My friends, we have once again found ourselves in dire circumstances!  For years, the prophets of lore have whispered of a dark cataclysm the likes of which we’ve never seen: a great eclipse followed by the end of mankind as we know it.



Approximately one week ago, the project section on PMC suffered a curse of epic magnitudes.  A perversion of the natural order of things has subverted our once peaceful world into darkness and despair.  I’m speaking, of course, of the veil that’s fallen over page 7 of the ‘recently updated’ page.



To the untrained eye, this might just appear to be a glitch that’s preventing projects from being cycled.  But to sensible beings like you and me, this is something far more ominous.  It is the seventh occultation of legend, forged by the blood angels of death, and perpetuated by a deadly build-up of dark matter.



A black hole is consuming new projects at an alarming rate which, in time, will lead to an unprecedented occultation of the sun.  This great eclipse will last for an eternity, and the planet will fall into an age of perpetual black oblivion.  In just a few weeks, the temperature will drop to 60 million degrees below zero!



All life will be frozen, flesh will become crystal, and a thermo-gravitational shift will rip our once bustling cities out of the Earth’s crust and into the atmosphere!  The blood angels will descend upon us, and rip our very souls from our frozen bodies.



Hence forth, the world will be ruled by the only organisms capable of surviving the eternal winter: penguins!  They will build mighty ice spires reaching towards the heavens, and slide around over our frozen corpses in a joyous rage.  Planet Penguin will then wage war against Xenu and his intergalactic empire, and the universe will watch in horror as the fabric of space and time is ripped to shreds.




Do not panic, for there is a lone hope.  The prophecy speaks of two titans: Malith and Daedalus (also known as Paril and Cyprezz in some cultures), who may yet swing their mighty golden hammers and cease the progression of this cursed nightmare.  In just a few hours, the fate of the universe will be in their hands.  Only time will tell.



We must engage in a mass ritual sacrifice to appease Malith and Daedalus!  If there are any children or small animals in your midst, please toss them into moving traffic while reciting the Arcaenus enchantment!  

(Disclaimer: DO NOT THROW ANY LIVING CREATURES INTO MOVING TRAFFIC; THIS MAN IS INSANE!)

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Well, that or Paril and Cyprezz will fix the glitch and everything will be fine.  Maybe.

. . .

Naw, LET’S THROW SOME THINGS AT SPEEDING CARS!!!  >:D

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Update: 6/1/15

Praise the Gods!  The intergalactic penguin holocaust has been averted!  Now let's have a moment of silence for all the babies that gave their lives for our salvation.

*silence*

NOW LET'S PARTY, MOTHA----------!!!!  :D