was too near the house. At one moment, she escapes and I catch her again. Boggy goes out the car and I go inside to drive to a moment(before the curve). Boggy will come back then and hold the cat. While driving, I see my cousin staring at me with some guys. One possibly my uncle. While waiting at the end of the route, I watch KB, where the episode is styled like in the Barbarian segment. My mom is sitting next to me. The admiral looked small and the fight was on chairs? There was a joke about the Alien Sultan, where he gets 10+ Charisma and a free mass. I think about my newest stray cat, I didn't want her to get spied. Boggy comes back and takes the cat. I return to our old room, where I think. Then I woke up.
I had a second dream after this, where I was in my room and in the kitchen, where old people were. The whole building looked different and they had a horizontal TV with windows XP which didn't fully worked. I tried to fix it and was bitching about the tv and that's all.

Sadly, my family caught the stray too. The good news is, that we also got a new doggy, which someone throw away and currently the dog is very happy by us. We lost potential kittens, yet got a friend for life :)
The stray sleeps everyday and is fine. It is a cat that was a homecat, that seems to be thrown away one month before she came to us. I treat her like she was here from the beginning, kitten. She is one of my children. Today, we adopted a next one, a specific. My dad planned and planned and nothing. He planned a puppy, yet this one is young and very sweet. It is a sign from God again.
I thought about other things too, like my updated OC reminding me to someone specific(I plan a meme, let us hope PMC will be merciful). We spend about 2-3 hours in traffic.

From this day my icon gets changed from Bender to Tytus. Those days are special for me. What is interesting last year I felt like crp for no reason. This day I feel not like cr*p, yesterday night I felt powerless. Anyways, have a good week.

Greetings

Enny