You choose to go with cheesy line no. 1.

You shout to the Bowelbear: "Hey!"

The Bowelbear turns his head, and gives you a death-stare.

You continue to say: "Gut up, or shut up".

Oh my dusty navel, that was the absolute worst cheesy line I've ever heard. For such a terrible line, you now lose 1 armor for the first 3 rolls of the fight (The armor is restored after the 3 rolls). NEVER go with "Cheesy line no. 1", EVER. It's always the WORST one. You sound like a village-idiot who fell asleep in troll-litter.


Go to "4" to fight the "Bowelbear".

You choose to go with cheesy line no. 2.

You shout to the Bowelbear: "Hey!"

The Bowelbear turns his head, and gives you a death-stare.

You continue to say: "Oh! Sorry good sir, but is this the petting zoo? Cause I smell bird-shit everywhere".

Okay, for that line, you get +1 Damage on your first attack.


Go to "4" to fight the "Bowelbear".

You choose to go with cheesy line no. 3.

You shout to the Bowelbear: "Hey!"

The Bowelbear turns his head, and gives you a death-stare.

You continue to say: "Wench".

The Bowelbear feels offended, and his guards are down now. For 3 rolls, his armor is lowered by 1 (The armor is restored after the 3 rolls).


Go to "4" to fight the "Bowelbear".

You choose to fight the Bowelbear.

The Bowelbear stands up on his hindlegs and... ohhh... ooooooh... he's... well pretty big... clearly he works out... he would have had an eight-pack, had it not been because of... well... you know... uhh... he sure looks like a deuce-bag though, so kill him! And remember! His name is DYLAN! NOTHING GOOD comes out of people named DYLAN! DYLAN = DEUCE-BAG = KILL HIM ALREADY! If you can, lol.


Dylan The Bowelbear has 80 HP and 2 armor


+ Dead-lifter, This cave-billy can lift some serious stuff. He could probably dead-lift your house if he wanted to. All his attacks penetrate 1 armor.

+ Roar Of The Deuce-bags, Whenever Dylan is attacked, he roars, and his next attack is empowered, dealing +1 bonus damage. This buff lasts for 1 roll after your attack, but if he his damaged again immediately afterwards, he will roar again, stacking the effect with yet another +1 bonus damage, and prolonging the buff for 1 roll. This effect stacks infinitely, and only disappears after he attacks, or if you don't attack him twice (or more) in a row.


(Remember to play the "passives" and "abilities" of the encounters, otherwise you're just cheating... loser...)


If the dice rolls:

Roll 1: Dylan launches at you:

1. option: If you have a shield you can choose to lift up the shield, gaining +3 armor. You will however get hit, taking 4 damage.
2. option: Dodge the assault. Roll again, if you roll 3 or more, you dodge the attack. If you roll 2 or 1, you get hit for 4 damage. IF you dodge the attack, you can also choose to counter-attack, dealing 1 damage. You can also choose not to.

Roll 2: Dylan makes an uppercut, slamming you into the ceiling of the cave, dealing 4 damage to you. However, if you got "Roll 3" before this attack, and stalactites in the roof fell down, then this attack only deals 3 damage to you.


Roll 3: Dylan smashes the ground, making the whole cave shake violently. Stalactites break off from the ceiling if the cave, and rain down towards the ground. Dylan takes 3 damage, and also roars. Additionally, his armor is removed for 2 rolls.

1. option: Dodge the attack, roll the dice again. If you roll 2 or more, you dodge the attack, if you roll 1, you get hit for 5 damage (Dylan cannot attach any bonus damage to this attack).
2. option: Roll towards Dylan, attacking him for 2 damage, taking 2 damage from getting scratched by a stalactite, however Dylan will also roar an additional time.
3. option: If you have a set of daggers you can toss them at Dylan. Roll again, if you roll:

1. You miss with both daggers, and get hit by a stalactite, taking 4 damage.
2. You miss with both daggers, and gets scratched by a stalactite, taking 2 damage.
3. You hit with 1 dagger and dodge, dealing 3 damage to Dylan.
4. You hit with 1 dagger and dodge, dealing 3 damage to Dylan.
5. You hit with both daggers and dodge, dealing 5 damage to Dylan.
6. You hit with both daggers and dodge, hitting Dylan's eyes, dealing 7 damage to Dylan, AND he doesn't roar.

Roll 4: You get a clean shot at Dylan.

If you have a battle-axe you deal 5 damage and break his armor for 3 rolls.
If you have a shield you deal 4 damage, and also SILENCE Dylan, resetting all his Roar Of The Deuce-bags stacks.
If you have a set of daggers you deal 6 damage.

Roll 5: Dylan takes hold of his intestines and whips it at you. Roll the dice again, if you roll:

1. You get whipped hard, taking 5 damage and additionally your armor is reduced by 2 for 2 rolls.
2. You get whipped, taking 4 damage.
3. The intestines whip around your foot, and you fall to the ground, taking 1 damage, and your next attack is reduced by 1 damage.
4. You dodge the intestine whip.
5. You dodge the intestine whip.
6. You dodge the intestine whip, and then grab onto it, pulling Dylan down to the ground. On your next attack roll, you get to attack twice.

Roll 6: You manage to get behind Dylan's back. Dylan tries to swing his intestines low, in order to snare you:

1. option: Dodge the attack by rolling backwards.
2. option: Try to jump up on the back of Dylan to dodge the attack, and also counter attack. Roll again, if you roll:

1. You get snared, and Dylan continuously slams you into the ground. Roll again, if you roll 1 or 2, he slams you into the ground once, dealing 3 damage to you. If you roll 3 or 4, he slams you into the ground twice, dealing 5 damage to you. If you roll 5 or 6, he slams you into the ground 3 times, dealing 7 damage to you.
2. You manage to jump over the swinging intestine, but don't jump high enough to latch on to Dylan's back.
3. You manage to jump over the swinging intestine, but you fall and trip, taking 1 damage.
4. You jump onto Dylan's back and get a swing at him, dealing 3 damage.
5. You jump onto Dylan's back and get a swing at him, dealing 5 damage.
6. You jump onto Dylan's back and get a swing at him, dealing 6 damage, and also breaking his armor for the next 3 rolls.

If you have a battle-axe you deal 3 additional bonus damage and break his armor on ALL the attacking rolls of this option.



If you die: You die.
If you manage to kill Dylan: Go to "5".

Idiot, you haven't killed jack shit. You gotta finish this mongo a special way, otherwise he'll just keep breathing. Remember what the goblin told you? If you don't, well then you're outta luck pal. Choose a way to execute Dylan:

Go to:


6: If you wish to finish him by gouging out his eyes, and feeding them to him.
7: If you wish to finish him by kicking him between the noble parts and the hams.
8: If you wish to finish him by chopping off his head.
9: If you wish to finish him by strangling him with his own intestines.
10: If you wish to finish him by eating his protein-bars.
11: If you wish to finish him by disemboweling him.
12: If you wish to finish him by eating his brain.
13: If you wish to finish him by insulting him.
14: If you wish to finish him by gently tucking him to sleep.

You choose to finish him by gouging out his eyes, and feeding them to him.

Hahahaha! That's not how you kill a bowelbear you useless, rusty, dung-stained shovel! Okay okay, so... you gouge out its eyes, and feed them to him. Dylan stands still for a moment, then screams "OH NO! OH MY HEART! IT'S!... IT'S STOPPING!... CAN'T... HOLD... ON... AAAaa... Just kidding, I'm gonna rip out your intestines through your nostrils, let's dance for another round you filthy nail-biter. I don't need eyes to smell your wetted trousers... Please stop biting your nails though, please, it's disgusting".


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You choose to finish him by kicking him between the noble parts and the hams.

Well well well. That's a dirty move. That's actually forbidden in all legit RPG's, including this one. Decrease your HP by 1 PERMANENTLY, say sorry to Dylan, and then, well... you can get to fight him again.


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You choose to finish him by chopping off his head.

Wow! Okay "dragon-slayer", you chop off his head. A "little over the top" innit? Well, it won't matter too much, because that was a "headless" action you just did there. A bowelbear doesn't need its head in order to bash yours against the wall, and fracture your skull into 5 billion pieces. Exactly... exactly 5 billion. Bowelbears do a great deal of physics-calculation in... well not their head obviously, but in their heart, before precisely fracturing your skull into 5 billion pieces of bone. All bowelbears are taught physics on A-level from birth. It's a hard-knock life. One could say... that it's a "headcase"!


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You choose to finish him by strangling him with his own intestines.

Uh... well. Okay... DAMN IT! I HATE PEOPLE WHO LISTEN TO THE QUEST NPC'S! You're the WORST! Where's your sense of ADVENTURE YOU STUCK-UP TROGLODYTE PIG!? I worked SO HARD on making so many possible mistakes for you, and then you just... CHOOSE THE RIGHT THING TO DO! ARGH! EAT SHARK-FIN SOUP YOU MONSTER, YOU'VE ALREADY KILLED AN ANIMAL OF AN ENDANGERED SPECIES, YOU MIGHT AS WELL KILL THE OTHERS TOO WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!...

TAKE YOUR DAMNED LOOT... AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT... Dylan was special...


Choose 1 item to acquire:

- "Eye Of The Bowelbear" (Amulet), provides you with +2 HP. This item can also be used once per encounter, in order to see into the future. When used, you roll the dice 3 times, and get to choose which of the 3 rolls, that counts as your ACTUAL next roll.

- "Dried Intestine Ring" (Ring), provides you with +3 HP and also, when you hit an enemy with a 'special attack', the next attack made on you will be reduced by 2 damage.

- "Bowelbear Mittens" (Gloves), provides you with +5 HP, and +1 armor.


ALSO

Items acquired:

- "Dylan's Ugly Head" - You can hand this over to the old gnarly goblin who gave you the quest, as proof of you slaying Dylan.


Go to "16" to hand over Dylans Ugly Head.

You choose to finish him by eating his protein-bars.

You don't exactly kill anything by doing that. Well, except from your hunger. Dylan is very mad at you now. That was his last chocolate-caramel crunch protein-bar. You feel buff like a gorilla with float-bands in the kids' pool though. I don't know if that makes any difference to you.


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You choose to finish him by disemboweling him.

Eh. Nope, he's not dead. In fact, I think you just pissed him off more. He was still digesting some strawberry yoghurt. He really liked that yoghurt. Bowelbears have taste-buds in their guts.


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You choose to finish him by eating his brain.

You cut his scalp open, and eat his brain, like some 80's zombie. Dylan looks straight into your eyes, as you feast upon his cortex. "Are you finished eating? Can we get back to the part where I rip off your legs, and whack your head into your spine with them?".

Well. Looks like eating brains doesn't work too well brotendo. You better try something else next time.


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You choose to finish him by insulting him.

You try to insult Dylan with: "You look like my lost brother, whom my mother tried to sell for 2 slices of bacon. No one wanted him though, he was tossed out on the street, because he was actually just a piece of trash... really, my brother was a half-eaten orange with a tinfoil hat".

Dylan looks at you for a moment, and then proceeds to say: "I am your brother. And I hated you ever since the day you put that tinfoil hat on my head, because it made me look like a simpleton, you absolute piece of...".

Okay, wow, that's enough lore. Back to fighting Dylan, again, cause clearly you still have a score to settle.


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You choose to finish him by gently tucking him in, and make him sleep.

Dylan is now sleeping. But you will fight him again, when he wakes up, in 3... 2... 1...


Go to "15" to fight the "ENRAGED Bowelbear". AND add 1 level of "Rage" to the encounter.

You fight the Bowelbear again.

Good luck, lol.


ENRAGED Dylan The Bowelbear has 40 HP and 1 armor


+ Dead-lifter, This cave-billy can lift some serious stuff. He could probably dead-lift your house if he wanted to. All his attacks penetrate 1 armor.

+ Roar Of The Deuce-bags, Whenever Dylan is attacked, he roars, and his next attack is empowered, dealing +1 bonus damage. This buff lasts for 1 roll after your attack, but if he his damaged again immediately afterwards, he will roar again, stacking the effect with yet another +1 bonus damage, and prolonging the buff for 1 roll. This effect stacks infinitely, and only disappears after he attacks, or if you don't attack him twice (or more) in a row.

+ RAGE! Whenever you fail to kill Dylan the CORRECT way, all his attacks gain +1 damage PERMANENTLY. This effect stacks 1 level of RAGE for every time you finish him off in the INCORRECT way! HAHAHAHAHAHA!


(Remember to play the "passives" and "abilities" of the encounters, otherwise you're just cheating... loser...)


If the dice rolls:

Roll 1: Dylan launches at you:

1. option: If you have a shield you can choose to lift up the shield, gaining +3 armor. You will however get hit, taking 4 damage.
2. option: Dodge the assault. Roll again, if you roll 3 or more, you dodge the attack. If you roll 2 or 1, you get hit for 4 damage. IF you dodge the attack, you can also choose to counter-attack, dealing 1 damage. You can also choose not to.

Roll 2: Dylan makes an uppercut, slamming you into the ceiling of the cave, dealing 4 damage to you. However, if you got "Roll 3" before this attack, and stalactites in the roof fell down, then this attack only deals 3 damage to you.

Roll 3: Dylan smashes the ground, making the whole cave shake violently. Stalactites break off from the ceiling if the cave, and rain down towards the ground. Dylan takes 3 damage, and also roars. Additionally, his armor is removed for 2 rolls.

1. option: Dodge the attack, roll the dice again. If you roll 2 or more, you dodge the attack, if you roll 1, you get hit for 5 damage (Dylan cannot attach any bonus damage to this attack).
2. option: Roll towards Dylan, attacking him for 2 damage, taking 2 damage from getting scratched by a stalactite, however Dylan will also roar an additional time.
3. option: If you have a set of daggers you can toss them at Dylan. Roll again, if you roll:

1. You miss with both daggers, and get hit by a stalactite, taking 4 damage.
2. You miss with both daggers, and gets scratched by a stalactite, taking 2 damage.
3. You hit with 1 dagger and dodge, dealing 3 damage to Dylan.
4. You hit with 1 dagger and dodge, dealing 3 damage to Dylan.
5. You hit with both daggers and dodge, dealing 5 damage to Dylan.
6. You hit with both daggers and dodge, hitting Dylan's eyes, dealing 7 damage to Dylan, AND he doesn't roar.

Roll 4: You get a clean shot at Dylan.

If you have a battle-axe you deal 5 damage and break his armor for 3 rolls.
If you have a shield you deal 4 damage, and also SILENCE Dylan, resetting all his Roar Of The Deuce-bags stacks.
If you have a set of daggers you deal 6 damage.

Roll 5: Dylan takes hold of his intestines and whips it at you. Roll the dice again, if you roll:

1. You get whipped hard, taking 5 damage and additionally your armor is reduced by 2 for 2 rolls.
2. You get whipped, taking 4 damage.
3. The intestines whip around your foot, and you fall to the ground, taking 1 damage, and your next attack is reduced by 1 damage.
4. You dodge the intestine whip.
5. You dodge the intestine whip.
6. You dodge the intestine whip, and then grab onto it, pulling Dylan down to the ground. On your next attack roll, you get to attack twice.

Roll 6: You manage to get behind Dylan's back. Dylan tries to swing his intestines low, in order to snare you:

1. option: Dodge the attack by rolling backwards.
2. option: Try to jump up on the back of Dylan to dodge the attack, and also counter attack. Roll again, if you roll:

1. You get snared, and Dylan continuously slams you into the ground. Roll again, if you roll 1 or 2, he slams you into the ground once, dealing 3 damage to you. If you roll 3 or 4, he slams you into the ground twice, dealing 5 damage to you. If you roll 5 or 6, he slams you into the ground 3 times, dealing 7 damage to you.
2. You manage to jump over the swinging intestine, but don't jump high enough to latch on to Dylan's back.
3. You manage to jump over the swinging intestine, but you fall and trip, taking 1 damage.
4. You jump onto Dylan's back and get a swing at him, dealing 3 damage.
5. You jump onto Dylan's back and get a swing at him, dealing 5 damage.
6. You jump onto Dylan's back and get a swing at him, dealing 6 damage, and also breaking his armor for the next 3 rolls.

If you have a battle-axe you deal 3 additional bonus damage and break his armor on ALL the attacking rolls on this option.



If you die: You die.
If you manage to kill Dylan: Go to "5".

You return to the old gnarly goblin

The old goblin looks at you with surprise and disbelief as you approach him.

"Who are you??? Did the jarl send you here to steal my collection of rodent front-teeth!?"

You lift up Dylan's head, and the goblin instantly points at the head and screams: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! The deucebag is DEAD! My protein-bars are SAFE! YEEHAW, NOW I CAN FINALLY GROW THEM IN MY POT OF POISONOUS FUNGI!"

He hands you a heavy satchel, filled to the brim with gold.


Items acquired:

- 1000 Gold Coins


Go back to Part 3 - "Pit Of Filth"

- Note; when you go there, you cannot go back to places/interactions you have already been to / have interacted with, in Part 3 - "Pit Of Filth". And you cannot return to this part (Lair Of The Bowelbear) again.